Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Healing My Daughter's Seizures with B12 Injections

You could consider this post something of a follow-up to the previous post. Without realizing it, I pulled these cards and found myself thinking, again, about my daughter's seizures and what the DAN doctor is thinking of the most probable (main) cause: B12 deficiency. My daughter's B12 level was lower than anything he'd ever seen, and it's likely this is a methylation defect (possibly genetic). She is taking several other supplements to bring her levels up to normal but the B vitamins (namely B6 and B12) are of particular importance and are especially low.

To me these cards seemed obvious. The Tower has always held the ominous meaning of seizures, which I won't explain here but anyone who read my old blog (Tarot by Celeste) can confirm this, and anyone who's new to my blog will now know that the Tower makes me cringe because it has accurately predicted seizures many times. However, when I saw this spread I did not assume it meant she'd be having seizures again.

Why? Well, it has something to do with the configuration of these cards. The Tower is shown before the Star, which shows the calm after the storm. The Ace of Swords has immediate meaning for me (a meaning I unintentionally assigned to it but now can't shake) of the B12 injections my daughter has received. The first time I got it a few months ago I (thought I) saw it as referring to blood draws, which it certainly did, but now I wonder that all along it referred more directly to the every-three-days B12 injections my daughter receives.

Why is this coming up at this moment? I am not sure. Maybe something is going to happen with it sooner than I think. I didn't think we'd be changing anything with this regime for another month or two, but perhaps we will be.

Magic Mentha

A Look Ahead at June: Two Courts and Two Aces

Two Courts, Two Aces...Matching Set!
I decided to use my semi-neglected (but still adored!) Albano-Waite Mini to do a reading taking a peek ahead at June. I was actually kind of nervous to do this but I was equally curious about what would crop up as possible themes.

I cleared my mind and even asked how many cards would be ideal to choose. I got a very clear answer to pick four cards and no more. Sounded like a nice, solid number. Four it is!

The four cards I received surprised me a bit in their specificity and also in general. It really says a lot about my tiredness and state of mind that I anticipated something unpleasant coming up.

I also think one has to take tarot predictions with a grain of salt. Even if they're eerily accurate (which they can be) you still have to act in an authentic way and not let the cards coerce or trip you up. You just take note of it and move on. It can be the most useful when you allow it to gently guide you rather than bludgeon you over the head.

On to the cards themselves. Excuse the slightly wonky, ill-lit photo. I was losing daylight and things are a bit out of proportion. I let the cards choose themselves, mostly. The ones that wriggled loose or fell out. They came out without much of a fight. When I lay them all out I was pretty impressed.

You know how when you put cards down and they immediately make sense? Yeah, that feeling. There's also the feeling, 'Uh...what?' or 'Oh $hit.' Thankfully I did not have the latter, but I was a bit surprised. Sort of. I wasn't that surprised by the cards because they seem to be more of a continual or returning theme rather than a brand new concept.

The courts: King of Pentacles and Page of Wands. This immediately brought to mind (without any effort at all) my daughter's DAN doctor. I've designated the King of Pentacles to represent him. It has nothing to do with his astrological sign, as I am not sure what that is. I see the King of Pentacles as a holistic doctor, which he is. He works with biomedical and integrative approaches. He is who we are seeing primarily for my daughter, to get her vitamin deficiencies taken care of. He works with children who have seizures (or autism, adhd and other, related issues) all the time. That's the main thing he does. Seeing his card next to my daughter's card (Page of Wands) strengthened this meaning for me.

The two aces made me think of something *new* starting with regard to this union. Either we begin the titration down from the medication *GULP* or we somehow interact with or meet up with her doc in order to usher in a new phase of her health treatment. For me, the surprising part came in because I did not anticipate beginning the process of lowering her seizure medications until July or August, not June. I wanted to wait because the testing we have to do in order to move forward is very expensive and I want to make sure she has adequate time receiving the B12 injections and other interventions before that happens.

It could very well be that there is some other thing I am missing here. But I feel strongly that my interpretation is correct and either her doctor will want to start something in June or some other thing will happen to move things forward. Aces are always something new and I am pretty sure I know who the two players in this are (my daughter and the doctor) topic-wise.

I also find it interesting that there is an ace for each court. There's the Ace of Wands for the Page of Wands and the Ace of Pentacles for the King of Pentacles. Why this is relevant or helpful in any way...I have no idea. Maybe it isn't. I just thought I'd point that out!

Magic Mentha

A Deal with the Devil

On this, the last day of May, I decided I needed to use the Haindl deck one more time. I've been going back between the Haindl and the Tarot of White Cats this month, and since I planned on switching to the trio (Goddess Guidance, Heart of Faerie and Tarot Fauxbergé) for June I wanted to use this deck once again to wrap things up.

I am pleasantly surprised how much I've enjoyed using the Haindl. I've always had a (begrudging?) respect for it but it was never a favorite. After using it throughout this month, I can see myself turning to it more often now that I have developed a friendship with it.

The Haindl usually gives it to me straight, although not always in the way I'd expect. It's not really a fluffy deck, but it's not a MEAN deck, either. It's playful and serious at the same time. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining this. Regardless, it's a deck worth working with.

My cards today reflect the frustration (and negative-thinking inducing) situation with my daughter's refusal...outright refusal...to poop in any sort of normal way or at a normal time, and also her general stubbornness which is really starting to interfere a LOT with normal life. Ok, starting is an understatement--it has been abnormal and disruptive for quite some time.

Part of me understands. Yes, our situation and our daughter is not typical. In some ways I can accept this. But in others I just can't. I refuse to continually get up in the night, for instance, while every hour or two my daughter needs to poop but won't. She did end up doing that the past few nights in a row and again I find myself sleep-deprived and frustrated. I've been trying to figure out the best way to approach this issue (and many others) with my daughter but anything that we, as parents, or our doctors (the so-called professionals) do, is only rebuffed by my volcano daughter.

I know that she knows how to do these thing she's avoiding. It's obvious. These are things she has done before and has demonstrated a knowledge of, but she is very avoidant, defiant and definitely stubborn about certain things. On the other hand, I can understand her perspective because as a child who had severe anxiety and was often labeled a 'problem child', I was sick of having people tell me what to do and take me to doctors, too. So even though I am on the other side of the equation and I really don't WANT to take this role or tell ANYONE what I do, I have to. I can't neglect the duty.

Anyway, I told my husband that even though I have my reservations about the Law of Attraction (though I've still done it on occasion, with unpredictable degrees of success), I was sick of all the exhausting effort. Usually effort yields good results. Not so much with this situation. I told him, 'Let's just drop this. Drop it completely. Not think about it, not care about it, etc.' He agreed that all the frustration and worry about it was not helping. So that's our current thing. This post is my last acknowledgment, for the time being, of my daughter's hard-headedness about various issues.

To me, these cards signal my desperation--a 'deal with the devil' if you will. I'd do almost ANYTHING to get some of these issues safely resolved. All the behavior, mood and health issues. But my feeling is that I have to be patient and not force it. So the Devil represents that to me, as well as the trap of negative thinking. The 10 of Wands seems obvious--it's the stress of the situation. And the Four of Wands...perfection, family harmony, initial success...is what we want out of it.

I hope everyone had a good May and that June is 1,000 times better for you regardless.

Magic Mentha

Friday, May 27, 2011

Turning Off My Computer

I got the Nine of Stones from Haindl today. I'd love material gain (who doesn't?) but it could mean the more traditional woman-alone-in-garden thing.

