Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Hermit, the Moon and the Universe Walk Into a Bar...

These cards actually don't look too bad with a camera flash, but I don't get why they chose white lettering on beige.

Hah. Ok, so not really, but I wanted a fun title to my last post of the month. March. Oh, March...whyyyy? This month was weird. I was sick for most of the month and am sick still with sinus pain, my daughter's sleep got all whacked out, noisy neighbors moved in, I had a big fight with my hubby following my wedding ring splitting in two, and I had to cancel my birthday party due to illness and horrible sleep. I had to start injecting my daughter in the butt with B12. My husband's work was chaotic plus he was out of town for a few days. And so it goes. And soooo it goes.

I know these are all piddly things, really, but when you add them together you get a very tired me. I just wanted to have a happy birthday month. I love the idea of self care during one's birthday month. But again, I'm trying not to dwell on it and instead let it pass into that 'good' night. I think I just wanted to relax and have fun. That's what I craved, but there were other things in store for me. Icky things. Heheee.

Anyway, the good things that happened are:

  • Despite the icky fight we had, my husband and I actually grew closer and opened up to a better and more authentic level of connection and trust. We laid out more of ourselves, we expressed things we would not have otherwise.
  • My daughter, despite the sleep issue is improving cognitively and is becoming quite the character in so many ways--I see her personality blossoming.
  • Despite being sick so much I felt loved by my friends and relatives who sent thoughtful messages and/or gifts to me. My husband was especially generous and wanted to be more romantic and spontaneous with gift-giving since he's usually more reserved in that way.
  • I still had a nice birthday even though I was sick--I saw my parents and we hung out.
  • I had fun spending birthday money even though I feel I went a bit overboard, buying a few tarot decks, a haircut, a short chair massage, and a few perfume oils from Epically Epic Soap but I feel like I earned it considering the past year or two I've had.
  • We made a decision about the baby thing. Yes, it wasn't easy and I could easily put this in the negative category because of how intense this is or could be, but I think that on a deep level it gave me some sense of relief to just make a solid decision. We scheduled the vasectomy and it's a done deal. I feel like that was a big leap for us. 

    That's most of the major ones I can think of. So this month was not easy--with the sickness and fighting and bad sleep and tough decisions on having more children or not, but the end result, I think, will be beneficial. I think we also solidified our decision to try to move within the next year. We probably will need several months to spruce up the house and another several to sell it, though hopefully it won't take too long.

    This post is way long considering I haven't even MENTIONED the three cards I pulled. Hilarious. Well, I'll just briefly say that the first card I pulled was the Hermit, which is a card I've gotten a few times lately. I've noticed it coming up more. I think I got it yesterday, or some time recently--a day or two ago. Maybe it was today? Wow, I dunno. I'm starting to get a bit mental today because of this headache and tiredness. In any event, I think alone time and contemplation of my life is truly in order. For real. Not just the glossing over crap thing or the half-assed 'I'm gonna sorta try to gain perspective on my life'...but I think I really need to move to that next level, Universe-style.

    The Moon in the center of the spread always makes me notice the mysteriousness of life, and how things are often shrouded in mystery, even when we have the basic gist of things. Do I know exactly what is going to happen, where I'll be next, exactly what I'll be doing? No, and that's OK. I need to allow for the mystery. I need to trust my intuition (High Priestess being another card I've noted several times lately) and I just need to go inward and all that happy, meditative horse poop.

    But if I do spend time alone or go inward, I must avoid anxiety. That's my pitfall. The downside of the Moon actually mentions emotional instability and depression, etc. I was just reading a book on burnout in the bath titled, 'Fried' by Joan Borysenko. Good book. I think we've all been there. I'm realizing that I really am burned out, even if I don't consider myself such, or don't realize it fully. It's only when I start hating the world, hating myself, feeling like I have no idea why I'm alive that I realize I need to step back and ask myself why I feel so frazzled. Often I don't realize how exhausted or stressed I am until after a mini breakdown hits.

    So here's to entering April will more awareness, more calm, more self-care, and hopefully steady but sure progress. And I need to remember that I CAN handle anything but I don't have to do it alone.

    Magic Mentha

    The Go Ahead

    Yesterday my daughter's mb12 shots arrived in a refrigerated box on my doorstep. I knew they were to arrive but I didn't have an appointment with my daughter's doctor to show me how to administer them until a full week. I had the option to go in today (Thursday) with demonstration on a little boy who is "a champ" about receiving them, but to be frank--every time we try to take her in to a doctor for blood draws or these vitamin injections, something always goes awry and my daughter screams and cries and is traumatized the whole time.

    I tried to assure my daughter's doctor that I had read numerous articles about it and even watched videos of it. It's not rocket science. It's very easy. You essentially take a tiny little needle an insert it very shallowly at a very gentle angle (just barely under the skin) in the subcutaneous outer, upper area of the buttocks. It takes literally a few seconds. I know he was worried I would do it wrong, but it just isn't THAT complicated. I just wanted to get it over with because I knew what a nightmare it was to take her in. We had to take her in every week to do it at the end of last year and she screamed bloody murder the whole time.

    So I pondered it and decided I was going to do it. Worst case scenario if I do it wrong I waste a couple shots and lose like 8 bucks. Big deal. But first I wanted to get the opinion of the tarot, which sometimes will give me a stern talking to if I'm doing the wrong thing.

    I chose three cards and I was amazed at the specific nature of the cards. I got my daughter's card right off the bat as the first card. In this deck, she's the Princess of Wands and she is shown bare-backed, with her butt facing you as opposed to facing front! So visually perfect! The other two cards were the Ace of Wands (which to me is the universal 'starting something' card) and the Prince of Wands (which is the universal 'get moving' card) I decided to go for it.

    I re-read the instructions a few more times and then, armed with a swab and some rubbing alcohol and the injection, I sneaked over to my daughter and sat next to her while she was watching a movie. I cleaned the area then was going to sneak but she saw what I was up to. She fussed for literally a few seconds and then it was over. So, so much better than the usual 'doctor's office trauma'...

    I'm a little nervous that I pissed my daughter's doctor off by going ahead with it and I do hope I did it right, but I feel like everything is alright and I did it correctly. If not, he can show me how to do it later if he feels that I can't figure it out on my own. I think my independent nature bothers him but I've decided to let my husband handle some of these issues for a while so I can have a break from it. I feel rather burnt out on doctors of all kinds. Not that they are bad doctors--just that I have always had a problem with authority and I just really want to get away from it. I feel like my view of the whole thing is skewed from having dealt with it for so long.

    In any event, it's done (until a few days from now when I do it again) and at that point I'm also getting my husband's help, as he is especially good with precision, so that will be an added boost to our accuracy in the procedure.

    Magic Mentha

    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    The Crystal Tarot: What I Need is Improvement and Alone Time

    Today is just sort of...I don't quite know how to explain it. It wasn't bad. Nothing bad happened. I mean, nothing THAT bad. But there was just this undercurrent of exhaustion. After losing 9,000 photos of my daughter (among other things) this morning I had trouble getting back to sleep and didn't go down until after 2am, and then my daughter woke about six hours later and I just felt icky. My back felt sore, and even my nipples hurt (TMI!!) but I wasn't sure why because my period isn't due for a good while.

