Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Almost August

Is anyone else excited that it's almost August? Sounds weird, doesn't it? Why should I care if it's August or June or September or whatnot? Plus it's often the hottest month of the year for many people who are having summer right now. For those in winter, you also have my sympathy.

I don't know. I feel unreasonably excited about August. Maybe not quite, but I feel better about it, and this draw I did a bit ago (I've already posted it) regarding August seems to further that feeling.

Then again I am not going to worry about it one way or the other. Trying to predict one minute to the next how things are going to be is not all that healthy. Even us soothsayer types need to chill on that.

Hope you all have a beautiful August, and good last day of July.


Angel, Haystack, Handshake: Karmic Connections and Protection

I wasn't sure what I thought of this reading so I just went with what first came to mind. That was the phrase 'karmic connections and protection'...but what about? I don't know. This may not make for a very interesting reading, then. Haha. I apologize!

This reading definitely emphasizes some sort of meeting involving others.  Maybe one other, maybe more than one. There seems to be some sort of 'fated' feeling to it. Or perhaps I am just nuts. That's more likely. Either way, I will try to update about this one.


Monday, July 30, 2012

Crystal Tarot: Ten of Wands

Here's another card I got from this deck. Ten of Wands. My old friend! Jokes! But no, this is a card I'm familiar with. One year (I forgot what year-it was either 2009 or 2010, or both) I kept getting it over and over again. Makes sense to me. That was a very hard time for me, right after my daughter's seizures began. I was in fight or flight mode, survival mode, and barely functioning or minimal sleep. I am fairly certain I messed up my adrenals something fierce during that time. I'm working on rebuilding them but I still don't feel that great.

This card comes back to me because lately I've been feeling like I did a couple of years ago--burnt out and tired and depressed. I felt like I began climbing out of that pit and into the light, only to feel like I'm going back in there. I just don't feel well mentally or physically, despite dietary and supplemental support, and other interventions. I feel like my anxiety has not abated and in some ways seems to be growing.

I feel like the issue is that I really haven't grabbed hold of my creativity in any meaningful way and I've let myself drift in that sense for almost two years. At first it was fine...I needed to recover (as I continued to deal with the issues with my daughter) but even though things are still challenging, they are slowly but surely improving--yet the issues I have with myself, my motivation, my sense of self...are still lingering and even growing because I'm ignoring them.

As you might've heard, some things don't go away when you ignore them. They simply morph into something else, or something scarier. I am realizing I need more of a life for myself than just being my daughter's caretaker. But so far I am still struggling on that point. For now I am going to try to make peace with the question in my mind about what to do next.


Crystal Tarot: Eight of Wands

Here's one of the pulls I did with this deck yesterday. The Eight of Wands can indicate communications, momentum, things happening quickly, but in this version there is a more proactive, educational bent to things, almost as if it was paired with the Hierophant, Page of Pentacles or other 'education' card. Maybe a dash of Eight of Pentacles thrown in. There's a sense of 'industry' and connection along with communication.

As you can see from the quote above, practical learning, workshops, sharing knowledge, are all indicated. I find this interesting as I've been wondering if I need to branch out, expand my knowledge and sphere of understanding and influence. Of course in terms of workshops or classes, I really can't afford them financially right now. I just can't. Unless I find something for cheap or free. But maybe if I save toward a class, even a short class, it might give me something to look forward to in my somewhat dreary day-to-day existence which doesn't change much.


Heart Health: Taking Care of My Heart

I'm starting to make personal associations with this deck (which I think can be limiting if you're not careful, but also very important and helpful) and when I asked why I was not feeling well physically lately I got this duo. I instantly knew that it was referring to my blood pressure and other heart issues. The 'Elephant' card I've gotten in response to health issues before, showing a need for dedication and a long journey toward good health.

The 'Heart' card I've received mentioning literal heart issues. In fact, I'd say I've gotten the Heart card pretty much exclusively about heart health. I think I only got it one time referring to love/romance. In each instance, I was asking about physical health.

I definitely think this makes sense. I was wondering about my blood pressure again because it was up to 150/100 recently when my cardiac nurse friend checked it. I need to start doing relaxation techniques again and also increase my dosage of hawthorn. I will also lower salt and carbs, etc. I think my stress level has a lot to do with it. Ever since I was a pre-teen my blood pressure was prone to stress spikes. I think in some cases my anxiety attacks and blood pressure went hand in hand.

