Monday, April 30, 2012
Okie dokie, tarot friends!
Well, hm. Here's the duo I received today. This duo brings to mind some sort of change with regards to family. But who could be entering my life family-wise. I am not entirely sure. Could it be the next door neighbors who we only met today? Doesn't quite seem right because it's not 'our' family--just a family.
In any event, I will try to update this. Come to think of it, I may look through my last several posts and see if there's anything in there I can update on, since that is one of my tarot hobbies.
Hope you all had a splendid weekend. All in all we had a good time.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
My husband informed me, when I asked his opinion, that he still thinks I'm clinging to the old house. He told me that I've said I missed it several times. This came as something as a surprise to me because I hadn't realized I said that. It's weird but, thinking on it, I do kind of miss it. Partially because of the time in my life that it represented, but that's also why I WOULDN'T like it--since it's where my tremendous parenting struggle began, complete with seizures and all manner of chaos. Plus the dogs. But yet there is this feeling of bitter sweetness. I miss the yard. It has tons of fruit trees, a spruce, a grape vine, and a giant raspberry patch and strawberry plants. But with the evil neighbor dogs we weren't able to enjoy it anyway, since they barked at anyone who came into the yard, even if we were all the way on the other side.
Today's cards had an immediate, jolting effect on me. Hah! It's just so...dramatic. But, to be honest...I guess this duo does a pretty concise job of personifying my mood. I fell into a very negative state this morning when I woke with a nasty sinus headache, plus a horrible dull ache at the base of my skull, and numerous body aches, stomach ache and my bladder (interstitial cystitis) hurting. I didn't understand why so many things were hurting at once. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say it was too many carbs/sweets possibly leading to inflammation and a head cold to boot. Plus, my husband and I were a little bit on the testy side with each other. Nothing too bad but I found myself descending into a rather unpleasant mood at which point I informed him that I needed to lie down for a while. I closed the door to the bedroom, locked it...and there I remained for the next hour or two.
Anyway, I think part of my issue is that my daughter and I seem to have the aforementioned head cold. The other piece is that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be both joyful and productive on the weekends when my husband is home. He is taking tomorrow off so we also have Monday together. This is good but again, we often feel pressured to finish up lots of chores and also have fun, and we end up feeling frenzied and at odds with our original goals. So our current goal is to try to go with the flow more, balancing work and play. That's the idea, anyway!
SO...back to these cards. At first I pulled the 'Broom' card which is about a new home and a fresh, new attitude. Yes, that's true--we do have a new home, and I do appreciate it--but do I really? The second card 'Spear' suggests that I am pining over something. I definitely have a tendency to feel sorry for myself--let me not kid myself. I am not exactly proud of this tendency, and I try to hide it (sometimes) from others. I noticed the direction of both spear and broom, both leaning in the same direction. Which do I choose? Gratitude for new conditions, a new house--or heartache and pining over lost opportunities in the past?
I guess it seems obvious--but it is helpful to see it laid out like this. I dunno. I am not thinking clearly today so maybe I am missing the point of this reading. Any input is appreciated, of course...
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Ugh. Well, so far this has NOT proven correct but then again things have not been fully settled yet. He still has time to secure another position, elsewhere. I will definitely update if we do finally get some good news about this situation!!!
My poor dad has been put through the wringer in terms of his job situation. He works in education and he's a dedicated administrator with a lot of experience to offer. But there have been budget cuts and political B.S. to contend with and it isn't pretty. He doesn't know where he sits with the school system and whether he'll have a position for the upcoming school year.
So, while my dad is being jerked around by these higher up windbags, I decided to do a reading (as I've done a few times before in recent weeks) highlighting this situation. Something similar happened last year, but he ended up getting his position but no raise, even though he clearly deserved one. This time, we'll be very surprised if he keeps his job, as they have been hinting heavily that he'll be let go. With dwindling options, my parents may have to move back down to the southern part of the state which would be sad--we don't want them to go but they may have no choice.