    Anyway, then I had a happy thing happen which is that my daughter napped--probably because she didn't sleep enough, and I had a little time to myself to do what I wanted. I probably should've napped but I wanted to do other things. So when my daughter woke up I let her watch a movie (Cinderella) and then I decided we should go do something. I knew there was always the possibility, especially with my daughter, that she might be grumpy when we went out, but I risked it anyway.

    Of course it turns out my daughter was in a rather cantankerous mood. I can't quite figure out why. I still can't tell what's normal, what's biochemically off, what's a result of the medication, etc. I just don't know. But she was a bit on the sad/fussy/whining side, and also a bit rude. I just felt sort of worn down to a nub trying to figure out how to approach things the best way. I nearly gave up and we went into Target, hoping to find a cheap Easter-ish toy (which we did in the dollar area) but my daughter was still in a sad mood and I just wanted to go home at that point.

    It bothers me so much when I try to be positive and take risks and go out and do something fun and my daughter (either due to high functioning autism or medication side effects or other things) just cannot process information or events around her and is fussy. This is heightened when she hasn't slept well or doesn't feel well, and I know that's true of everyone, but it's especially true of children with neurological disorders. Of course I firmly believe that these issues are treatable, and I've still seen a huge improvement over a year or two ago, before we began supplementation and dietary interventions.

    So even though today wasn't too bad, and it certainly wasn't anywhere near as bad as I've seen it, it was rather tiring and disappointing. I think when I have days like that I just want to go soak in the bath tub and/or crawl into bed. I know my husband probably had a similarly tiring day. In fact, I'm sure of it, because he (and one other guy) are the only people watching the terminal at work and his workload has quadrupled. He must be completely frazzled--which is why I'm taking over night duty with my daughter for the few nights he's on this schedule, because I know it's too tiring to do that plus get up for work early. Of course this also means I'm with my daughter all day and night,  except an hour or so when he's here, and that isn't fun when she's acting like this--but I know it's temporary and I take comfort in that.

    My husband is on call this week which ends mid-week next week, and then my brother is arriving and staying at my parent's place for a few months. It will be nice to see him though I admit sometimes visitors, even those that I'm related to or know well, are stressful for me. I think that has a lot to do with my germ phobia and just my general social anxiety and misanthropy, but I am very glad my brother is wrapping things up and settling in for a new life that will be better suited to him and will hopefully make him happier.

    The cards I received in today's pull, the Six of Swords and Hermit, reflect what I have been thinking about, which is the desire for things to transition out of difficulty into a better place (Six of Swords) and also, to have some time and space to myself to find out what I need (Hermit) I have to figure out the best way to do that.

    The gemstone associated with the Hermit is Peridot (which is Virgo's stone, which is the astrological association of the Hermit--so I guess that makes sense) and it says about Peridot:

    "Peridot offers protection from outside influences, allowing you to find inner space that you really need. It also helps you focus within yourself during your meditations."

    For the Six of Swords, we have Chalcopyrite, which supposedly allows chi to flow more easily to help navigate through difficult circumstances. They definitely highlight the sometimes treacherous waters of the Six of Swords! But there's the promise of improvement on the other side of the obstacles.

    Magic Mentha

    Damn You, Mercury Retrograde!!

    So, unfortunately, last night at midnight (I guess technically today) I was deleting some images in iPhoto that were in the trash. I hadn't purged it in eons and I wanted to free up some space. Sadly, I am pretty certain I accidentally (not sure how!) deleted ALL of the images from 2008 and 2010, resulting in a loss of more than 9,000 images. I was shocked and heartbroken!! So now I'm in the process of recovering the data using a recovery program. It's taking forever to sort through all the data, and I don't know whether anything can be recovered, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. 

    Most of the images of my daughter over the past several years have been backed up on an external drive. It's mostly 2010 that I lost, and I have quite a few favorite images that I saved from that time, plus all the images sent to my parents and other relatives were kept, so it's not so bad, but I still feel badly about it. Here's hoping I can recover them. When I did a single card pull about whether I could recover them I got the 4 of Swords, which I see as the 'recovery' card, so it could be! I hope so, anyway.

    In case it wasn't clear from the title of this post, today is the first day of Mercury Retrograde, and such unpleasant snafus as losing tons of important data is not uncommon. Problems with communication, problems with machines including cars and computers, are all indicated. There are also positive things that happen such as being able to finish old projects started before the retrograde, or sell things you haven't been able to sell before, or find bargains.

    Magic Mentha

    I Couldn't Resist...

    Image taken from Astro America

    As a final birthday gift to myself (since I hadn't used all my birthday money) I decided to get the stupidly overpriced, out-of-print Albano-Waite Miniature. It cost $53. Stupid, extravagant purchase and I am going to refrain from such purchases for quite a while, but I just couldn't resist the pull. I know it's not really anything SPECIAL but I feel strangely drawn to it.

    I saw the full-sized version but for some reason I just want the MINI. I have this crazy love affair with mini decks. I realized that the decks that I like to use are either mini or smaller than usual. Perhaps this is because of my smaller hands or perhaps it's just some crazy fascination with small things--but I've always loved mini things.

    I love my 'many minis' such as The Answer Deck, the Rider-Waite Mini, the Tarot Nova (though I like the 'larger' mini as opposed to the teeny, tiny mini) and a few of my other decks are also smaller than average. I find that I don't seem to use the larger decks as much. Even though you actually can't shuffle this 2X1 inch size in the normal way, I still love that size.

    Why am I so drawn to the Rider Tarots now, more than twelve years after reading in earnest? I don't know for sure. It could be that I took this deck for granted when I first started reading. I didn't TRY to delve into its symbolism...I just went for more extravagant and unusual decks. Prettier decks, wittier decks, wackier decks, decks that were based on anything but Pamela Colman Smith's original artwork.

    Since then I've come to appreciate her deck more than ever, and I know it sounds silly considering she's dead, but I actually feel sorry for her. She was a starving artist and she didn't sound very self confident. She sounded very spirited and creative, but she reminds me of myself in that she allowed her work to be used and published without much compensation. I know how it is to be so lacking in self-respect that you just do any old project because you think you have to.

    Anyway, as far as the Albano-Waite is concerned...I guess I love color and I especially love strange, vintage colors, so I feel like that is why I wanted this. That combined with this being a mini deck made me really want it. Maybe eventually it will be reprinted and sold at the $12 price for a mini deck, but who knows when or if that'll happen, so I may as well get it now.

    Love Lots,
    Magic Mentha

    Tuesday, March 29, 2011

    Mini Rider-Waite: Moving House Query

    Ten of Cups, Three of Swords, Two of Pentacles, Seven of Swords, Six of Cups
    I realized I hadn't posted today and I decided, since moving was on my mind due to being woken at at 5am today by a neighbor's giant tracker trailer starting up, to pull a few cards on the subject.

    In the first card we see the proverbial 'happy family' with two children and couple and shining abode with rainbow. It's so silly and over the top, but it does represent our desire for a happy, peaceful family life, free from revving engines, rednecks, and neighbors smoking pot in their garage at 1am, blasting their music. Our neighborhood not (how shall we say?) exactly peaceful. It's not the worst neighborhood in the world and for that I'm eternally grateful, nor is it particularly desirable.