But in any event, I see this as a confirmation to guard my heart health and take more steps to protect it with good sleep, supplementation, stress reduction and dietary changes.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Parrot, Pin & Leg: Reviving a Project for a Friend

O.K. So I don't know how long this will last but I took Sharyn's advice and set all of my Picasa web albums to private. Most of them, but not all of them, were. This seemed to help for now, but who knows if that will change. If there's a glitch, I'm sure Google will find it. Oy! Thank you, Sharyn, and everyone for your support during the confusing decision-making process.

On to the reading: I had taken this photo the other day and I really wanted to post this reading because it was so specific and applicable, and I specifically asked about this topic before pulling these cards, which makes it all the more impressive.

The topic of this reading was about reviving my hand-painted jewelry, but only for a very particular purpose, which was helping a friend raise money for adoption fees. To be frank, I didn't really WANT to paint more necklaces, and I have found it hard to make any since stopping (not sure how long it's been--about two years?) so I was reluctant to accept because I wasn't sure I'd feel motivated to do them or do a good job for my friend.

Anyway, the hand-painted necklaces would be a prize for a certain fund-raising level. I promised to paint half a dozen of them for her, but because I wasn't sure how I'd do or whether I should do it, I decided to pull some cards on it. These are the cards I received: Parrot, Pin and Leg.

Now I was immediately taken aback by the 'Parrot' card, and not because of its meaning, which I actually don't think is necessarily applicable to the reading (you'll see why in a second). You see, though I can't say much more about this for fear of giving away my friend's name, but the word 'Parrot' is one of her last names (like me she has a hyphenated name). I didn't worry about the gossip part because I instinctively knew the 'Parrot' word was a confirmation of who and what this reading was about.

The 'Pin' card reminded me of the hand-painted jewelry aspect, since I painted pins and pendants, but it also made me think of the concept of a revived project. She gave me a job to do, which was to create the pieces, even though it won't necessarily make any money (for me), but this friend has given me a lot of emotional and financial support during my daughter's more difficult times health-wise, so to me it is important.

The final card, 'Leg' to me just shows a different type or new type of experience--a twist on things. This may be something I've done before but for a different person and purpose. I think this reading is showing me that although I'll be reviving an old project (note to astrology people that reviving an old project that you've done a long time ago is a classic Mercury retrograde thing, and it's now merc rx) it will have new implications and aspects, and maybe it won't feel like I'm reverting back to something I don't want to do.

In fact, I find it interesting that two of the cards have the word 'new' in them, as if something new will be happening in conjunction with this. I hope that I can get into the project enough to do a good job for this friend--she deserves it!


Friday, July 27, 2012

I Haven't Decided...

I've decided not to decide yet. I don't know if I want to bow down to Blogger and pay them monthly, or if I want to start a new blog and keep this one here as an archive...or what. I can't decide, and since it's Mercury retrograde, I may wait until the retrograde is over (the first week of August) to figure it out.

I thought about deleting images from posts to free up memory but it seems sacrilegious to me. Half of why I write this blog (maybe more than half) is to have a visual and written record of my readings, and many of my readings are nothing but an image! So I don't feel that's a viable option. At least not at this point.

In the meantime, I will either post without images (boring, but true) or I'll just ignore the blog and comment on everyone else's blog.

Lotsa Love,

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Oh, Lovely...

I got a message from Blogger saying I was out of the 1 gig of space for images and that I could 'upgrade' to get more. So...that's it, I guess! I can't post any more photos of cards or anything else unless I buy space, which I can't do right now, of course, because I am completely and utterly broke.

The exact message:

Whoops! You're out of space. You are currently using 100% of your 1 GB quota for photos. Upgrade storage
Photos are stored in your Picasa Web Albums account and are included in your 1 GB free quota for photos. Additional storage you purchase is shared between several Google products and is in addition to your free quota. Learn more

I may do what Prince Le Normand did and move my blog. Until I decide I may take a posting hiatus.

That is all,

p.s. You suck, Blogger!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Fortune Smiles?

This is a very shiny, friendly sort of pull.

I received this the other day but didn't have time to post it.

I will certainly post if I think of something specific that this may pertain to.