When I saw these cards I was pleasantly surprised. The 'Good News' card popped up, and when I drew this card earlier this week I hoped that it pertained to my dad's situation since it has been on my mind (and obviously on my parent's minds) ever since the dawn of this annoying and tenuous roller coaster ride. So far he has only heard put-offs and rejections, but supposedly good news is on the offer. I really hope that's so!
The 'Desk' card comes up, showing a focused dedication to work. To me this not only highlights the topic of the reading but also a need for great focus and attention in order to keep on top of things. The most frustration thing, to be sure, is being left hanging and not knowing what will happen next and all the chaos and planning that would follow being let go.
The two men shown in the card, I believe, are my dad and his (current and/or former) boss. My dad being represented by the older man as I believe the boss is younger than my dad. I know my dad's boss was putting in a good word for him and trying to keep his position but we don't know if it's just a futile attempt. I think that's what we're going to find out.
I HOPE what these cards are saying is that we'll hear some good news of my dad's position, or at least some position, that will allow him to stay nearby and continue to work, so my folks don't have to sell their house, uproot and move again, just as they had gotten accustomed to their house and were enjoying it.
I'm keeping everything crossed and I will definitely update on this post when I hear anything.
Hope y'all are doing well this weekend.
Friday, April 27, 2012
I've decided to offer cartoon caption readings again. I didn't get any takers on my regular readings (which is fine, and totally understandable given that I don't advertise, etc...) so I thought I'd combine two things I've been enjoying which is the cartoon captions and the Tea Leaf Fortune Cards. The images in the Tea Leaf Fortunes seem conducive to this method with the various characters, be they animals, humans, plants or objects. I'll leave this up for a while--possibly through the summer.
If you're interested, feel free to pop by the reading page.
Haha. I wish I had heeded this warning more closely, but we are doing so now. We're making sure we don't go out to eat, and that we avoid superfluous purchases, except for the odd fun day like today when we went and did mini golf and a few other things at a local game center for kids and adults, but even then we stuck to a budget. We cooked food at home and tried not to buy anything much when out. I had to put off an expensive appointment for a couple months down the line, and I may only be able to afford half a year of contacts instead of the full year at the moment, but still...I am grateful things aren't worse. I wish I'd been more thrifty a few months ago and I wish I was better at saving...BUT...I am working on it.
I find using the same deck for a long time to be satisfying (which is weird when you consider my general proclivity for easy boredom and impatience) but I imagine it's not particularly exciting for y'all, so if you tune out of my blog I totally understand...hehee. Once again I'm using the positively addictive Tea Leaf Fortune Cards.
Anyway. Here are the two cards I pulled for today. Not just for today, of course, but I'll just consider them a 'from today onward' kind of thing. I received 'Shark' and 'Egg'. Now both of these cards speak about resources to me. Both cards, in my opinion, seem to point to a certain amount of care being given to a financial situation.
The 'Shark' card is more of a warning, I think. It's like, 'chill out with the spending' and I think I know what it means. I have a strong tendency to nickel and dime myself, and also give gifts to folks that I probably can't afford giving. I had a flash of giving a mother's day gift to a dear friend of mine because I know her son is a major deadbeat and doesn't spend much time with her and I knew she'd appreciate it, but then I realized I really should be focusing that money on gas, groceries and essentials.
So many times I've used money on superfluous things, not fully realizing that I wouldn't be able to buy groceries a couple days later if I did that. I definitely think that whole people pleasing thing has to be put to rest. What I want to focus on is genuine connection. Getting together with friends, extending kind words, sending an e-card, post card or something that doesn't cost much money but conveys my love without having to wipe out money that I need for life.