    We've been considering moving for several years now, and in earnest the past couple of years. But circumstances, mostly financial, but also just in harnessing the desire and energy, have not been ideal. Now I've retrained my feelings and thoughts and desires on moving and I think we can do it if we are earnest and work toward it.

    I am not 100% sure, but I think the Three of Swords simply shows our disappointment in our current circumstances, but it could show something else of which I'm not aware. And I think, next to the Two of Pentacles, it shows the hemming and hawing and difficulty in making this decision, and also in the logistics of the decision. It also shows trying to find some sort of balance in the whole ordeal.

    In the four card we see someone slinking off, sneaky-style, and I actually have seen this referred to as a 'home move' is mentioned as such over at the New Age Store site. In this case, I do think we would be slinking off, making as little fuss with the neighbors as possible. I have a couple busybody neighbors that want to gossip about every neighbor and are very much 'love thy neighbor' types, but my husband and I are pretty private people and just want some time and space to ourselves.

    Finally we see the Six of Swords, and I'm not entirely sure how this plays out for us, but perhaps someone from my past my be helpful in the house situation, or maybe a relative will otherwise be important here. I'll be sure to keep an eye open for opportunities.

    Magic Mentha

    Monday, March 28, 2011

    Two New Cheapish Decks

    Crystal Tarot image taken from The Crystal Healer

    So, despite my own lecture to myself, I got myself two decks recently, but they aren't anything crazily amazing, yet I still love them a lot nonetheless. Their watery simplicity is really appealing.

    My husband got me a Rider-Waite mini (purse size) which is what I intended to get the first time around when I got the Witchy Tarot that I realized wasn't me. The Rider-Waite mini was totally feisty with me right off the bat and I was surprised how the readings I got were very to the point. I like this size because I hate the TEENY cards that are the size of a grape or whatnot. This size, the approx 2X1" deck, is perfect for me. It's probaby my favorite size in terms of the small deck size. I can riffle them in my hands over and over again and play with them without fearing that they are so small that I'll lose ten of them before blinking. I also think the print quality and color is good.

    Last night I went to Barnes and Noble and got myself the Crystal Tarot, which reminds me of a similar deck made for Barnes and Noble (don't know why I can't remember the deck) but I wonder if it's the same artist. It's another simple and to the point deck which features gemstones. It isn't like the Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals, but it's like a deck with pips that features crystals and describes (in a way that's easy and quick to understand) the energy of the stone in connection with the cards. I actually like it a lot. The nice thing is that the deck was not expensive, and I got a bit of a discount with my B&N membership.

    So anyway, I don't feel too badly. It was my birthday and getting two decks that were less than 15 dollars each (one of them my husband bought for me) is not such a big deal, especially since I gave away two decks recently. Then gave another one or two a few weeks before that. I think I'll end up giving away a few more decks before all is said and done, because I've noted it can take me a while to decide whether I should give a deck away or not. I like to keep decks in order to rotate them, but I also don't want to unnecesarily collect tons of decks and never use them.

    Now I find myself eying the Albano-Waite Mini Version with its lovely retro colors, but there's no way in heck I'm paying that much for them! I should wait until they re-release them, or I have a crap-ton of money. Not sure when/if either will happen, but that's ok. Like many tarot readers, I find myself gravitating back to the original Rider-Waite-Smith imagery. It just appeals on such a basic level. The original is often best!

    Love Lots,
    Magic Mentha

    Sunday, March 27, 2011

    Birthday Reflection and the Nine of Cups

    9 of Cups from The Artist's Inner Vision Tarot, edited in Be Funky

    This morning, after a long, grueling night of bat shit crazy sleep, I woke up to a confusing birthday, trying to reconcile how I felt, being really worn down, sick, and having a lot of weird emotional stuff come up over the past month.

    In the end, however, I concluded that I felt very lucky. I felt that I had what I needed, or soon would, or that even if I never got everything I wanted, genie-style, then I could still live a rich, full and beautiful life.

    Granted, I would love for some of my daughter's health, sleep and mood issues to abate, and having seen some massive improvements due to her biomedical interventions I still firmly believe in this possibility, but I know that I don't have to wait until some unknown and unforeseen 'then' in order to be fulfilled.

    Right now, I have family and friends who love me. Sure, I could dwell on those that don't, or no longer do, or I could dwell on how I don't feel well or I need so much more sleep, or this or that, but in the end, when I look at the world through a more accepting lens I see that life's frailties are kind of like a bull in a china shop--they don't mean to be painful or destructive, they just can't help it--they're a bull in a china shop. It's just life. Life can be painful at times. I just can't take it personally or let it stop me from enjoying and experiencing the things that are helpful, important and winsome.

    This morning when I was thinking of all these things I asked what I should focus on and I got the 9 of Cups. Fulfillment. The wish card. Call it what you will, but this card mentions the pleasures of the flesh (sounds naughty, but that's ok, too!) and enjoyment:

    "The Nine of Cups encourages us to satisfy physical needs, enjoy ourselves. This time is not meant to last for very long. Soon enough we will be summoned back to our work and the mundane tasks of everyday life, but we come back refreshed and renewed."

    This sounds a lot like what I just talked about, though I didn't mean it to.  To me, this feels as much like a party card as the 3 of Cups does (which I also received today in another reading) because it shows fulfillment, which, though pleasurable, is ephemeral. As is everything. As I scrape the last bits of whipped cream from my bowl of gluten-free angel food cake, strawberries and whipped cream, I think about how tempting but also worthwhile these pleasures are. As the card says, we need to experience them as it's part of being human. As long as we realize that this isn't all there is--that the real lasting things have more to do with love and our connections with others.

    I didn't post this card when I first pulled it, probably because I was dead tired and didn't think to, but I got a second opportunity to do so when I used the on-line reader a second time and got it again as my single card focus. I guess my birthday isn't over yet, and I'm kinda extending it out a little due to not feeling well the past week. Heck, why not?

    I just want to say this is one of my favorite 9 of Cups cards ever! I love the grapes, ship, castle and beads being handed to the woman. It does remind me of receiving gifts--the perfect birthday symbol.  The Pamela Coleman-Smith image is interesting but just not as lovely as this one. This woman looks radiant, exotic, resplendent, calm.  It reminds me very much of the 9 of Pentacles in that way, which is another card I've gotten several times lately, perhaps due to the need for some alone time, and to feel more self-sufficient. There's this sort of woman power kind of thing going on there.

    Magic Mentha

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

    Crazy Pages Reading: Any Thoughts, Anyone?

    Page of Wands, Page of Pentacles, Ace of Wands, Five of Pentacles, Page of Cups, Page of Swords

    I pulled these cards today and I was just blown away by this. I can't remember ever pulling so many pages. Strange, right? I've had this deck, the Gilded Tarot, for quite some time but after not using it all that often I put it away in a drawer and found it again recently. I prefer his newer deck, the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, which I've been using a lot. But I've been using this deck for the past couple of days while downstairs in the bathroom as my daughter is taking a bath.