I am glad I got to see my dear friends recently who I've known since I was 11.

So far I don't think it has come to pass, but I am not entirely sure.

Will write more soon, folks. Hope you're all well and having a decent day.

I'm doing alright, save a headache and lingering financial woes.


Thursday, July 19, 2012

Be Back Next Week

Hi Folks,

Hope all is well.

I'm going to visit some friends nearby for the weekend.

I will return next week to post. Until then, I hope you all have a good end-of-week.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Trying Something New: Bach Flower Remedies

I'm an incredible, tremendous, huge skeptic of things like this (yes, despite my interest in alternative and herbal medicine and my interesting in tarot and astrology!) so I am a little surprised, but I decided to try some Bach Flower Remedies recently. I found myself enjoying the Rescue Remedy Pastilles and have bought them twice in recent months. I can't say as to whether the feelings are psychosomatic or not--but to quote one reviewer of one of the essences: who cares?

I was also intrigued when Monica posted about her use of flower essences. I thought maybe I'd go for it, because my interest was piqued enough to temporarily overcome my skepticism. In any event, the way I went about choosing a remedy was to read the descriptions on the bottles at the health food store. I felt drawn most to the Wild Rose remedy. Although when looking at the descriptions above I see that I could easily have also chosen the Olive too--and probably 3-4 other ones to boot. Let's just say that I have a lot of issues. But I decided that, mostly for financial reasons, doing one remedy at a time would be best.

This is something that's been bothering me the most lately. Despite wanting to change my life for the better--I feel depressed and discouraged. I find it very hard to get interested in anything, even things that I used to love doing. It's fairly classic depression, but also the resignation that is mentioned above seems to fit very well to my situation. I will try to update this post with any findings I have over the next few weeks as I use this.


Monday, July 16, 2012

Four 'T' Words and a Man

I don't know what to make of this. My goal is to update this within a week.


Tea Leaf Fortune Cards About August

Here's my August pull done on the funky carpet of the hotel we stayed in during the couple nights we were out of town for my little sister's wedding. It's after 1am, so I am going to make this brief. Of course it's only mid-July so I can't speculate about August but somehow it looks more friendly than the draws I did for June and July. I hope I'm right about that.

The wedding was lovely but the trip was challenging--my daughter was very moody (I'm in the process of trying to find the right dosage for her active b-vitamin regime) and cried a lot. So I wouldn't say it was exactly fun, but I was glad we were able to go anyway. I'm happy for my sister, and even when it's tough it's good to see my family.

I hope you all have a nice Monday. I may post again today--we shall see. I need to catch up on a bunch of blogs.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Keeping Still: Managing Expectations of My Daughter's Care

I know I said in the previous post that I was done posting until next week, but I really wanted to post this one. It's a good one!

The question I posed had to do with whether to change my daughter's health regime or whether things were fine as they are for now. I have this unpleasantly urgent need to do better, better, better for my daughter. I keep thinking I should do this, that and the other.

It occurred to me that maybe I needed to both manage my expectations as well as appreciate what progress has been made. Rushing off onto the next big treatment, phase or other thing can backfire, as I have seen.

This pull reflected that. The phrase 'Keeping Still' in and of itself, as a title to this card, reminds me that sometimes the best and most powerful things can happen in-between times as you power up for the next big jump. The small transitions can lead to bigger ones.

In my daughter's case, we've seen pretty significant jumps in her cognitive and verbal (as well as other) areas since removing the seizure medications, and we saw many other jumps at different stages of her treatment: from removal of gluten, dairy, peanuts, soy, and (most) refined sugars, as well as the biomedical/supplement regimes of active b vitamins, probiotics, high potency fish oil and several others which I won't bother boring you with.

All of the above have contributed to my daughter's wellbeing over the past couple of years plus, but sometimes I get impatient and think, 'WHY isn't this or that improving?' And yet I feel that I need to appreciate what I see in front of me--the noticeable improvements.

The changing line I got was 5:

"Keep your own counsel. As the confusing and conflicting opinions of other people die down, you find your answers. You know what to do."

This was an interesting addition to the card's already helpful meaning. Just imagine! Trusting my own instincts as a parent! Who would've thought? But really it's not just instinct--it's also a desire and passion to improve my daughter's health. It's countless hours of research. Pain and struggling when something goes wrong. Joy when something positive and new is happening.