I realized something today. I really, really feel hooked to the computer lately. This has admittedly been a problem for me for years, even before having my daughter, but it seems worse lately. Whenever my stress level rises or I feel lonely or (insert thing) I find myself inevitably turning to the computer. While I very much appreciate and love my friends out there, I think that the problem lies more in too much time spent on the computer. I can't regulate it. It doesn't help that taking my daughter out right now is pretty much a nightmare (a lot of the time, not always) and I find myself sinking deeper into an on-line world in order to escape my plight.

As Tori says in Digital Ghost:

"Just take a closer look at what it is that's really haunting you."

Because of this I have decided not only to turn off my computer more of the time (I'll still check e-mail) but also to only post once or twice a week for the month of June and see how it goes. I am sure that I won't be able to completely avoid reading blogs or other such things, but I would like to experiment with whole days of not being on the computer, and the days when I am on, being on maybe 1/5 as much. I know that I can do it, but it may take a harsh look at my life and what I'm avoiding.

See you next week!

Magic Mentha

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Power + Mixed Happiness = ?

Excuse the annoyingly vertical nature of this pull...

Feeling a bit 'blah' and not really wanting to pull tarot cards I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at these cards! Four of Cups is sort of the stereotypical 'blah' card, although there is more to it than just that. The Nine of Wands may not be quite so much but whenever I see it I sort of wince. It's the 'hang in there' card...when things are tiring and you have to adjust your bandages and go back into battle.

Holding work in the palm of my hand...kinda.

But when I wasn't quite sure what this referred to and/or why, I pulled a third card and got the Three of Pentacles...work. It made a lot of sense to me because I definitely have not felt a 'calling' of any sort. Not even remotely. I've been listening and listening for something that seems right but it isn't coming. I think I need to be more patient with this.  I need to tell myself that it's OK that I don't know what to do next creatively, work-wise or vocation-wise (even hobby-wise). My main focus is definitely my daughter's stuff, and considering the transitional nature of things at the moment (which is sort of silly to say because everything is always transitioning to something else, but that seems particularly true of this moment in time) I think it's wise to just keep it that way...to hang in and allow some boredom.

Magic Mentha

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Single Card Focus: Stress Stuff Again

I get this card a lot when:

  • I'm stressed/in an anxiety cycle
  • I'm sleeping badly
  • I'm having some physical pain, especially headaches
  • I'm having hypochondria

Actually, all of the above are true right now, but I'd still put all of them under the umbrella of stress. Do I think my stress is overpowering, unbeatable? No, I don't. I have lived with chronic anxiety long enough to know that I can turn the cycle around if I apply enough prevention and focused effort.

Is it always easy? No. Not everything in life can be easily turned around, however we can easily make the decision and do the best we can under our current circumstances, reaching out to others when we need help. And that is what I'm doing.

I've been having lots of body and back pain, enough to wake me in the night or prematurely wake me in the morning. Couple this with my daughter's sleep issues waking me too early, I am not necessarily a happy camper sleep-wise.

But really, these are not new problems, though there has been a resurgence of the back/sciatica pain. There are things I can do to alleviate it. I may not be able to get rid of it 100%, but I can bring it down to a level where I can sleep better.

Some things that help back pain and headaches:

  • Stretching and gentle exercises
  • Stress management
  • Eating well and staying hydrated
  • Getting massages from friends, loved ones
  • Going to the chiropractor or physical therapist

    At least these are the things that tend to help me the most. Another thing is to make sure the bed and chairs you have are ergonomically designed and not causing undue pain and pressure on your body which causes painful pressure points and nerve issues in back and neck. Also, to make sure you aren't constantly sitting or laying down in positions that press on or create those painful points.

    One potential source of back pain (or at least exacerbating my back pain) is my bed. It is about five years old, which isn't too bad, but it has not been very comfortable lately. Even my husband remarked that it gives him back and shoulder pain not unlike mine when he uses it. He was very thoughtful and got me a mattress topper that is supposed to give a bit of help to older beds. It was highly reviewed on Amazon. I crawled into bed hopefully last night then fell asleep. But when I woke up this morning my back pain was just as bad as always (maybe slightly worse if I'm being totally honest...)

    SOooo...rather than give up or feel sorry for myself I am going to re-dedicate myself to figuring out what will help my stress and body pain. I want to go to the source of my stress and issues and see what I can do to help them. I know that I need to exercise and stretch more, and that I need to recognize when I am stressed and take preventative measures to counter it. That I need to bite the bullet and pay the $40 out of pocket to go to my chiropractor once in a while. I usually only go 2-3 times a year, but sometimes it's just unavoidable if I'm in too much pain.

    Right now my two main focuses are my daughter and my health. I need to start feeling better physically and also coming down from my anxious/fight-or-flight stance. Creative or life path stuff can come later. I won't be any use to anyone if I'm not feeling right in body, mind and heart.


    Magic Mentha

    True Work Reading, Thanks to Tarot in a Teacup

    This image is a bit screwed up because there was a smear on my camera lens, but it's not too bad I guess...

    I popped over to Monica's blog a bit ago and saw her posting of A Reading Inspired by the Suit of Pentacles. She got it from Rachel Pollock's book: Tarot Wisdom. I don't have this book but it seems to have gotten high marks on Amazon. I have a few tarot spread books but I find I seem to do better without spreads, though honestly it is fun to do spreads even when you don't immediately understand the reading, which is the case with me today!

    Here's the structure of the questions:

    Image is from Monica

    So, when I pulled over my first card and saw Strength as my true work I was puzzled. I couldn't think of a profession that this might follow. Body-builder? No. Dental Assistant? No...I don't know! Ack. At the end I wondered about nutrition since it centers on the teeth/head and that made me think of eating and my recent resurgence of interest in nutrition, but that's a bit of a shot in the dark.

    The second card shows me what would help, and this immediately seemed to be indicating that I might need some training. This is certainly true if it's not something I'm already proficient at (i.e. art or something creative/artsy). I'll need training. I'd been considering working in the integrative health field for some time but have not pursued that yet. Mostly because I'm not sure how I could possibly approach it, being a full-time stay-at-home-mom to my daughter and not sure if I can even get certified either as a nutritionist, herbalist or other naturopath.

    Anyway...so the third card shows what hinders, and that is what I touched on with that last sentence about not being sure how to start. The Ace of Wands to me indicates starting something with vigor and enthusiasm. It's the creative spark. I definitely don't have that right now, but I yearn for it. Wishing and hoping won't make it so...I have to find my own momentum and use it, but this makes sense as a block. I'm not 'fired up' about things.

    In the fourth card shows the overall recommendation to be the Sun. Such a happy, sunshiney card. It tells me I need to get out there in the open, be positive, be receptive, be clear. I think this makes sense. I definitely don't feel this way and I could use a good dose of this to get moving and get centered on my goals. This card is also enthusiastic in the same sense that the Ace of Wands is. There's that fire energy with these cards.

    In the final card we have the Devil. This is what I'm supposed to do now! What a funny way to end the reading. How should I take this? In the negative or the positive sense? To me this could mean dealing with my own negativity, blocks or feelings of being shackled, which definitely are all issues now. It could mean more fun and naughty play. It could mean dealing with any sort of obsession or addiction (caffeine, carbs, whatever) that I may have. It could mean all of the above.