The 'Egg' card to me, makes me think of building a nest egg. That's for obvious reasons, right? There's both an egg and a nest in the card's image. I got this card recently and it has shown up a few times over the past few weeks. It makes sense. My cash has been dwindling and I have absolutely no savings. I'm starting to get to the point where I'm having trouble making ends meet with basics because I'm not planning ahead. It is rather embarrassing to admit that I'm being distracted by frivolity, but there you go...
So this reading was very straightforward and I am going to try to be a lot more thrifty and mindful of what I'm spending, and what hole I'm trying to fill with this spending. That sounded wrong, but you get what I'm saying. I have enjoyed doing things that require more of my input and less of my money, if that makes any sense. I've been trying to find free or cheap activities to do with my daughter since I'm home with her doing my homeschooling thing (such as it is).
I wish you all lots of happy, cheap thrills, too!
Much Love and HAPPY WEEKEND,
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I just realized that I hadn't posted since Friday. Whoops. Well, I guess that was somewhat by design. I meant to post yesterday but I guess I was having a bad day--or just didn't really feel like it.
I am not entirely sure what to make of today's post. I would be thrilled to get some good news, no matter what it is. Who doesn't like good news? Anyway. This is one I plan on updating this week. I personally think divination is not nearly as satisfying without some sort of follow-up or update.
Hope you're all doing well. I apologize for being scarce, still. I don't know why I've been in such a strange mood lately. I've been trying to figure it out. I guess sometimes I just need to retreat.
Friday, April 20, 2012
I have a nasty sinus headache from yesterday (it was absolutely my fault--I had dairy and I should know better) so this'll probably be a short post. In fact, I was supposed to not post until Monday but OH WELL.
Anyway. This is the duo I pulled. Hrm. Well, it looks good, doesn't it? I paired these two together as a 'gift of money' but this could mean something else entirely. Heck, it could have already happened. I got $50 from my grandma recently, to use for my daughter. But usually the deck doesn't refer to things that have already happened, so who knows?
Of course, the Money Path card is more about a path that will make money that you haven't discovered yet, so it may not be connected to the 'Gift' card at all. I LOVE the box image in 'Gift'. I love the way boxes look. Anyway. We'll see. I will update if I figure anything compelling out about this pair.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
As I mentioned in this post, I tend to have social anxiety. On top of that, I am in a really blah mood. I've been feeling depressed again lately. I say this as if it's a new thing. I'm constantly combatting depression and anxiety. It's something I have to keep tabs on so it doesn't drag me down too deep.
I decided to pull two cards on the topic to see what might help, what was recommended. As I was shuffling, the 'Dog' card flipped over (Protection from a powerful friend) and I dismissed it and then shuffled some more and pulled another card. I got 'Dogs' which is 'Getting together with friends'. I thought that was interesting. So, to complete the trifecta we have 'Teapot' which is 'Deep friendship with someone of the same sex.' I definitely see a theme.
I admit I haven't felt very social lately. And for some reason my mood is almost worse than ever since moving. I feel unsettled, which I guess makes sense, but I feel more lonely, which doesn't necessarily make more sense. Maybe I'm just realizing how lonely I am to begin with. And probably because I'm feeling this way I tend to feel more dissatisfied with the relationships I do have. I feel jaded about it all. I feel annoyed with my husband's shortcomings, including when he doesn't interact with me as much as I want him to, and I feel more annoyed with myself, where I feel depressed, inadequate or empty.
So I guess the answer is to broaden my circle of support and try to connect with friends (or other females) more. I'm visiting with my mom today and cooking her lunch, which is good. Then I think I'm going to meet up with my sister (and my daughter and husband) this weekend at a museum. I'm tentatively making plans to visit a very good friend a couple of hours away sometime in the next few weeks. It will be good to see her, and she has been feeling down, too, so it would be mutually beneficial.
Granted, I don't feel very excited about anything but I know that it's one of those things that once I start interacting, once I get there...I'll feel better. I may not realize how much I need it until after the fact.
See Y'all Monday,
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
No, it's not still Easter.
