|These cards actually don't look too bad with a camera flash, but I don't get why they chose white lettering on beige.|
Hah. Ok, so not really, but I wanted a fun title to my last post of the month. March. Oh, March...whyyyy? This month was weird. I was sick for most of the month and am sick still with sinus pain, my daughter's sleep got all whacked out, noisy neighbors moved in, I had a big fight with my hubby following my wedding ring splitting in two, and I had to cancel my birthday party due to illness and horrible sleep. I had to start injecting my daughter in the butt with B12. My husband's work was chaotic plus he was out of town for a few days. And so it goes. And soooo it goes.
I know these are all piddly things, really, but when you add them together you get a very tired me. I just wanted to have a happy birthday month. I love the idea of self care during one's birthday month. But again, I'm trying not to dwell on it and instead let it pass into that 'good' night. I think I just wanted to relax and have fun. That's what I craved, but there were other things in store for me. Icky things. Heheee.
Anyway, the good things that happened are:
- Despite the icky fight we had, my husband and I actually grew closer and opened up to a better and more authentic level of connection and trust. We laid out more of ourselves, we expressed things we would not have otherwise.
- My daughter, despite the sleep issue is improving cognitively and is becoming quite the character in so many ways--I see her personality blossoming.
- Despite being sick so much I felt loved by my friends and relatives who sent thoughtful messages and/or gifts to me. My husband was especially generous and wanted to be more romantic and spontaneous with gift-giving since he's usually more reserved in that way.
- I still had a nice birthday even though I was sick--I saw my parents and we hung out.
- I had fun spending birthday money even though I feel I went a bit overboard, buying a few tarot decks, a haircut, a short chair massage, and a few perfume oils from Epically Epic Soap but I feel like I earned it considering the past year or two I've had.
- We made a decision about the baby thing. Yes, it wasn't easy and I could easily put this in the negative category because of how intense this is or could be, but I think that on a deep level it gave me some sense of relief to just make a solid decision. We scheduled the vasectomy and it's a done deal. I feel like that was a big leap for us.
This post is way long considering I haven't even MENTIONED the three cards I pulled. Hilarious. Well, I'll just briefly say that the first card I pulled was the Hermit, which is a card I've gotten a few times lately. I've noticed it coming up more. I think I got it yesterday, or some time recently--a day or two ago. Maybe it was today? Wow, I dunno. I'm starting to get a bit mental today because of this headache and tiredness. In any event, I think alone time and contemplation of my life is truly in order. For real. Not just the glossing over crap thing or the half-assed 'I'm gonna sorta try to gain perspective on my life'...but I think I really need to move to that next level, Universe-style.
The Moon in the center of the spread always makes me notice the mysteriousness of life, and how things are often shrouded in mystery, even when we have the basic gist of things. Do I know exactly what is going to happen, where I'll be next, exactly what I'll be doing? No, and that's OK. I need to allow for the mystery. I need to trust my intuition (High Priestess being another card I've noted several times lately) and I just need to go inward and all that happy, meditative horse poop.
But if I do spend time alone or go inward, I must avoid anxiety. That's my pitfall. The downside of the Moon actually mentions emotional instability and depression, etc. I was just reading a book on burnout in the bath titled, 'Fried' by Joan Borysenko. Good book. I think we've all been there. I'm realizing that I really am burned out, even if I don't consider myself such, or don't realize it fully. It's only when I start hating the world, hating myself, feeling like I have no idea why I'm alive that I realize I need to step back and ask myself why I feel so frazzled. Often I don't realize how exhausted or stressed I am until after a mini breakdown hits.
So here's to entering April will more awareness, more calm, more self-care, and hopefully steady but sure progress. And I need to remember that I CAN handle anything but I don't have to do it alone.