    At any rate, the reading ended up being a lot more interesting than I thought but I wanted more clarity on my 'True Path' so I pulled one more card as a clarification to see if I could piece together my thoughts on this alleged 'True Work'...

    One card flipped out of the deck (King of Wands) and I pulled a second card for added info, and got the 6 of Pentacles. Hrm. Interesting. Seems like I'm overseeing or initiating some sort of charity? I don't know. I could be wrong, but this made me think of somehow giving to the needy, or ministering to others somehow. OK. I admit I am clueless on this. Any comments or ideas are appreciated!


    Magic Mentha

    Great Site for Tarot Combination Meanings

    My hilarious attempt to use classic tarot card backs as a background, repeated. A bit disjointed but oh well! ;)

    On the hunt for meanings to certain tarot combinations (in this instance I was looking for what the Emperor plus the Star meant) I found this site. Pretty cool. Here's what they said about the Emperor+Star combo:

    Emperor and Star (Aries & Aquarius) --- Triumph. Calm after success. Being in one's own territory. Satisfied relaxation.

    I know it's useful to use your intuition rather than follow prescribed meanings, but sometimes it is nice to see what other people have found in their own personal research and use of the tarot.


    Magic Mentha

    Generosity, Balance, Give and Take

    I am perhaps a bit too tired to say what exactly I think of this draw, except for what I've briefly outlined here. Don't you think there's a theme? There's some sort of yin/yang kind of feeling to each card. In the Six of Cups we have giving and receiving. In the Justice card we have a balance being struck which, to me, mirrors the whole give/receive dynamic. In the final card we have the Six of Pentacles which is another give and take card. The interesting thing about this reading is that I have no idea what side of things I'm on--whether I am generous or the one receiving. But I've heard it said that generosity is not just in what you give, but how you receive. When you receive graciously, you are also being generous. Everyone ends up on both sides of the give/take spectrum at various times in their lives.


    Magic Mentha

    My Great Aunt's Health

    This evening I received an e-mail from my mom saying that my great aunt was ailing (she's 86, almost 87) and in hospice. They said they thought she was shutting down and was refusing food and drink and sleeping a lot. They aren't sure she'll last long. I did a two card reading about it and got the Empress and Death. Hrm...normally I would not associate Death with actual death but this time I did. In fact, I 'knew' that Death would come up as a card. My grandmother (my great aunt's sister) is coming down with one of her daughters to see my great aunt and my mom and a couple of my sisters are going down there as well. When they return, I'll get to spend some time with my grandmother but I wish it wasn't under such dreary circumstances.


    Magic Mentha

    Changing Uselessness Intuitively

    When I first pulled this draw I wasn't quite sure what to think. Two powerful, stolid forces of nature surround a blobby, icky, dishonest giving-up kind of energy. The Seven of Swords is usually depicted as some dude sneaking off with swords, but the minors are not scenes in this deck, except they are. They definitely have emotion even though they aren't as scenic as the majors. They are not pips, though, even though I guess technically you could call them that. In this deck, you see these distorted gooey faces behind crossed, carelessly laid swords. It definitely gives you an unclear, jumbled and perhaps shady feeling, but mostly it's just sort of icky and blah. It does remind me of how I've been feeling on and off for some time now.

    While at first I thought this may've referred strictly to an argument about showing our authentic selves and honesty in my relationship, now I am thinking it may indicate a higher level of honesty and integrity in my entire life. I am definitely not the sneaky type, but do I get confused, distorted, negative, down at times? Yeah, probably more than I should. Has this held me back from change? Yes, more than likely. Do I know this on a deep level? Yes, again I do. Am I scared of how my life will change or what I need to do? Yeah, that's also probably true. Some of that is obvious. Some of the changes are scary or painful, others are just unknown.

    It looks ridiculous to typed here but I'm just REALLY starting to realize that I'm an adult and I need to truly make my own choices and mean it. Sometimes I forget how much time has passed. While I've never felt comfortable with my childhood and was always eager to get away from it, at the same time I'm realizing that the same can be said for my adulthood. I'm not comfortable with having such a profound impact on my life and the lives of those around me. I find myself doing things like limiting my influence as much as possible. For years now, except in very minor ways or private circles, I just don't put myself out there in any truly open and vulnerable way. By vulnerable I mean honest in a way that says, 'take it or leave it' and doesn't flinch (or have an identity crisis) if someone rejects me.

    So I think I am going to try to follow this inner cue to take my life more fully into my hands, and also allow a new level of acceptance for myself to emerge from the rubble of my past disappointments, fears and projections.

    Magic Mentha

    Monday, May 23, 2011

    A Direct Answer

    I'm too lazy to post all of the mini readings I did today with this deck, but I thought they were all very good. Maybe if I get a burst of energy later. Anyway. In a single card draw I asked if we'd be getting a windfall soon (no idea why I asked that since it's not something I ask very often) and I got the Ace of Pentacles. And this time I was pretty sure it did not mean poop. :) We've already gotten the poop process going several days ago since my daughter's been off the iron for quite some time and we're not putting her back on for a while. When I saw this I thought, 'Seriously? Cool...'

    I just thought that was a neat and very direct answer. This happened moments before when I wanted to ask how my grandma was doing. Her only sibling, her sister, died less than a week ago and I worried how she was doing. Yes, she has short term memory loss and I'm not as certain of how things impact her and what she remembers, but I think she has much of these things intact as far as appropriate responses go. I got her card (the Queen of Pentacles) plus the 5 of Cups and 9 of Swords, which shows some sadness, angst and possibly trouble sleeping on her part. That saddened me but I was glad to know that my little sister is visiting her back in Texas and they're probably having a fun time together.

    It was funny because in both cases I KNEW the appropriate cards would come up. Sometimes you just have a sense of it. Then I did another reading on a different topic (my current efforts with a naturopath who is also represented by the Queen of Pentacles). I could easily tell who was who, even with the same court card. Amazingly the naturopath's court card came up along with the 2 of Pentacles, which to me shows trying to get things in balance, make balanced choices, etc, as well as the Judgment card, which tells me to step up to the plate and get a better life for myself... a 'wake-up' call. The other two cards were the naturopath's card (Queen of Pentacles) and the Knight of Cups, which to me would be some sort of offering or introduction, which makes sense if I'm starting a new treatment plan.

    Well, I told you I wouldn't post all the readings but I told you about most of them. I just didn't include all the photos.

    Magic Mentha

    Those Crazy Eights

    When I pulled these two cards yesterday I wasn't quite sure what to think. Was this showing two simultaneous conditions or was it showing the obstacle (8 of Swords) and the solution (8 of Cups)? I wasn't sure, but I'm leaning toward the latter. It seems like being tied up to a tree is not the most pleasant fate, and the dude setting out on his path, though likely weary or discouraged, is at least making progress.

    Finally, it could be showing a contrast. Being trapped versus the freedom to set out on any sort of courageous adventure. Or, because it shows day in the first card and night in the second, it could indicate the struggle to get free in the first card, then finally getting free as evening came by. In some ways it reminds me of yesterday's reading in that sense. When I saw the snow in the 5 of Pentacles in yesterday's spread I then saw the weather changing (showing that a season or two had passed before the next steps) in the following cards, and then the water in the last two cards showed the trip over water and the shore they reached in the star.

    As I look at these cards again I get the strange feeling that the female character in the first card is actually being tied up by the male in the second card! She was left there while he set off in another direction. Too many possibilities, but hopefully I'll get a clue in some direction.