I have been getting the 'Egg' card a lot in the past couple of days when using this deck, so when I pulled it today I decided I may as well post it. This is a card which seems like common sense...and well, it probably is. You'll be successful if you work hard on something. I think that you have to dedicate yourself to the correct thing in order for it to be truly successful, because without interest and passion you won't be able to justify the hard work you put into a venture, but I think the presence of this card as a repeat card shows that if there are things that I really want then there's no reason why I can't have them. You know...within reason.
This is a ziggurat that I found for my dad. I was hoping it would be a good luck charm for finding a job (which it may still be!) but anyway. I could go on and on and sound like a motivational poster talking about success and persistence and hard work and all that, but you could just look at this but anyway. Sorry. Borrriiiiing.
I don't know. Hard work? Success? It sounds kind of crappy. I think. Then again I've been incredibly bored lately so maybe that's a sign that I am not doing enough. Or maybe it's not a sign of anything and I'm just whining right now. Hrm.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I decided to do a quick pull before my realtor friend and her daughters come over to drop off a housewarming gift and say hello. You'd be surprised how anxious I get about things like this. Or maybe you wouldn't if you also suffer from social anxiety. Since I can remember, I've had a great deal of stress and anxiety, and when adding other people to the mix (particularly in person, of course) I tend to get really on edge and make way more of a fuss about it than I should.
I decided to pull a single card about my social anxiety, how to approach it. I was a little bit surprised when I saw the Four of Swords. Really? Hrm. It seems like a lonely card, and when I read the description there were a few phrases that jumped out at me. In particular this one:
"If you always stay quietly in your room, you'll never suffer."
I think this is the essence of risk-taking. If you lock yourself away from others, if you refuse to take a risk, you'll be protected from both good things as well as bad things. There's an ironic edge to the descriptions in the Gummy Bear Tarot--a kind of bitter humor which I find oddly refreshing. The LWB for this deck is certainly one of my favorites.
There's another possible interpretation to this card (really there are more like a dozen other interpretations, but anyway) which is to find peace in the stillness of being alone. I can be OK with being alone or being with others. I don't need to hide but neither is it a crime to be alone. It can be very rejuvenating.
As Chloë pointed out in the comments section of the post before this one, putting a lot of pressure on yourself is not exactly a healthy approach. I wonder if part of my issue (social anxiety-wise) is just the pressure I put on myself to be more social than I really am. Maybe I need that time alone to rejuvenate, to feel more rested. Maybe it's OK that I am not a social butterfly. If I feel lonely I can visit someone. I don't have to constantly do it just because I think I should.
Anyway. It's something to think about.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Here are the cards I pulled. I don't have much time to write since I have to leave in a few minutes to run some errands, but the name of the game appears to be personal success. I was wondering what would make me feel better. The Queen of Wands came up first, which is my personal card, at least insofar as it represents me in the deck just because I can't choose more than one card to do so. The following two cards made me think of the post I did recently about making my own luck. Luck and success. These are things that require focus and dedication. The problem I have now is that I am not very dedicated to anything. I need to discover what it is that needs my attention and focus on it in a laser-like fashion. I feel this will help me naturally resolve my recent episode of depression and anxiety.
Hello Tarot Babies,
Here's a photo of some groovy yarn art from 1973 that I recently found (for a song) at a thrift shop.
Other than a sinus headache and general malaise, I'm doing alright. Just trying to motivate myself!
Sending you all wonderful wishes for a great day,
Here's a photo of some groovy yarn art from 1973 that I recently found (for a song) at a thrift shop.
Other than a sinus headache and general malaise, I'm doing alright. Just trying to motivate myself!
Sending you all wonderful wishes for a great day,
Friday, April 13, 2012
Here's another general card of good luck and money. On the one hand, it sounds kind of like a bad fortune cookie message, but on the other hand, these cards have a tendency to be very specific and very accurate. I had a stressful day yesterday and last night, and if I'm being honest, I've been very depressed and anxious for the better part of the last several years, and really my entire life in general. I've been feeling a strong pull to get this more under control.