    So, these are the cards I got. Any thoughts from anyone on possible interpretations would be much appreciated! I would consider it a birthday gift to me since my birthday is tomorrow. :)

    I didn't pull these cards in this order. I don't recall what order I pulled what in. Sorry about that. I just did it this way for symmetry. :D

    Lots o' Love,
    Magic Mentha

    The Prince of Wands Declares 'Move Already!' Plus a New Neighbor Mini-Rant

    Prince of Wands, from The Artist's Inner Vision Tarot
    Feeling rather bedraggled and sleep-deprived after possibly the most crazily interrupted sleep night this past week (though the one where I was up 1-6:30am was pretty bad--this was just constantly interrupted--an hour of sleep here, an hour there, up before dawn, etc) I decided to pull a single card using the online version of The Artist's Inner Vision Tarot.

    I got the Prince of Wands. This was immediately following my thoughts that I was not too fond of my new neighbors and I kind of took it as a sign that I wanted to move on. The neighbors aren't horrible, evil people. I don't get that impression. It's just that they' do I put this delicately (oh yeah, I don't put things delicately!)...rednecks. They have a giant truck bed trailer thing on their lot and this morning I heard the husband at 5am this morning, when I was woefully awake, gearing up to take it somewhere, presumably for work-related reasons.

    Well, I am NOT saying that they are rednecks simply because they're blue-collar workers. No, of course not. That's silly and classist. It's just how they came across when I spoke to them. The mother seems nice enough but I just get the feeling that they are very 'Americana' and 'trucks' and 'God Bless America' ...etc. Anyway, I know I sound like a jerk and I very much apologize. I am sure there are people who fall under this category who are perfectly lovely people and I know I'm being a big old bigot for saying this but I just don't have any desire to hang out with them.

    Second strike against them: they have two dogs that bark in the middle of the night, sometimes 2, 3 am. Did I mention that the dogs are right near my daughter's bedroom? So I've just been putting her straight to bed in my bed because there's a lot more white noise in my room and it's not as close to the neighbor's yard where the dogs are.

    Anyway, I had a feeling I would feel this way when new neighbors moved in, but I realize that it's not the end of the world no matter what I decide. I could get used to the neighbors and maybe even like them a bit, but I think that all in all this just sort of taps the last nail in the coffin of our decision to move within the next year. We still have the logistics to figure out, but the desire is still there.

    Oh, and I also pulled a card asking what to DO today, since I am tired and sick-ish but I still wanna do something FUN, by golly! So I got the WORLD, which is interesting but I'm not quite sure how to take that. Hrm.  I like the movie recommendations/correlations they give for each card. Here's the one for the world:

    In the movie Shirley Valentine, the main character transforms from an under-appreciated housewife to a strong independent woman, coming from a no-identity persona to a full identity by the end of the movie.

    Hrm. Well that makes sense. Just yesterday I was telling my husband about how I felt very much like that--an under-appreciated housewife. Granted, I HATE the term housewife, but whatever. Also, I don't believe that being a housewife means you have 'no identity' it just means that you aren't on the 'social ladder' as far as status goes, but that whole vaunting, grasping western way of thinking is just dumb to begin with so I don't readily identify with that, but I DO know, as a mom and artist, that we have to find things in our lives that are uniquely us, that speak to us and that serve as outlets for us.

    It's just frustrating at times because things are especially grueling when you have a child with neurological issues and things rarely go as planned. It DOES feel thankless at times, but usually I can give myself a pep talk that I'm doing it all for a good reason and that eventually the hard work and sacrifices will be paid off by improvements in my daughter's health. So I hope!

    Magic Mentha

    Friday, March 25, 2011

    The Sage of Worlds Recommends Something Practical

    I have been feeling off today--I started coughing and I was kind of hoping to avoid the whole coughing/sore throat thing! Ah well. I've decided it doesn't matter, but what matters more to me is just being able to relax and enjoy myself on my birthday weekend, so that's what I'm going to work on.

    I pulled a single card and got the Sage of Worlds (aka Page of Pentacles) (see left) in response to a question about what I could do in order to relax and get more grounded, happy and calm. The answer totally made sense to me; it seemed to indicate that using my hands, making something, like this woman making a basket, would work better than anything else.

    It reminds me of my nodal position (north node in Virgo) which states that in order to transform my anxiety and fear into something more positive, in order to truly dispel it, I have to get my hands dirty, do something practical, and get IN the world--not escape it through fantasy or wishful thinking. Being present, being earthy, being practical are all essential to my well-being, both mentally and physically.

    This reminds me very much of what I've been thinking of today. I got some discounted, pretty papers that I am going to wrap hand cut guest-soap sized chunks of soap in order to make lovely and affordable favors for party guests or friends or just whoever. I love doing little things like that--simple things and gestures that people appreciate and that I enjoy doing. It gives my mind and hands something to focus on, it's not particularly difficult or expensive, and it's grounding and relaxing.

    Magic Mentha

    Thursday, March 24, 2011

    A Fortunate Birthday Message: Fortune

    I wanted to use the Voyager Tarot because I'm supposed to be using it all this month and the month is nearly over...wowza! I do love this deck and I'm glad I found it for such a nice price. Its imagery is so rich that it is, at times, kind of overwhelming but I am definitely one to go over the top at times so I can totally appreciate that.

    This card, Fortune (aka Wheel of Fortune) is one I've gotten several times lately in my readings, along with the 10 of Pentacles. Both of these cards are usually well received. At least I think they are. 

    I've been getting the feeling this indicates not just the traditional financial opportunities or stability but also moving (literally, as in house-wise) and also traveling. Maybe in a general sense it also means 'moving on' where to be honest I've felt utterly STUCK in place for so long I kind of thought my life would not change unless it absolutely had to.

    Here's a quote from this card:

    "As the dancer on the wheel of fortune, be agile, flexible and alert, always ready to move."

    It's funny because again that quote made me think of literal moving, which is also a topic that came up during a recent reading the spring holistic fair down here, even though I did not mention moving at all. She saw the 10 of Pentacles as representing that, and I admit I also see the 10 of Pentacles as relating to that (though I know it isn't always so) and that may not be such a bad thing. We keep talking about it but not really taking concrete steps to do it.

    Come to think of it, this reading looks a heck of a lot like the reading I did with the Fortune Teller's Mah Jongg. They both talk about strokes of luck and great success. Sounds very Wheel of Fortune-ish. I feel almost like I'm a contestant on the show. I hope I win! ;D

    So here's for a most fortunate turn of the wheel for all of us!

    Magic Mentha

    A Birthday Blessing: Entering Heaven and Earth

    I thought this was a cool combination of cards. It even seemed to make a sentence, which is why I used it as the title. I decided to use the Fortune Teller's Mah Jongg today. I decided to ask how my birthday was going to go. I was just curious as to what it would say. I think I'm nervous that I'm going to be feeling sick because my throat was starting to hurt today. The past several days have been spent tending to my sick daughter who has had a cough and cold that have kept her up in the night. Thankfully the last two nights have been better, but boy...coughs can linger!

    So when I had a sinus headache then a sore throat today I felt a bit dismayed--would I still be feeling alright for this weekend? I do think my emotional stress and recent decisions with the vasectomy thing have contributed to this feeling of overwhelm, but it also feels good to make a solid decision, even if it's not an easy decision and I'm not 100% sure how I'll feel about it later, but that's probably true of many things in life!