    Magic Mentha

    Sunday, May 22, 2011

    The Long Journey Toward Healing

    I was thinking about something just now as I was editing this pull for posting. Tarot draws (daily tarot draws) have been such a help in keeping my mental balance. It's a place for me to deal with a lot of crap that I normally might just be anxious over but not know how to constructively get down, even in journal format. Tarot is like a semi-prophetic journal of sorts. It's current (as well as past and future) and it gives you a chance to see a symbolic visual format of your life.

    In this pull, which was actually done a day or two ago, I saw a journey from sickness to health. The Five of Pentacles, which can often mean sickness or poverty, is receiving the financial help they need in the Six of Pentacles to ferry along their way in the Six of Swords. The final destination of the family in the boat is the healing waters of the Star.

    I loved the clear progression of this draw. Very satisfying.

    Magic Mentha

    Saturday, May 21, 2011

    The Tired Tarot Reader's Pull: Four of Swords

    I'm thankful that the Haindl Tarot is so photogenic. It really does photograph well in both natural light settings as well as flash photography, which is kind of rare in a deck. You can painstakingly tweak your photography skills to make your flash photos somewhat passable but it's harder to find a deck that looks decent with a flash.  Some even look BETTER with flash photography. Who knew?

    Anyway. I didn't have anything specific in mind. Again I just wanted to see what came up because although I tend to be a bit on the controlling side, I've been trying to surrender to 'what is'...but when I say that I mean in a somewhat focused way. I can't just be vague and 'give up'...I have to also pay attention to what it is I really feel, need, want, etc.

    There's a difference (in my opinion) between being ultra-passive, ultra-lazy about life and not really doing the footwork, and also allowing yourself to feel what you feel and need what you need, then take directed action in that direction. There's TRUE power in that! There's a danger in complacency, but also in workaholism. I think it's part of the human condition. When things are too easy we get lazy. When things are too hard we despair. We have to find some sort of balance between productivity and fun. And I just haven't figured out how to do that in a relaxed way.

    This card, although it usually means literal sleep in my case (and likely still does, especially since I went to bed too late last night) also means mental respite. Taking a mental break from frazzled thoughts, or just responsibilities weighing heavily. There is so much on my mind. I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few months, the rest of this year. I know that NO ONE knows what will happen at any given moment (not fully) but I mean...when I say I have no idea I mean I have NO idea. There's so much uncertainty, and some of it is mad scary stuff, like my daughter's seizure medication removal and other health issues. Some of it is whether we'll move or not.

    But all of it comes with a confusing dose of waiting and sacrifice. So I think what this card is telling me is just to give it a rest. Right now there's no imminent pressure on me. Nothing is sitting on my head and shoulders at this moment. Right now is simply right now. Nothing has to be done this month or even next month. Probably won't be for another 2-3 months until we truly take action, depending on how things are going. I need to keep things mellow until then because if things don't go particularly well then I will not want to be burnt out from stress. I want to feel courageous and fresh. If that's even possible...

    I guess I also need to take the literal sleep meaning. But this card also made me think of a truce in fighting. So any strife in my life in any relationship I need to just halt and not worry about. The noise dispute with the neighbors, any arguing with the hubby, or other sources of tension should be stopped as much as possible so as not to add to the current stresses. Sure, things may come up again later but maybe what I need more than anything is to take a break from what is going on since I can't seem to wrap my mind around all the things that are up in the air.

    Magic Mentha

    Two Things Changing Reading

    Again today I decided to let the cards guide me rather than force a mold around what I wanted to ask then make the cards mean something. I find my readings less accurate, more rigid when I try to force a certain question. There are some exceptions to this. Sometimes the answers are very clear but other times you're just asking for trouble when you force an answer from the tarot. Sometimes it really is trying to tell you something important that you aren't noticing.

    I drew three cards. The first card I drew was the Ace of Swords. This card ALWAYS makes me think of my daughter's B-12 injections now. Always! It's crazy how we make these associations but it's helpful when they indicate specific, current circumstances. Of course if it came up for someone else I would not think that as readily unless it seemed appropriate.

    In any event, this card immediately made me think of the shots and what they were doing (which is bringing her ultra-low levels of B12 up in order to prepare her to get off medications) and so I wanted more information on that since it really doesn't say much just to have that card by itself. The card I drew to accompany it was Death. This made me think that the shots were doing some good and making some major change both possible and also showing that the shots themselves were changing her by helping increase her cognitive functions and fix her mood issues.

    For kicks I pulled a final card and got the Two of Cups. I wasn't sure if this dealt with the first two cards at all, or if the Death card in the center was indicating change happening in two separate areas: my daughter's health for which a key area is the B-12 injections, or my love relationship, which had endured a recent argument which we are still dealing with the fallout from.

    I talked to my husband yesterday and we are both adjusting to the idea that we hold onto a sense of self instead of trying to either be insecure and act the way we think the other person wants us to act, or withholding information because we're afraid of what the other person thinks. In either case, with pure insecurity or with falsehood, we're not promoting an authentic sense of self or trust in the relationship (and each other) which is where we're trying to get to. In the meantime there's the adjustment period, and being nervous about our authentic selves.

    So basically there are nervous feelings for both things in my life--I want authenticity, honesty, trust and truth in my relationship but it does get uncomfortable at times if things are revealed that you don't like about a partner, and it certainly is nerve-racking having a child with an illness that you're working on healing and you aren't sure of the outcome.

    But the best we can do with both cases is realize that both processes are normal and that we're doing the best we can with both things.  We're doing the right thing which is not necessarily the same thing as the easy thing. Unfortunately...

    Magic Mentha

    Friday, May 20, 2011

    A Health Conscious Message

    I decided to really see what hit me in the cards today, even if I saw it as boring or something I didn't originally plan to write about or address. I was glad that the cards I pulled immediately made me think of current, relevant things. Sometimes I admit it's harder to do so. Though I would say having difficulty reading cards is almost always more of a function of being exhausted and not in the mode to tap into your subconscious or maybe the 'Great Unconscious' as it were.

    My first card to pull in today's three card spread is the Queen of Cups. But when I pulled the card I was staring at the rotund body of the Venus of Willendorf in this card. This, instead of triggering my usual process of 'ok, who are they referring to in this card' when I see a court card, I thought of my weight. It seems pretty obvious. The Venus of Willendorf is yesteryear's answer to the ideal woman. How things have changed now that waif-like or else super-athletic women are the ideal.

    Regardless of anyone's ideal in any time, I realize that I need to lose weight. Years of not truly dealing with my weight problem, and having a decent amount of stress on me, have caused too much weight, especially, to gain in my mid-section. I know that cortisol, released during stressful times, contributes to belly fat, and I don't need that. As an overweight woman who has struggled with acute anxiety and stress her whole life, I know that this is not doing wonders for my body.  There are many things I can do to lose weight, but stress management and good sleep is a surprising way to help things a bit.

    Anyway, as I looked at the second card and saw the Eight of Stones and thought of the cards I pulled yesterday when I asked about my appointment with the naturopathic doctor who specializes in stress management, hormonal issues, female health and diet, many of the things I was hoping for help in. This card is subtitled 'Knowledge' which is a great key word for learning vital information about your body and health (which brings to mind the earth suit, which this card is). Since I received this message yesterday I found it to be a continuation of that. The final card I see as also showing my decision to take care of my health since it came up here in yet another similar reading about my health.

    I really love how all of these recent readings about my appointment have all linked together somehow.