As those of you with depression and anxiety issues know, this is not something you solve one time and it never comes back. It's more like a chronic illness that you have to stay on top of, lest it fester and infect you. You have to provide top notch self care and really dedicate yourself TO yourself. That is what is missing. I've been feeding myself the same poisonous BS for too long and I need to stop the litany of stress from cascading into my life and sweeping me away.
Granted, I do think overall I've been holding up better than I could be. I could just not deal with anything...at all. I could stop functioning. I don't do that, I guess. But I'm not functioning on a level that feels good to me. I don't feel relaxed. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel good about myself. This is an inside job. I have to reconnect with what makes me feel good to be me. I need to get off my own back but also get back on the horse, so to speak. Sorry about all the clichés.
When I look at these cards, I see the woman as me (not a huge stretch, I guess), and I see the 'Table' card as the hard work I have to put into myself to get myself back on track. The 'Good Luck' and 'Money' follow naturally as I put in the work and begin to accept money and goodness into my life which I previous have held back or rejected. I'm not even talking about a creative venture. I haven't formulated any plans. I just feel like the general nature of life--whether or not you're going to accept opportunities into it or not...is what this reading is about.
Wishing you all a lovely weekend if I don't post again, but I plan to post more often once again because I find it's one of the ways that I work out my psychological B.S. even if it's only posting pictures or snippets of thoughts.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Apologies for those who this may be redundant. I guess I haven't changed all THAT much about the bedroom. It's still pretty sparse. I need to put some artwork in there or maybe something against the far wall. I don't want to clutter it up. I do like the color and the new comforter.
When I say finished I mean that it's about 98% finished. There are bits here and there that I want to touch up, re-coat, or areas by the ceiling which I might take a white paint pen to where a couple little mistakes were made. Things like that. But otherwise I wash my hands of this project. For now, anyway.
Well, since I'm being a godawful tarot blogger lately, I thought at least I would post pictures.
This is what I did this morning-the little painted detail above the couch. There are remnants of some word decal that had been removed by the previous owner and so I used elements of the tapestry and hangings to paint this little design. I like it and it didn't take long.
Of course now I'm looking for other things to paint. Stop me! Haha, I need to paint a portrait for someone before Saturday so I can't be tempted...
Saturday, April 7, 2012
After a slew of negative or mixed readings, I was pleased to see this positive one. When I try to get a sense of what this reading is referring to I am (somewhat) drawing a blank. It's essentially two vaguely positive cards (protected from negative forces and good fortune) with the new job or raise card.
This is interesting to me because I've been pondering what I can do to possibly generate some income, but only if it's something I truly enjoy doing and it is within my ability and means to do it. I can't seem to find anything very focused and specific to set a goal to do, and that is frustrating me a bit, but at the same time I am still focusing pretty heavily on unpacking and more so on finishing the various painting projects which are taking quite a bit of time. I'm also (obviously) continuing trying to provide attention, nourishment and educational support to my daughter.
Even though I often feel I'm failing in all of these categories, I guess at least I'm trying, and at least I care. I suppose I could just not care at all and simply be content never to do anything creative ever again, or never do anything for my daughter (or particularly worry about what might be good for her). I try to act like I'm such a mediocre parent, but I know the truth is even though I have some areas that I'm weak in, that I am not a poor parent and I just need to focus on the good things that I do and how much love I have for my daughter, even though I don't necessarily know what to do.
Anyway...as usual if something obvious comes to mind with this draw I'll follow up on it here.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Well, I had to write something clever.
Not really, but anyway. Yeah, I'm still obsessed with my silly dining room wall.
BUT I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I should be done with it this weekend.
No...I WILL be done with it this weekend because it's sort of ruling my existence.