    As I mentioned to my husband in an e-mail a few minutes ago, the problem with shaking this mood is that the issues that I'm turning over in my mind aren't small issues for me, so it may take more time than I think to work through them, and I shouldn't pressure myself to do so. Trust issues, deciding not to have any more children and/or worrying about a child's health and just generally looking toward the future and trying to really see where I want to be in a few years is strangely uncomfortable for me.

    So, I'm just trying to be gentle on myself. BUT to the reading. The first card is Entering, which brings to mind the beginning of something and can literally mean entering something (like a university, new house or other institution...hopefully not the loony bin! ;) heh.) and I see this woman as possibly being me, entering my parent's house for the party and feeling happy to be there with my family and one friend who is coming down from Wyoming because she likes to come see us for our family get-togethers. I think this shows a literal house entry-way.

    The second card shows Heaven, which is a very positive card in this deck, I just now read the description I saw this, which blew me away!!!

    "The Heaven card represents completion. But it does not mean an end, for when one cycle ends, another naturally begins. When the Heaven card appears next to that of the House (5 Wan), it represents the Temple; it needs only the Door (Entering, 1 Wan) to obtain the picture of someone entering the Temple to take part in a solemn celebration. If Heaven and Earth are next to each other, it signifies that when the events on Earth follow Heaven's laws everything is in order, and happiness and prosperity abound."

    Wow! Isn't that interesting. Everything except the Temple part is true, which is fine because the Temple makes the celebration 'solemn' which definitely doesn't sound like a fun birthday thing.

    So I'm going to take this to mean that everything is as it should be and I'm going to try not to worry about how I feel or even what happens. I'm just going to know that I'm following what is right to me, and feeling and doing what I need to feel, both near and on my birthday, and from now on.

    Magic Mentha

    Wednesday, March 23, 2011

    Recuperating with the Four of Swords

    Four of Swords from The Artist's Inner Vision Tarot
    It's hump day and all I want to do is crawl in a hot bath, then into a bed, under the covers. I'm trying to get through this week, which has consisted of coughing and colds, my daughter being up in the middle of the night for hours because the coughing is keeping her up and nothing we tried has helped.

    But...I am not even complaining, I'm just explaining. I don't feel that badly about it, I just don't like having no sleep and a head cold. Today I woke up with a headache and some sinus pressure. I'm biding my time until my husband gets home so I can retreat into the bath as I mentioned.

    This is actually this second time I got this card today. Earlier today, when my daughter went back to sleep after getting up early again, I received this card as a kind of final card, a clarification. I just wanted something that my tired brain could wrap itself around. And the tarot was like, 'get some sleep, dude.'

    Magic Mentha

    Tuesday, March 22, 2011

    Graven Images Oracle is Stalking Me (Creatively)

    I thought this was funny. I decided to choose a card from the Graven Images Oracle with my usual random/chaos method, and I got the Watcher. I don't remember seeing this card and it's sort of humorous and creepy, but actually a rather positive card in meaning.

    It says:

    Watcher (Mental #3)

    Your hard work and/or artistry has caught the attention of bosses, patrons, or teachers. This is a card of discovery, your discovery. It can mean mentors to aid your development, additional training to perfect your craft, and sponsorship. If work is of a spiritual nature, guides and attending angels will be there to protect your advancement along the path. 
     I am not quite sure how to take this but my first thought was that maybe I'd get more artistic commissions somehow. Right now I have one underway (in the planning stages, to be finished by the first part of April) which is a logo and banner design. The other one is something that may not come up until later this year or even next year. I'm not sure. It depends on the person who I'm doing it for. So I wonder if these things will queue up as I finish them. I've seen that happen before, and it is interesting to me. Perhaps I'll get only what I need and can handle right now. I think that, give the present circumstances, a bit of creative challenge but not too much, is the order of the day.

    Magic Mentha

    The Fortune Teller's Mah Jongg: Centre and Woodcutter

    I was very happy last night when my husband discovered the remainder of my 144 cards from this deck. A few months ago, he found this deck among stored items but only about a third of the cards were present. This is an unusual and unique oracular system, one which I admit I have not mastered. I just read these chaos-style. I refer to the book and also consult my intuition, just like any other tarot or oracle reading.

    Today's reading topic delved into the idea of moving. At a metaphysical fair on Saturday I went to get a reading from a specific reader, having been alerted to her involvement in the fair by e-mail a week or so beforehand. Even though I don't like to purchase paid tarot readings that often, once in a while it's useful to get that outside perspective.

    The reading focused mainly on how to feel better about my life, less stuck, more confident. It also showed the pitfalls as well as joys of children (or lack thereof) and also indicated (without my even asking) that we were reaching a point where we felt ready to move.

    As far as a time frame, she felt it was toward the end of the year. Either we'd move then or would make a firm decision to sell and move then. I do feel that I decided not to act right at this moment. A month or so ago, when my interest in moving was renewed, I started to think that we needed several months to spruce up the house in preparation for selling it. So that's our goal. Over the next several months we'll find projects that need to be completed, large and small, and work on them.

    Anyway, this topic was still on my mind when I pulled these two cards from the Mah Jongg deck. The Centre card's key words are 'achievement, success' which I think is a really thumbs up kind of signal about the whole moving topic. You've 'hit your target' or soon will if you aim for it.

    The cool thing about this oracle is that the descriptions talk about 'if the card shows up next to such and such it means this' or 'when asking about matters of health it means this''s very descriptive and at times very specific. In general, this card states:

    "In a general reading, it is interpreted as great fortune, a lucky chance and great success."

    Note: this is way more vague than many of the descriptions, but I'll take it!

    The second card is Woodcutter, which is actually kind of similar to Centre, except that it indicates hard work will yield great success. So to me that means that if we put some elbow grease in with working on the house, it will be to a good end. It asserts:

    "The appearance of the Woodcutter, although always a fortune sign, is nevertheless the incentive to greater effort--for the rewards will be great."

    I think this reading really is a confirmation of our plan to slowly update the house, making it more marketable, then selling late this year or early next year.

    Magic Mentha

    Monday, March 21, 2011

    Single Card Draw: Four of Crystals Suggests Sleep and Clear Thinking

    Holding the Four of Crystals

    I decided to do a single card draw for today, asking what might be needed to make me feel better. I feel icky, sickish, run down, a touch soul sick and a bit pre-birthday blues-ish, but I also feel hopeful in other ways. It's definitely NOT all bad, and I recognize that.

    I guess I should not be surprised to see the Four of Crystals (Swords) here. This is the essential rest and withdraw card. Despite its title of 'logic' here, I still find the primary meaning to be to withdraw and take a literal or mental break.

    I actually get this card most often as a reminder to get as much sleep as I can, which is often an issue in my world, due to my own sleep issues and my daughter's sleep issues combined.

    I guess I will have my husband get up with my daughter tonight if she does wake up coughing. After several nights of this I am not feeling so hot. My stomach hurts, I'm achey and I just feel like I was trampled by a baby elephant or some other medium-sized animal. Last night was particularly tiring, as I was awake 2/3 of the night then didn't really recover or get nearly enough sleep. Frankly, neither did my daughter, and I really hope we can get her comfortable enough that she sleeps better tonight and can recover from her cough and cold.

