|Four of Swords (left-tilted), Chariot (left-tilted), Daughter of Discs|
Since I am planning on using the Motherpeace deck this week, along with the Heart of Faerie Oracle, I decided to go ahead and get things started. My husband just left a few minutes ago for his three day work trip (boring training which he got out of for two years but now has to go to) and I am stuck by myself with my rather feisty daughter (though thankfully she is doing well today and isn't too wild) and feeling a bit nervous about burnout.
"The opinions of others hold more force than her own." -4 of Swords (L)
I always get nervous when my husband goes out of town and for a couple of reasons. One main reason is that my fear of being abandoned gets triggered in a major way. A fear I have that I have great difficulty releasing is that he'll die when he's traveling and I'll never see him again. To some extent I have the same fear every time he leaves for work. He tries to joke with me and say that in the eleven years that we've lived together he has managed to stay alive and has no intention of dying; I still have that fear in the back of my mind, especially when he's on a trip. Having a daughter with health issues has just intensified this fear since I don't want to be a single mom and have a child with health challenges.
"She has some personal doubts. She is not fully behind what is is doing." -Chariot (L)
Still, I realize that this fear is (mostly) ungrounded. Granted, anything COULD happen at any time to anyone, but generally speaking things are fine. I can't really look at life that way or I'll drive myself crazy. It's just such an ingrained fear and one I've had since I was little (for whatever reason!)
SO...in order to distract myself and just feel and think of other things, I decided to pull a few cards from the Motherpeace deck. This is a really good psychological deck, especially for women because it's sort of feminine-focused, which makes sense when you look at all the cards. Still, even though I'm a woman I'd generally rather have gender neutral cards which can apply to anyone, but this deck does have its charms. One of the charms is that you can read the cards in any direction: left, right, upside-down and right-side up. The meanings are all listed under each description.
"She's open and receptive as well as courageous and determined. She's willing to wait for the inspiration and information she needs to go forward in her life. She seeks a kind of knowledge that is based on the truth that comes through her body." -Daughter of Discs
I've found this deck to be very psychological; it digs deeply into a person's fears, motivations, and also what tools will help them regain their power. That is absolutely the strength of this deck. Even though, by most standards it isn't exactly an artistic triumph, it reads well.
Perhaps I feel unable to rest (Four of Swords) because I'll be the only one taking care of my daughter, so naturally I don't have the alone time depicted in the card. And perhaps I feel more worn out, less able to summon some sort of drive or energetic push (Chariot) but there's the Daughter of Discs, who is doing just fine, taking care of the practical details, capable of dealing with things as they come.
And because I really wanted to see an 'overall card' for the reading I pulled one more card and got the Magician. This is the 'can do' dude. He (or she) is able to summon up the power, energy, and methods to do whatever he needs to do, and he has the confidence to back it up.
"The Magician takes action. The creative impulse of the Fool is brought into form. She has the ability to get things done with focused energy and power. The Magician represents outward fiery energy. She is able to harness all the elements to get the desired results." -Magician
I think that there's definitely a part of me that feels I'm not capable of handling things on my own, particularly challenging things, but obviously I can or I would not be here today, I guess? I can do it, but admittedly maybe some of the time I don't want to do it. The trick is to believe in myself, and make the process go smoother as a result of this self belief.
It really feels as if the first two cards (the weakened, left-tilting cards) are the culprit. My lack of belief in myself, my trepidation, my fear, my hesitancy in believing in my practical ability and purpose. The final two cards, the upright cards, show the way through this, through confidence, practical action, being receptive to new ideas, and a dose of courage.