    Magic Mentha

    Thursday, May 19, 2011

    A Positive Message on an Oddly Dreary Day

    Excuse the weird title to this--I was too into alliteration

    It's Thursday evening and I didn't post earlier today because I was out for much of the day, but I decided in the end to go ahead and pull a few cards. I'm glad I did because (even if they're bogus!) the cards were very positive. I felt like this went with how the day ended up going.

    Although I woke up earlier than I'd like and the weather was very foggy and dreary (rainy, but I don't mind that since I like rain most of the time), I was very glad to be able to meet up with the ND who helped me look over all my test results and figure out a good health plan for me. Which I think we did.

    I was pleasantly relieved (not to mention surprised) to find that my cholesterol had gone down 35 points! Granted, I've cut back on carbs and refined sugars, added fish oil, and a couple little things but I was still surprised. And that was without being too consistent. I can tell you I was very glad to see that number going down instead of up.

    As far as my other numbers went, my blood sugar level is just fine and not pre-diabetic or insulin resistant (as yet, but if I continued to gain weight or not do anything about things that might change, of course) and that was a big relief, too. A lot of traditional medical doctors try to scare tactic you into changing habits or losing weight, or exercising, or anything, really, but for me scare tactics simply scare me but don't scare me into action. It's very rare that I'm scared into action. Most of the time fear paralyzes rather than catalyzes me.

    I really like the woman who is helping me that is an expert in nutrition and natural health. Although I know more than the average person about these things, I'm still not an expert, and I like having an outside opinion about my health because it helps ground me. Otherwise I imagine the worst case scenario right away and follow that to its inexorable conclusion, which is often quite bad...

    So, following this manageable plan includes moderate, somewhat unstructured exercise (whatever feels right--walking, dancing, getting side with my daughter) a few days a week plus a few supplements for sleep, anxiety and of course continuing my (yeast-free) b-complex and vitamin D for the deficiencies I have, and a thyroid boosting supplement. I felt like it was something I could do. The recommendations seemed to be thoughtful and designed not to overwhelm me.

    My daughter finally pooped but it was just a small amount--I'm hoping this means a bigger poop is coming soon (TMI, but still good news for us) and that's what I'm hoping this success card is referring to. I'm guessing the knowledge card is more about what I learned about my health today.

    On the heels of this positive news I got some rather depressing news which is that my great aunt died today. The positive aspect of that is that she died in her sleep. The negative aspect is...well, it's obvious. Death is death. It's not easy. And even though Blogger lost my post about her from late last week when my grandma came to visit her I knew when I received the Death card that it was definitely going to happen soon, but it's still something that is stressful and sad even when you expect it. There's really nothing to prepare you for it.

    That being said, I feel a little guilty that I'm not closer to my great aunt and that I didn't know her better. I've seen her many times over the years but I was not extremely close to her. I remember her as a sweet, jovial woman (a Cancer) who loved to offer you delicious snickerdoodles, or a wonderfully made warm meal, and the kindness of her hospitality. She had a quick wit and kind nature, not unlike her sister (my grandma) and I know that although I wasn't as close to her as I would've liked, she will be missed by all that knew her.

    Magic Mentha

    Wednesday, May 18, 2011

    A Retreat for My Health

    I did a reading just a bit ago, asking about tomorrow's appointment with an integrative doctor (for my own health) who focuses on female health, hormonal health, and nutrition. She's supposed to be very good at what she does and she's helping us with our daughter's issues.

    I've been struggling with various health issues such as being significantly overweight, borderline low thyroid, non-alcoholic fatty liver, high cholesterol, and a few vaguely hormonal symptoms. I've read some about how to help them, but I wanted someone with more concrete experience in these matters--and it sounds like this lady would be that person.

    What I saw in these cards was a need to retreat, regroup and maybe leave things behind altogether for my health. The Four of Swords and Hermit made me think of needing to be alone, to rest, to gather my thoughts, to meditate. The Eight of Cups made me think of retreating, too, so the combined effect felt very much about silence and time to oneself rather than pure participation.

    The Knave of Pentacles (which I believe is the Page of Pentacles) made me think of the new opportunity for exploring my health issues. I know this could be seen as a business opportunity or a financial thing, or even a child, but I'm going with the purely physical idea of this card--something new happening in the physical realm for me. Which meeting up with a nutritionist/integrative health doctor certainly would be.

    Magic Mentha

    Nervous and Fearful About My Daughter's Recovery

    As we get closer and closer to the time when we'll be gradually weaning my daughter off of medications I find myself filled with rising panic. I WANT to feel good about it. I want to look forward to when she's off of the medications, sans seizures, and able to function better, due to the removal of offending side effects. But I'm afraid. Really, really afraid.

    The extent of my fear became clear to me late tonight when I found myself bringing up the topic with my husband. As I spoke about our daughter and the upcoming medication removal, I noted a dramatic increase in anxiety in my mind, body and heart. It was almost unbearable. I feared the whole process--most of which I would be doing by myself since the doctors and my husband would not be there to assist me through it--and I found myself clawing out of an abyss of fear by outright refusing to be the only one there as her medications were lowered.

    One problem: there's really no alternative. My husband can't just stay home for 2-3 months, as he simply doesn't have that much time off work per year, and we've already used all but eight days off for this year. Fueled by my fear and a sense of exhaustion, I informed my husband that I couldn't bring myself to go through that hell of dealing with possible seizures again, having been through it myself before. Now that I know how horrible it is I don't want to voluntarily deal with it once again.

    He tried to cajole me by saying that we didn't know what would happen and it might be the best thing, etc, but he admitted that he had no idea what would really occur once the medications were lowered or removed, and he wishes that he knew, or that SOMEONE could give us some assurance. The thing is, medical things are often very touchy. Especially involving brain disorders/damage and the like. There's so much they don't know about the brain and I'm way spooked by the hundreds of stories I read researching seizures and medication. So many people died or failed to achieve seizure control upon removing medications. This is no monkey business.

    So that's where I am right now. It's just after midnight and I find myself stale-mated. I just want to give up. I feel like I'm surrounded. I know I have to act but I feel utterly burnt out and scared to death of the whole process. I hate this tremendous responsibility and I would do anything to be rid of it. I don't really know what to do, but I did a few pulls. They were very mixed in nature--showing hope here, but disappointment and pain or uselessness on the other end. Not that reassuring.

    However, when I went back a second time for a shorter, simpler reading I got these two cards. The Star and my daughter's card the Page of Wands. I know that the Star is often indicated for healing, hope, recovery and other things of that nature. I know that's a good thing but right now it's doing very little to allay my very intense fears of what is going to happen. I know that I have to do some serious soul-searching, or else bucking up.  I just feel that it's one thing to say that you believe that things will be resolved, and you have hope, but another thing yet to put your child's very life on the line in trying to improve that same quality of life.

    So I don't quite know what I'm going to do. Postpone or not postpone? I keep feeling like we're missing something here, but I know that there are some things I need to figure out, both within myself and with my daughter's doctors before I make any concrete decisions.

    Magic Mentha

    Tuesday, May 17, 2011

    A Happy Ending?

    This morning, upon being awakened by loudly barking dogs just after 6am (after a crappy night of sleep) I summoned the courage to write a warning letter to our new next door neighbors. Since their moving in two months ago, my sleep has definitely taken a serious hit, and I'm so, so tired of hearing barking dogs at all hours of the day.