    This card in particular may highlight the need for mental stability, a time of rest from mental concerns as well. Logic dictates (Vulcan pose) that in order to be mentally grounded I need to be rested physically as well, so there is both a mental and physical side to this card. This card asks me to be logical and use that sense of balance and non-judgment to make correct decisions. I find this to be an unusual interpretation of this card, but I will certainly keep it in mind.

    Magic Mentha

    Judgment and Temperance: Navigating the Storms of Life, Painting Again

    Temperance, edited in Be Funky

    I chose a card from The Artist's Inner Vision Tarot this morning, after being up most of the night again with my daughter coughing.

    I got Judgement, which is sort of a scary card in this deck. But I didn't really take it to mean that. I don't know. I am not even sure WHAT I took it to mean, but I chose one more card and got Temperance.

    But I admit this quote from Judgement I found pretty interesting and helpful. It goes to show that life really does throw us for a loop sometimes, and that's part for the course:

    Some days, months or years are like being caught in a great storm where the ocean tosses the boat to and fro, and we more or less end up anywhere. Often it can be a play of our skills at navigating, how well we handle stress and make positive choices that determines our destination. This may get us where we want to go, but is it exactly where we should have gone? No matter what our planned destination or our good intentions, fate and chance take their turns with us along the way.

    Temperance is another card which I think people often don't like. I can take or leave it. This card happens to be one of my favorite cards visually from this deck, so I appreciate that. When I see this card I think of painting, which seems like a 'DUH' kind of reaction considering the paints and brush, but I do think it's important since Temperance in other decks never makes me think of painting.

    I think that it's time for me to start painting and drawing again, even a little. I have to do some, by necessity, because I have a commission to design a logo and banner for a nice woman on Etsy. She gave me a large window of time to do it, but my goal is to be done with it by the first week of April. I wanted to wait until after my birthday and then start working on it in earnest.

    I have been run down, my sleep has been messed up and now I feel sick, so I try to take those as cues to try to relax and sort things out, which I'm doing. From there I'll open up some possibilities of where to go next creatively, and allow myself to brainstorm and get excited about new artistic (or other) plans.

    Magic Mentha

    Sunday, March 20, 2011

    The World at My Feet: Embracing a New Cycle, or Cuddling with It, Anyway...

    The World from the Artist's Inner Vision Tarot, edited in Be Funky

    I love this card. This is the World from the Artist's Inner Vision Tarot.

    Generally speaking, the World is a pretty likeable card in tarot land, but this one just makes me happier than most.

    I love the woman, lounging against the dream catcher with the spiders in it and the feather, and the twinkly stars beneath. It's dreamy and 80's-ish!

    The nest of eggs brings to mind the freshness of spring while the world itself is right at her feet. You feel like she's cradling the universe.

    I've gotten this card several times lately and I have gotten quite a number of indications (both overt and otherwise) of things culminating, cycles ending, new things beginning.

    There is a sense of impending freedom here.

    Magic Mentha

    Forging Ahead in Another Direction

    The Chariot from the Voyager Tarot
    After a heck of a lot of soul searching on both of our parts over a period of many months,  my husband and I have decided to let go of the idea of a second child and get a vasectomy done. We'll call and schedule this week.

    I admit that this decision is causing me some sadness, but I know that sadness has many roots and it is something that I can definitely work through and not dwell in indefinitely.

    Our situation is unique, though not necessarily uncommon. I guess that doesn't make any sense, but for any parents out there who have a child (or multiple children) with health issues, you know that the extra expense, strain and bad sleep make it that much more challenging to consider more children.

    I feel like my experience of motherhood has been very concentrated. Everything seemed so much more intense than it should've been, and from what I've gathered from talking to several mothers of various style with varying numbers of children, my experience was not typical. I'm glad to hear that, on the one hand, but on the other hand, I feel a bit saddened that things were so rough for us and that we've had so much time fearing for our daughter's life and future.

    Even so, I am grateful that my daughter is alive, and improving, and we're deciding now to take matters into our own hands and do what seems best to us for our sanity and just in general. Although the allure of a new child was at times very strong, I couldn't quite get myself to that point. There always seemed to be a nagging sense that it wasn't quite the right thing to do. I know that if I did have another child I would bestow as much love and affection as I could on them, even if I was otherwise stressed or occupied with my daughter's issues, but this way there will be no extra pull, no conflict, no competition. We'll still have some challenges (plenty, I'm sure!) to contend with and we'll navigate our way through those.

    I think right now I'm in the process of rebuilding my life after the Tower destroyed some of my fundamental ideas of what motherhood was like, and definitely messed with my sense of security! My process of healing, Star-like, will hopefully include continuing to do what is necessary to help my daughter's development along, as well as to figure out the things that will make life feel more relaxed, more worth living.  I want to nurture my relationship and friendships, and not feel like I'm in emergency mode. That is what I see as my goals. As far as specific creative or job goals--I have no idea. Right now it feels more like I want to simplify things, narrow down my choices, and focus on what is most important.

    Magic Mentha

    Fight with a Woman or Just Trying for Balance?

    Pissed off ladies (excuse the quality--it was a low lighting situation.)
    I decided to give this deck a go for a bit even though it is a bit sleazier and cheesier than I thought it was, and I'm sort of sensitive to that right now for some reason, so I am not as into it as I had hoped, but it's still an interesting deck in terms of having very unexpected images and scenes associated with each card, and that is perhaps its saving grace. End feminist rant.

    Anyway. :D For my two card draw I received the Two of Flames (Wands) and Two of Boulders (Pentacles), which generally means something is striving for balance, to be worked out.

    The image of all females in this spread, in duos, makes me think of something happening with regard to a friendship or other female relationship (sibling, for instance) but I dunno. Everyone looks PISSED. Still, there's a certain over-the-topness to it that seems funny to me. This deck is like that. It's so ridiculous that it's funny. It's like an SNL skit or something.

    So I'm not happy about that but it's something to be aware of! I sure don't want to get into any sort of argument, especially so close to my birthday! OYE. Well, regardless, it's not a huge deal. I just found it to be an odd and definitely redundant reading as far as the type of image.

    I'll try to update if I figure anything out.

    Magic Mentha

    Saturday, March 19, 2011

    Lo Scarabeo's Witchy Tarot (Mini)

    Image from Dinah's Dreams

    Today my husband bought me the Witchy Tarot, a mini deck, for my purse. I've been using the mini Hanson-Roberts, which is nice, but I was getting sick of using that deck exclusively when I was out and I wanted something new that I could switch with the Hanson-Roberts for a while.

    It's dark out and I'll have to post pics later, but here are some sites with images and/or reviews of the deck:

    Inner Whispers-a review of the deck

    Aeclectic Tarot-a review of the deck

    Tarot Wisdom Readings-a review of the deck

    I'm not 100% sure what I think of this deck. My main impression is that it's sort of goofy, a bit slutty image-wise, and sort of fun, definitely a departure from the Rider-Waite style. I'm not sure if it'll become a main reading deck (probably not) but it's kind of interesting for a change of pace.