On to today's reading. Even though I haven't been reading tarot nearly as much as usual, and obviously I've been neglecting my blog and beloved tarot community quite a bit, I can't quite get this Tea Leaf Fortune Cards deck out of my mind.
Nevertheless, the readings I've gotten with it over the past few days have not been all that positive. So I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Very strange (read: unpleasant), indeed! Today's duo is a sterling example of the not-all-that-pleasantness of things.
The two cards drawn were 'Broken Bridge' and 'Feather'. Now, taken separately they would be fairly unpleasant, and together they are quite the dynamic duo of crappiness. Even so, I am going to try not to jump to conclusions or worry too much about what they mean.
I've received the 'Broken Bridge' card before. At that time, it meant one of the house deals falling through. Of course this ended up being a beneficial thing, so it isn't so bad, but still. No one likes plans falling through, do they? The other card is 'Feather' which indicates someone being undependable. To me this brings to mind being 'flighty', probably because of the feather and bird connection. In any case, no one likes hearing someone they know is flighty, fake or a liar. But ahh well!
That's all I've got to work with at the moment, but there it is!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Upon starting this project, I don't think I QUITE realized how it would consume my energy and not make me want to do anything else (finish unpacking, do laundry, cook, or blog about tarot) but it does. Funny thing is that I don't really enjoy the process of painting so much as I enjoy the idea that I will have it finished soon. I definitely am more of a product rather than a process person. That's almost universally true for me with art. I try to enjoy simply creating art, but I find that rather hard, especially if I'm alone when doing it. Occasionally I've had moments of flowing with it, but mostly it's a lot of assessing, re-assessing, and hard work. I think there's a misconception about art, that it's always fun and relaxing. Not true!
But this is, by far, the biggest project (both literally and otherwise) that I've done in more than two years. I've hardly done any art in that time, only a few very small things, and only reluctantly, and so it amuses me that I chose such a huge project as a wall mural to start my foray into art. I guess it just proves that sometimes it's better to jump in to something in a bigger way rather than grab a small sketchbook, etc. I am not really the sketchbook type, even though they are extremely valid and good. It doesn't really matter how good, bad or indifferent this wall piece is. I think it'll serve the purpose of giving that wall some spunk and to make it a stand-alone art piece.
This dining room wall was originally a bright red (well, more like roasted red pepper if I recall the name of the paint color) that I immediately wanted to paint over because it offended me. But after I painted the wall 'cornbread' which was a touch more yellow than I wanted (I wanted something a bit more neutral and warm, with a smudge of orange and maybe a touch of brown in it) I decided I needed to do something to remedy the expanse of yellow-ness which was almost as offensive as the expanse of redness.
I think what surprised me about this project (besides the fact that I even wanted to do it, considering I just moved and I've been fairly gradual and lazy about everything else) is that I just went for it, but that once I took that initial step of 'going for it' in outlining the shapes and painting in the colors, it was both harder and easier than I thought. Harder to get the paint to look opaque on the wall (each shape/color/segment had to be painted 3-4 layers or more), and also easier to plan what to do. I thought the planning part would be harder for me or that it would turn out really wonky, but it wasn't too bad.
In any event, here's a photo, taken this morning on a cool and gray day, with higher humidity and a chance of rain/snow mix (to be honest I like the forecast--it has been hot and clear in the upper 80's the past several days) with my paints out on the counter and foot stool poised and ready for when I start painting those upper corner shapes (not looking forward to it, because when I originally painted the higher up shapes my arms ached and it was harder to get control). Again, this is one of those things that looks like fun but isn't that much fun. I have enjoyed the Facebook comments and likes on this project, but I admit that doing this project has made me want to go smaller scale again. Hahaa!
Hope you all have a lovely day. I may not post much again for the next few days. My goal is to finish this wall before the end of the week (I need to locate some more enamel paint pens that actually work well) and then paint the sea glass color on the wall just to the left of the mural, which I barely started but then got sidetracked and confused as I swam into the wild shores of paisley.