    I taped the note to their car and waited nervously. Nothing has happened yet but they just got the note an hour or two ago. I really hope it helps because I seriously don't want to have to call the authorities. I explained my situation and why the barking was bothersome and that I really needed whatever sleep I got, and that I would give them one full month to respond. If they didn't, then we'd call the authorities. Of course I said it a little more politely than that (though not much)...

    I asked the Tarot of White Cats (mini) what they thought would happen as a result of this and I was pleased to see such a positive configuration of cards. The Sun, Nine of Cups and Ace of Wands to me indicate something new and positive happening. The Nine of Cups could indicate actually getting what we want. Now I don't know if it'll be too painful but at least these cards (if they mean anything) seem more encouraging than others I could get.

    Magic Mentha

    Graven Images Oracle: Chain

    I chose a card from the Graven Images Oracle Online and got this. It made me think of my obsessive worrying (see the description below) but perhaps also my tendency toward escapism.

    No, I'm not a druggie (laugh) but I do have plenty of emotional and physical escapes (eating, wanting to sleep a lot though I admit that one isn't really possible now) and generally wanting to escape life, although obviously that isn't something easily done. No matter what distractions you have from life--life just keeps being there.

    Chain (Physical #14)

    Chain is the shadow of Sphere. Like its lighter counterpart, all four elements are present here. Earth, air, fire and water (metal, bellows, forge and water) are needed to create the links. The chain indicates an individual or individuals bound to earthly obsessive concerns: health, sex, food, liquor, and the like. This is a card of the excess worrier, the hypochondriac, the body image sufferer (anorexia, bulimia, food addiction etc.) and the nymphomaniac, but only in the extreme. Commonly, there is a call to seek aid in dealing with behaviors that ground your higher nature and keep you fixated on the false idols of supposed earthly delights. Seek liberation from your chains. 

    I admit I'm not entirely sure how to approach my feelings of escapism and stress. But it sounds like I need to find the things that TRULY heal me and are not just band-aids.

    Magic Mentha

    Sunday, May 15, 2011

    DIY Recipes: Window Cleaner

    Public domain window image...cooool.
    I guess it's just on my mind because I recently made a batch of homemade laundry detergent, but I love anything DIY. I like to save money and simply have fun by making my own home and bath products.

    Here's one that I've been wanting to make but may now try: homemade window cleaner. It looks pretty easy and extremely cheap to make. I'm guessing I'll need to procure a few spray bottles (I've seen some cheap ones in craft shops) but otherwise the ingredients look really simple and I already have them.

    Here's the link for several window cleaner recipes.

    Personally, I love anything scented, even if it's patently unnecessary for it to smell good. I would probably add peppermint or lavender oil, or whatever struck my fancy, just so I could enjoy the aromatic experience of the window cleaning.

    Magic Mentha

    Poop Blockage Reading

    Earlier today, I was having one of those days when tarot reading was a frustration rather than a source of fun and insight. When that happens you know that you either need to put away the cards, come back to them later to review them, or just start over. As I was on my break in a local coffee house, in this space of reading malaise, I tried to do a few readings but I was feeling frustrated and not able to pin down what I was divining.

    So when I got home and my husband went downstairs for his break I found myself picking up the Haindl Tarot, hoping for clarity this time. As I shuffled I really couldn't pin down a topic I wanted to know about. It wasn't that there was nothing there, it's just that I couldn't bring myself to settle on something. I figured the reading would either be clear or not. I would just know.

    So I pulled three cards and had to laugh at them. They were extremely appropriate, though a tad TMI to post (not that this has stopped me in the past). The cards I got were my daughter's card (Radha, the Princess of Wands...so pretty!) and the 8 of Swords (Interference/blockage/etc), and finally the Ace of Stones (Pentacles). When I saw this combination I wanted to laugh out loud and tell someone, but who I'll be telling is all of you, since no one else is likely to care!

    If you read my blog just over a week ago, I posted this about my daughter moving forward to the next cycle. Of course I spent a couple paragraphs talking about her ongoing constipation (despite adding fiber, removing offending foods and adding fluids). I waxed on and on about her having to take iron and how it constipates her and how she has a resulting fear of pooping and therefore holds it in, etc!

    Anyway. In that post, Prince Lenormand candidly pointed out that the giant stone in the Ace of Stones looked for all the world like a giant turd. I wanted to laugh because I had missed that entirely--despite the scatological nature of my discussion in the same post. To me, my daughter pooping IS like solid gold, because it's something she needs to do which we have had limited success with.

    Right now, she's on a gentle stool softener that has helped some but not as much as I would have liked. I've been feeding her fiber-rich foods and prune juice, and I'm hopeful that we can get some progress on this matter! I do think that this just shows the current situation...a poop blockage for my daughter!

    Love the literalness of this. Just for the heck of it (and because I wanted to know) I asked if this could be resolved ASAP and I got Aeon (aka the World) just like I did last week when the Ace of Poops showed up. Does that mean moving on to the next cycle, or cycling through? I definitely see the World as a card of success and moving forward. That would be great.

    Magic Mentha

    Saturday, May 14, 2011

    Serenity, Granted

    I decided to choose a single card from the Graven Images Oracle. This is the card that drew my eye. When I read that it was about serenity, I thought that made it all the better.

    Here's the description for this card:

    Serenity (Mental #5)

    It is time to take a break. No one can constantly strive or be in perpetual motion. It is time to remove yourself from the stress of situations or daily living. Restful sleep is required. Rejuvenation aids serenity. This could indicate gaining strength after an illness, or as a preventative against sickness. Rediscover play. Recreation is just that; storing energy to create again. If a situation, this is a card of letting things be for a period of recuperation. 

    I think this is great advice for anyone. Everyone needs to re-create themselves, make themselves whole at times, especially after or during stressful ordeals and trials. It made me think of this mini-break I'm having, the three day weekend with my husband. It isn't about WHAT I do, so much as the effect and feeling I can achieve. Whether I am cooking a meal, or simply spending time outside, or sorting through racks of clothes at the thrift store, as long as I am doing it in the spirit of relaxation and rejuvenation...of serenity rather than stress, then that is the most important thing.

    Magic Mentha 

    Gato Mago: Magic Cat Says 'DO IT!'

    I got the Magician today, some time after doing my original draws for posting. I didn't know what I had asked and I wasn't sure what it was suggesting, but I often get this card when I'm feeling powerless or low in confidence, which definitely describe how I'm feeling. So this card is my reminder that I am NOT powerless. Maybe about some things, but I have control over my actions and feelings. It tells me that I can do it. Whatever 'it' is depends on what I want to do. I have the tools necessary if I make a choice and it is in line with what I need and want.

    Magic Mentha

    The Antidote to Yesterday's Headache

    I haven't blogged since the crazy Blogger insanity of losing posts. I think I only got part of one back, but really I am not crushed, only mildly annoyed. Yesterday's (literal) headache was much worse. I've had some headaches on and off over the past couple of years, especially, during what has no doubt been one of the roughest phases of my life with my daughter's health issues.

    My husband took Friday off upon my request and the plan was for me to spend some time unwinding (also for my hubby to unwind and have time to himself, too) but I admit I did not feel well, even well enough to really take a break out and about like I had planned. However, I still opted to do so, thinking that maybe some time out to myself would help and that I would feel better upon leaving the house and getting some fresh air.