    The choices of mini decks at the bookstore was not many (no pun intended) since I was not at the big ole metaphysical store in Denver, but in a bookstore which had a fairly limited selection. My other choices was a mini dragon tarot (I like dragons OK but they aren't my 'thing' I guess) and just a standard mini Rider-Waite.

    So I will try to post a few readings with this deck along with my Voyager Tarot readings this month, to see what they yield. The cards have very unusual depictions of events on them and the meanings are not necessarily the same as Rider-Waite meanings, so that should prove interesting.

    Magic Mentha

    Elements of My Life: Growth

    Friday, March 18, 2011

    Elements of My Life: Child

    Elements of My Life: Reflection

    Mention of My Sister's Wedding

    A few days ago I pulled these cards. When I first saw them I thought, 'hunh?' but then when I looked at them again I recognized what was going on. A couple of weeks ago, my older sister sent out an e-mail to her siblings and parents saying that it was official and she and her boyfriend were engaged. The e-mail had the picture of a ring attached.

    What I wondered when I saw her e-mail a couple weeks ago is when she'd get married. She has been taking this relationship slow (well, maybe not, but from my perspective, but that's not saying much) and they've been together for a few years and living together for more than a year. I was wondering when this would happen. When the ring showed up I didn't know if the wedding would be in another year or two, or if it would be sooner (this year) but I put it out of my mind because...well, maybe because it's not my life and it really doesn't matter when she does it.

    Then I was sitting around while my daughter was taking a bath, playing with these cards and I pulled these two cards. Normally the Queen of Swords (that's what the court card is) leaves me cold. I don't really have an easy time reading this card. I don't have much of a meaning assigned to it, but it does often mean my sister (which is a much better, less cold meaning for it!) who is the only air sign in a family of fire signs (well, my mom is a water sign, but come to think of it, all of us are very fiery, even my mom and sister, who are a double leo and double sag, respectively!) So when I glanced over at the Woman of Crystals I instantly saw it as my sister. It it even looks a bit like her. I won't post a picture because that would breech her privacy, but anyway.

    The other thing is that there are tons of jewels in the card which makes me think of her presenting her ring. So when I looked back at the Hierophant the 'marriage' meaning of Hierophant, as being an institution, the institution of marriage, made it suddenly make sense. When I pulled these two cards I just asked for something that was coming up. I took this to mean their wedding was coming up!

    Fast forward three days. I get an e-mail from my mom this morning saying that she had lunch with my sister's fiance yesterday and that they're planning on having the wedding on the family ranch (like I did when I was married) and that I'd be able to see my grandma then because she thought she could get her to travel for it. This would be this summer--so I'm guessing in a few months.

    I thought it was cool that I heard about this reading's meaning within a few days. I wasn't sure if it would be confirmed right away. So that is sort of gratifying to see. I think I had to do another pull for things happening more directly for me, but it made me realize that I have to broaden my scope to see what else is going on in the lives of my loved ones, too.

    Magic Mentha

    Thursday, March 17, 2011

    Lifting My Spirits with the Devil

    Excuse the slight fuzziness. This was taken with my cell phone camera then edited in Be Funky.

    I thought that title would be funny, but it wasn't quite as funny as I'd hoped.

    In any event, I was sitting outside watching my daughter play in the backyard, but I was feeling empty and cold inside. In fact, the weather is rather cold and windy, despite the temperature not being too low. There have been crazy, howling winds since last night and the burgeoning spring temperatures haven't seemed as warm. No big deal but the clouds and wind seemed to highlight my gloomy mood.

    I actually LOVE gloomy weather, rain and the like, which is why this confused me. Even so, I'm guessing it's mostly coincidental, because my mood was already sort of weird. That's just where I am right now-processing some things. It's not uncommon for me to do this before a birthday but this month seems more so than usual, with things coming to light, and changes in the works.

    I actually found this two card reading very much to the point. I asked what would help me with my gloomy mood. I got the Woman of Wands (my card!) confirming my question being about myself, and then the Devil. Haha! Though I used to always think the Devil meant negative thinking or addiction (which it certainly can) in this case the Devil card looks especially FUN. It seems to me to be more about enjoying yourself than the usual nefarious devil activities. Also, it's titled 'Devil's Play' which makes me think of playing.

    Here's a quote from the card's description:

    "Lift your spirits by passion and play. Recreate yourself through recreation."

    So, I have to figure out how I'd like to play or have fun. What would be fun for me right now? That's the hard part for me right now. When I'm in a funk it's hard for me to see what might be fun, but I guess that's what is called for.

    Magic Mentha

    Llewellyn Tarot (Online) Celtic Cross Reading

     Hi Folks,

    Well, I know I already did a birthday celtic cross reading but I thought I'd do one with the Llewellyn Tarot for the heck of it.  I thought the resulting reading was pretty cool. Just so I don't go all long-winded, and because there are already descriptions with each card, I'll just write a quick note in purple-ish blue beside each card.

    Magic Mentha


      The Star    
       The Sun  The World
    Strength Four of Swords King of Swords Ace of Cups
          Eight of Cups
      Two of Cups   Nine of Pentacles


    Four of Swords

    Four of Swords

    In the Cover position
    Indicates the querent in relationship to the present situation.

    Meaning: Reprieve. Vigil. Withdrawal and silence. Waiting. Isolation and asylum. Existence taking on a surreal feeling, as if one is veiled from life. A seemingly deathlike sleep phase in life, but a time which incubates future dreams. Exile. A freeze on life protecting one from injury or self-destructive behaviour. Recovery. Convalescence. Keeping hidden. Protection in silence. Possibly being forsaken. Warning that a quest may be endangering one's health. Need for help from others. Hospital stay or finding sanctuary. 
    Hrmm...I feel like this is accurate. I've been feeling rather worn down lately. My sleep has not been the best since the methylation support my daughter is receiving right now is interrupting her sleep cycle again. Last night I was up for a few hours in the middle of the night because my daughter woke. So I definitely think this whole resting thing is good advice.   

    The Sun

    The Sun

    In the Cross position
    Represents the positive forces or assets in the querent's favor. If this card should happen to be a negative card, it indicates the nature of an obstacles that is hindering progress. (The card in this position is always interpreted in its upright manner.)

    Meaning: Triumph, success, and security. Growth, well-being, and nourishment. Solutions, faith, and glory. Sincerity in love. Play, vacation, and enjoying the blessings in life without analysis. Being present in the moment. Rejuvenation. Childlike innocence and playful manner. Youth. Trust. Blossoming. Thriving. Enjoying the pleasures of nature. Bounty after trials. Masculine, sexual energy. Summer love, country romance. Bright, warm days. Learning new skills through play. Thanksgiving. Birth of a child. Fame.  
    I think this corresponds with my decision to try to relax and be more open, more positive. And just play more. I have been pondering taking short trips, or doing more things as a family, even knowing it may backfire, or things may not go well. Trying to maintain a positive outlook in the face of uncertainty. But admittedly the birth of a child thing also pulls me in, since I'm still undecided about that.

    Two of Cups

    Two of Cups

    In the Beneath position
    Can be viewed as a message from the "higher self." It can also reflect the querent's potential aspirations.

    Meaning: Romance, love, attraction of opposites. Union. Magnetism. Dance of courtship. Entwining energies. Sparks. The flow and grace of a natural match. Forming emotional bonds. Sharing, stability in give and take. Balanced ebb and flow of emotions. Curiosity, affection, and excitement. Most often symbolizes a romantic partnership, but may refer to a friendship or alliance with an emotional component and compatibility of a kindred polarity. Engagement or marriage.
    Now this card I feel refers to my connection with my husband. We have a very good relationship, I feel, but we've committed to being more open with each other, and just more loving and honest in general. We're fine-tuning things, going to a new level of trust and connection. We mentioned this to each other last night. 

    The Star

    The Star

    In the Crown position
    Represents past events and influences that color and give rise to the current situation.

    Meaning: Hope. Inspiration. Guiding star. Moment of grace and peace. Freedom. Early signs of life taking on a new pattern. Freedom after trials. Chance for escape. First sign of dawn. Release. Self-reliance. Clever, inspired ideas. Listening for direction. A quickening. Salvation. Empowerment. Destiny. A time of farseeing. Taking steps to save one's self‹not giving into resignation. Enlightened idea. Planning. Thaw of the ice. Return of life force. Rejuvenation. Drawing strength from nature.  
    Well, this is great to see. The Star is the healing after the storm (or in our case, seizures) of the Tower. This, combined with the 4 of Swords, makes me think that healing and rejuvenation really IS underway now. After some delays over the past few months I'm glad to see some progress in areas that I really was doubting there could be progress. I like the phrase they use, 'return of life force.'



    In the Behind position
    Represents the preoccupation of the subconscious which filters into waking life, affecting moods and outlook. This is the underlying theme of dreams and the emotional undercurrent in the querent's life.

    Meaning: Courage. The determination to overcome obstacles. Inner strength. Spiritual strength. Consistent effort. Conviction. Having the strength to persevere. Being able to withstand naysayers and judgments of others and not be deterred. Facing one¹s fears. Being true. Harnessing passions that threaten to overwhelm but may be tamed with compassion and the will to overcome. Faith. Vitality. Ability to endure failures, losses, and disappointment, and yet keep the faith. Tenacity. Energy and intelligence. Work. Activity. Integrity. Focus and discipline. Overcoming. Outlasting competition or conditions. Reason and passion unite to bring strength. 
    This card is definitely pretty self-explanatory, but is definitely true in this time of my life more than ever. The phrase 'keep the faith' as well as 'focus and discipline' definitely applies here. Every day I have to stick to my daughter's strict dietary and supplement regime, and have to walk the balance between my daughter getting interaction and connection with her environment, and her also not getting sensory overload. It's not easy and it does take dedication, and sometimes I doubt my own strength, but I feel I have no choice if I want my daughter to do well. Also, I think this refers to my daughter needing dental work (and we all need check-ups)...oy.

    King of Swords

    King of Swords

    In the Before position
    Represents the state of the querent's relationships with others.

    Meaning: A powerful man with a quick temper. He is no fool and should be handled with care. A daring, impressive, effective leader, if a little harsh. A man of influence and long reach. Tenacity. Passion and conviction. An authority. Commanding presence. Impact, bravery, and ambition. 
    Here is another reference to my husband. This is his card--the logical (double) Libra. Though he is also Scorpionic. Still, this is the card I've assigned to him and it never means anything else--it's always him. So yes, my relationship with him is very important and it definitely has been highlighted lately,  and also for us to just be more aware of our impact on each other and with our own selves.

    Nine of Pentacles

    Nine of Pentacles

    In the Self position
    Indicates the querent's psychological state and attitudes which can greatly affect the outcome of the matter.

    Meaning: Prudence. Assessment. Tallying. Successful handling of a multifaceted venture. Having speculated and been proven right. Planning and diplomacy. Care in choosing friends and confidants. Compassion, patience, and effort to understand others. Foresight and honourable behaviour. Popularity.
    I find this a strange description for the 9 of Pentacles, but it does mention starting one's own business, which I think is one of the MAIN meanings of this card--being financially self-sufficient, making money on your own (pentacles=money) (9=hermit=on your own) and this does correspond with my recent interest in starting my own (small) side business of logo and banner design or spot illustration, or something along those lines. But I am nervous about a new venture that might take a lot of time or money but might not do well, so I'm giving it serious thought.

    Eight of Cups

    Eight of Cups

    In the House position
    Represents the querent's environment and unseen forces influencing the situation.

    Meaning: Turning away. Giving up. Finding that something or someone was not a healthy influence. River run dry. Choosing to sacrifice in order to make a clean break and start afresh elsewhere. Abandoning a dream. Changing directions. The dawn of something new. A quest with heart. Bravery. Heeding the call.  
    Changing directions, leaving something behind--yeah, I definitely think that's true. I'm not quite sure where I'm going, but I know I need to move on from this stressful and stagnant place I've been. I'll heed the call if I can hear it, or see where it is leading me. There is a certain sadness, a melancholy mood to this card, I think. Whenever I see it I think of having to leave something behind that you aren't sure if you should or not. Or knowing you should but not wanting to. That kind of thing.

    Ace of Cups

    Ace of Cups

    In the Hopes position
    Indicates the hopes and fears of the querent.

    Meaning: Joy, well-being, nourishment, and beauty. Fertility, creation, and devotion. Protection. The beginning of a blessed, fruitful phase in life. May refer to a cause, project, or idea with soul. The card of true love. Marriage of equals which is of benefit to those people close to the couple or their cause. A force for good. Consummated union. The well of love, art, devotion, and compassion. Divine inspiration and protection. Brave heart. A great love that even if unrequited or thwarted still bestows the creative and transformative power, heights, and knowledge that otherwise would remain unknown.  
    Hopes and fears. I guess that makes sense. A new emotional and creative joy. The Ace of Cups doesn't SEEM like something to be feared, so I'll take it more as a hope. I think this refers to new and fresh love in my current relationship, as well as new creative stuff, and maybe something unknown--anything new that is near and dear to my heart. but I am not sure what that is yet.

    The World

    The World

    In the Outcome position
    Indicates the outcome of the matter.

    Meaning: Ascension. Opening to a higher dimension. Culmination and synthesis. Enlightenment. Attaining a broader view of life. Moving beyond the personal to become aware of the interconnected nature of life. Harmony and perfection. Peace and freedom of thought. Inspiration and comprehension. Ecstasy. Glimpses, however brief, of the great mysteries of life. Being able to appreciate the larger scene or patterns in life. Faith. Epiphany. A heightened sense of being alive. Purpose. Confidence. Completion. Enjoying life and anticipating its curves. Unencumbered by the trivial. Being in control of one¹s fate. Intelligence. Independence. Determination and stability. Strength and enthusiasm. Intuition and spiritual heights. Crowning achievement. Reward and promotion. Graduation. Lasting happiness. As the last of the major arcana, the Universe represents the height of a progression. The Universe card is associated with the four evangelists, Matthew, Luke, Mark, and John, who in turn are equated with incarnation, passion, resurrection, and ascension, respectively.   
    Pretty intense outcome. Well, not INTENSE, per se--just grand. The Universe! Aka the World. I feel like this is just another cycle ending sort of card, but there's also this sense of freedom, of traveling, of international flair, of connection and excitement that goes with the Universe card. It feels more celebratory. That sounds pretty good to me!