    Apparently not. As soon as I left the house in search of relaxation my face began to throb with pain and a migraine hit me full force. I barely was able to make it to the drug store where I hurried chose some bubble bath, paid and left. I got home as quickly as I could and groaned, reaching for the cupboard for some extra strength Tylenol and ran to the bath, hoping to soothe the intense pain in my head. I remembered this pull I had done minutes before leaving for my break, and it didn't take a genius (or even an experienced tarot reader) to see what was going on.

    The Nine of Swords showed up first, and this is a card I often get for stress, sleep issues and headaches. I think I associate it with headaches because the image almost always depicts someone cradling their head in their hands. That is how I felt. I felt like my head was a disease that I wanted to remove from my body...it just hurt really badly.  My sole focus was on getting rid of that horrible headache. At one point I did feel like I might puke but I didn't.

    After my bath I dragged myself upstairs and lay in the darkness. I was grateful that my husband was there. Now that I think of it, this wasn't yesterday but a couple nights ago.  Back to the cards, though. The second card made me think of the stress and burden I felt, since it's a stereotypical card you might get if you were feeling under pressure and wanting a break. The third card I did not immediately understand but when I thought back to what happened, I wondered if it meant 'fighting off' the headache.

    And finally the Hermit made me think that the antidote for this stress and strife and headache madness was some quiet time alone. Sure enough, after about 45 minutes or so in the darkness of the bedroom I felt considerably better. Not 100%, but the bulk of the headache had passed and I felt much less pained by it all. Thank goodness.

    Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Or if you are already a day ahead, I hope you have a good week.

    Magic Mentha

    Friday, May 13, 2011

    Posts Disappearing...

    Has anyone else had this? The 3-4 posts I wrote over the past few days simply disappeared. They aren't in draft, etc. Weird. I wonder why or how that could be?!!

    Magic Mentha

    Wednesday, May 11, 2011

    Struggling to Regain Balance

    I woke up this morning, still feeling sore as I have been in the mornings after weird sleep and odd body aches, but feeling considerably better than I had last night. You see, as you may know from reading my blog (or not), I struggle with acute anxiety at times. Sometimes this anxiety completely overtakes me and I have panic attacks or mini-breakdowns of a sort. When my stress level is increased and my sleep is particularly bad, they can often come on suddenly...and strong.

    This was the case last night when I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. Having literally struggled with anxiety since I was a toddler I could easily recognize the signs, which is one of the best ways to help anxiety before it gets bad. If you've had anxiety attack or bad stress you know what I'm talking about. The room began to close in and trigger a pretty severe claustrophobia and I felt like I had to bolt. I began having trouble breathing in deeply, and all manner of anxious thoughts spilled into my head like a flood entering a ship.

    When I recognized this I immediately told my husband, because I knew I had to do something about it before it got to the point where I felt I had no control over my body or mind. That is what anxiety is at its worst. But there are many coping methods you can use both to understand your anxieties, deal with them, and prevent them from getting so bad next time.

    Often I don't realize the cycle I am in until it's a bit late in the game, as was the case last night. I should've noticed the tension in my body or my feeling of overwhelm and needing a break, which I informed my husband of earlier in the afternoon before he came home. But instead of heeding what I needed (or even fully recognizing it and honoring it) I went ahead and did chores and the usual stuff with family and when my husband went downstairs to take an hour break the metaphorical water began to flood inside my mind.

    In any event, my husband had me sleep downstairs, away from my daughter and hopefully so that I'd get a bit better sleep. I had a little trouble going to sleep but I did notice a shift in my anxiety level. While it was still too high, it had begun to slowly inch downward. Right now, it's tolerable but I know that I need to implement some self-care measures before it has a chance to climb again.

    Thankfully, my daughter is still asleep, owing to the fact that she woke up in the night, seeing that I was not upstairs in my usual place, only to fall asleep about an hour later. I felt badly about my husband's sleep experience being crappy, but then I recalled the hundreds of nights of crappy sleep I've endured as a result of my daughter's health issues (most of which he did not partake of, due to our sleep arrangements) and I think that I should not feel guilty.

    Anyway, that's plenty of background. As I (somewhat wearily) drew the cards for today, I thought it was kind of funny that I got the Queen of Wands again. Yesterday I drew it, as part of a spread teaching me about the courage to figure out what I want. Today's spread is more about needing to gain balance. I feel like the 5 of Wands is a struggle, but I do think this card usually shows temporary and petty struggles, and that's the good part.

    The angel in Temperance is mixing and measuring two goblets, and the image reminded me a bit of a medical worker in a white lab coat mixing medicines or preparations in beakers (the Halloween Tarot has this very image, actually, though it's more of the mad scientist variety) and this, in turn, reminded me of this morning's decision to go in to see the integrative doctor who is going to help me with my physical health issues.

    Originally, I had scheduled to see her toward the end of this month, since that is the only morning opening she had for a new patient intake (which is about two hours) and that is the best time slot for us, but I asked my husband if he'd be willing to take a half day so that I could possibly go in earlier to see the doctor and try to get the ball rolling on feeling better. I am definitely tired of feeling icky.

    Magic Mentha

    Tuesday, May 10, 2011

    What Do I Want?

    Another Animal Play Pull

    This is funny. Yesterday, I posted a reading which seemed to be about a playful mama and fox baby scene. Today, as I was again drawing cards from the Tarot of White Cats, I was watching a scene outside my window. One of the neighbor's obnoxious dogs was barking at a squirrel that was running across the garden wall (very similar to the one shown in the Sun) but because he was in the next yard he was trapped and unable to chase after the squirrel (8 of Swords). This scene was rewarding (Ace of Pentacles) to me because I really don't like those dogs and I had a sort of pleasure in seeing anything frustrating happen to them. I know, I know. It's dog schadenfreude. I try not to indulge in such things but I'm only human, I guess. Unlike these figures. I keep seeing animals everywhere.

    If you were reading this trio without the aid of live action animal/nature scenes, you might conclude that I feel trapped or unable to enjoy things (Sun) or find some reward, financial or otherwise (Ace of Pentacles). Or, perhaps I am surrounded by happiness and reward/money, but I am unaware of it because I have a blindfold on. It also could refer to the housing situation, because a castle is shown far in the distance and I am far away from it, tied up and unable to get to it. That IS how I feel about the housing situation. We are literally forbidden from changing the house much or from moving, because it would upset the balance of things too much for my daughter as we remove medications.

    Interesting indeed...

    Magic Mentha

    Monday, May 9, 2011

    Look Away While Others Play

    **UPDATE** @ 12:38 am

    I did this reading several hours ago and when I did it I had no idea what it meant. Now I wonder if it refers to something I saw a couple hours ago, this evening, when I went on break. Feeling a bit burnt out and restless, I decided to go out by myself for a while. 

    I first stopped at the ATM to withdraw some cash and I saw something small and furry run by in the grass near the ATM. I looked, thinking it was a rabbit, but it was a baby fox. Awww...it was so incredibly adorable. Then I saw its mama following close behind. What a great day-after mother's day gift! Then, just when I thought they'd flee as soon as I pulled up the ATM and stopped, they didn't! I parked the car and sat there, watching them. 

    Because it was late no one came up behind me. The mama and baby fox pounced on each other playfully for a few minutes, and then after I finally made my transaction they left. It was so lovely and sweet a scene that it actually brought tears to my eyes.  Anyway, when I looked at this pull again I see the kittens playing by the mama cat in the Empress and it made me think of the whole thing. Also the sneaking in the first card made me think of watching the foxes while parked.

    The title of this post is what I thought of when I saw these two cards together. In both cards, someone is looking off into the distance while two or three others in the fore or background are playing or sneaking off. There's some feeling of 'some mischief happening when you aren't looking' but it feels somewhat benign. I wonder what this could be referring to?

    Magic Mentha

    Brown Obsession

    For the last few years, especially, I've been really into the color brown. I layer jewelry, clothing, shoes, socks, even lip tints, in this color. This image (above) is sepia-tinted, which is another thing I'm interested. It's like layering a bit of sheer brown over everything. 

    For those of you interested in color energy, here are some meanings for brown:

    Taken from Crystal Cure:

    Brown Energy

    Brown can mix into many surroundings. It is a mixture of red, blue and yellow and has many shades and tones - each producing a different effect. Brown can be a stabilizing color. The red in brown gives it practical energy while the yellow and blue add mental focus energies. Too much brown can make a dull effect. Brown gives a feeling of solidity, and allows one to stay in the background, unnoticed.
    Some shades of brown create a warm, comfortable feeling of wholesomeness, naturalness and dependability.

    Put some brown in your life when you want:
    • a solid wholesome feeling
    • to blend with the background
    • a connection with natural earth and the stability this brings
    • orderliness and convention

    Brown gem stone properties

    Brown gemstones act as a grounding force and promote stability and clear thinking.

    Brown - The Solidity of the Earth
    Brown symbolizes: earth, order, convention, stability, practicality
    Verb: I am Home
    Brown Energy:
    Brown is the color of our earth and is associated with all things natural or organic.
    Brown earth tones in primitive, rough, natural forms, such as rocks, fossils, nuts and shells, suggest our tribal ancestry. Interestingly, the same colors in more polished forms are sophisticated evoking culture and maturity.
    Brown says stability, reliability, and approachability.
    Some shades of brown create a warm, comfortable feeling of wholesomeness and dependability, family-life, loyal friends.
    An earthly color for practical people with a preference for natural, tribal and primitive things, solidity and simplicity.
    Brown gives you a feeling of relaxation and home coming.  Think "brown leather chair" "brown corduroy jacket" "taupe and Smokey quartz", "garden and home".  Brown makes you feel cozy, safe and warm. Family Unity.

    Keywords for Meaning of Brown: earth, home, hearth, cozy, caring, stability, friendship, nurturing, common sense, dependable, eliability, security, practicality, calming, organic, outdoors, comfort, animals, grounding, endurance, simplicity, elegance, healing, orderly, sophisticated, conventional, earthly, tribal, totem animals, protection.

    Brown Words:
    These words are synonymous with brown or represent various shades of the color brown: Sienna, bay, sand, wood, dapple, auburn, chestnut, nut-brown, cinnamon, russet, tawny, chocolate, tan, brunette, fawn, liver-colored, mahogany, oak, bronze, terra-cotta, toast, umber, cocoa, coffee, copper, ecru, ginger, hazel, khaki, ochre, puce, snuff-colored.

    Personal Traits:
    People who prefer brown are often conventional and orderly. Brown is the color of the earth and is associated with the material side of life. Brown gives a feeling of solidity, and allows one to stay in the background, unnoticed.
    Brown Gemstones:
    Many Varieties of Agates and Jaspers , Amber, Boji Stone, Brown Jade, Bronzite, Brown Selenite, Brown Tourmaline, Chiastolite (Cross Stone), Fire Agate, Hawks Eye, Magnetite (Lodestone), Mahogany Obsidian, Moss Agate, Sardonyx, Smoky Quartz, Tigers Eye, Topaz
    Brown in Feng Shui: Yang, Earth, industry, grounded
    Related To: Earth Element, Fall Season
    Using Brown with Other Colors:
    Shades of brown coupled with green are an especially earthy pair, often used to convey the concept of recycling or earth-friendly products. Very dark brown can replace black, adding a slightly warmer tone to some palettes. Brighten brown with a mellow yellow or rusty orange. Go smart but conservative with a mix of brown and deep purple, green, gray, or orange-red.

    Insurance Payout Reading

    Money, money, money, money...MONEY!!
    When I pulled the Wheel of Fortune earlier today I wasn't quite sure what it was referring to.  I was going to do a larger spread about it but never really did. Then I decided I wanted to do a quick reading on some insurance claims we have to submit on our own.

    We have what are known as 'Super Bills' from the integrative health center where my daughter receives care. They are receipts that we can submit ourselves to insurance. I'm not 100% sure how much is covered, but I believe it could be in the neighborhood of 60%, though I am not entirely sure if this is true. I'll be glad if we get ANYTHING!

    So, since we spent so much money on this out-of-pocket visits and tests, I am hoping we can get some of it back, even a small amount. Over the past several years, we've had a lot of medical expenses, even with insurance. Granted, the out-of-pocket expenses are the hardest on us now, but we're doing alright (thank goodness), though if we want to stay that way, getting some of this money back would help.

    The two cards I chose were the Wheel of Fortune and Nine of Stones. Nice. These are good cards, money-wise, especially together. The Wheel of Fortune makes me think of the possible money connotation, and the planet symbol for this card is Jupiter, giver of gifts, lucky and generosity. Pair this with the abundant and obvious 'material gain' of the Nine of Stones and it makes me think we should get a decent amount back, maybe more than I think.

    Now to fill out all the tedious paperwork...

    Magic Mentha

    Haindl's Wheel of Fortune: Unicorn or Mushrooms?

    I find this particular Wheel of Fortune a bit on the creepy side. But the Haindl Tarot is sort of eerie/esoteric-looking so it's totally normal for this deck to look kind of odd.  The whole disembodied hand and/or other body parts as well as other weird images is not all that unusual in this case.

    The Wheel of Fortune. Boy oh boy. You know, I really should've pulled a card to go with this one, because the Wheel of Fortune doesn't necessarily indicate what sort of change is taking place. It simply indicates that things MUST change.

    I do feel that this makes sense. For the past two years, I've felt in limbo (Hanged Man, anyone?) and I feel like I'm sort of doomed to this stuck phase where I kind of drag my carcass around, hoping to push through, but I'm being forced to wait, wait, wait. In this case, by external forces. In some areas, the waiting is on my end, but many of these things are outside of myself.

    But what can I do? The answer is, I can respond. We may not be able to control every facet of our lives and everyone in it, but we can control ourselves and our responses, and our mood. So that's what I must concentrate on. I must clear my life and my mind of the flotsam and simply get on to the business of living, with all its inherent flaws as well as joys.

    My title is a joke, obviously. I'm not being offered unicorn or mushrooms, either as a side dish or choice. I was just joking around about the images I saw on the wheel. The Wheel of Fortune is almost like the major arcana version of the Seven of Cups. There are things that you must choose from and once you do that the change happens. But the Wheel of Fortune feels more dynamic to me. It is more Death-like in that sense. It changes because it has to change.  In the Seven of Cups you're forever in limbo until you make that choice, though eventually life chooses for you if you don't make a move.

    It's interesting because right before posting today's draw I was looking through my Legacy of the Divine tarot companion book and I randomly turned to a page. It was the Eight of Cups. This is the card AFTER the choice of the Seven of Cups. You've decided to set off on a journey. You're sick of waiting, you're ready to leave some things behind, even some things you thought you wanted (second baby, anyone?) and there is some degree of sadness, but also a knowing that in the act of making a choice, in leaving, in moving forward, you've chosen life.

    Magic Mentha