Even my daughter's integrative doc knows that since I spend so much time with my daughter I have the biggest advantage when it comes to making decisions about my daughter's care. That isn't to say that I don't need guidance. I definitely do. I don't have the expertise that he does.

Anyway. This was a gentle but powerful message for me. I hope I can hold onto that feeling of relative confidence which I sorely lack most of the time.

I also really like the phrase mentioning letting go of the anxiety and pain of the past and future.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week.

Much Love,

Critical Mass: Be Back Next Week

Here's today's hexagram.

Actually this was an answer to a specific question about whether I should attempt to re-start the B-12 injections given that we've removed couple things and lowered the doses of others, but this answer to me says unequivocally, 'No'...more than that it points to rising stress I've been feeling again lately.

I am going on a trip to my sister's wedding, and while I am glad to go it always raises lots of anxiety for me. My germ anxiety (my family is really into food sharing, which wigs me out a lot), my anxiety about being around lots of people (overstimulation), and just the stress of traveling with a child who has behavioral/health/mood/etc issues. I just feel burnt out. And still broke. We get paid Friday but we still won't have much money--the problem of monthly money shortage continues.

I am going to try to relax and lay low, and take the advice of this card on finding ways of lessening and mitigating my stess.

I'll be back next week sometime. Apologies, again, as I am still behind on most people's blogs.

Love to all,

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Corners of the Mouth: Nourishing of Self and Others

First of all, I apologize for the dirt under my fingernails. I hate that. I was doing some weeding yesterday evening so apparently I didn't get all the dirt out.  Ew. Anyway.

I appreciate this message on nourishment, particularly health and diet. I always need this reminder, particularly as I focus so heavily on nourishing my daughter and then accept mediocre nourishment for myself, which isn't smart in any sense of the word. That's not to say I don't need work all around nourishing everything and everyone in my life--but nourishing yourself takes a lot more work than you'd think. I think it's harder to learn to nourish and help ourselves. It's seen as normal and natural to help others but not so much to help ourselves.

I almost forgot to mention changing line 1:

"There is magic, working wonders in your life. Don't lose it by looking at what works for other people and wondering if you should be like them."

I have to admit that I do just that a lot of the time. I often think, 'Jeez, I need to do this or that.' But the original reason why I don't do this or that is because it isn't something I want to do or isn't me...but yet I suffer over the feeling that I'm doing something wrong. That's no way to approach something.

So I guess this concept of nourishment should also encompass a sense of doing what works for you (within reason, of course!) and not fretting or feeling miserable if it isn't exciting or interesting or what someone else would do.

Have a nice Monday,

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Working on Things: Clean Up Your Messes BUT Have Fun!

I nearly forgot to post today. Here's a card I got. Actually this one's a repeat offender. The title in the Tao Oracle (covered by my finger which looks slightly ancient due to the effect I used) is 'Work on What Has Been Spoiled' which we can juxtapose with the comparatively tame 'working on it' from 'The Little Book of Changes' which does not go with this deck. I just love the poetic but simple style of this book. Anyway. I can't remember whether I had a specific question or purpose when pulling this card, but it's not necessary, I guess.

This card shows the importance of breaking out of inertia. If there are weeds, pull them. If there's laundry to do...start on it. Nothing is more empowering than taking action. I've seen this happening in lots of areas in my life, from the aforementioned household chores (how I've seen laundry pile up and weeds take over!) to larger goals (if you want to sell your house fix it up, put it on the market, price it right). Amazing things can happen in time when you put the energy toward your goal.

And there's an emotional, psychological and helpful component to this clearing, fixing and relating. It not only gets the job done but has a way of healing a person in a very grounded and practical way. There's something very rejuvenating and hopeful about getting in the thick of things and getting your hands dirty which can't be accomplished any other way.

But here's the somewhat contradictory part...although I know this is true and a good message, I also got changing line 6 (see the line showing on the right hand column of the book in the picture) which talks about all work and no play making someone dull and unhappy. So I have to keep that in mind, too!


Friday, July 6, 2012

Tea Leaf Fortunate: Gifts and Protection

This is an interesting and helpful trio.

By itself the 'Box' card can mean any sort of gift--material or otherwise. The 'Staff' card sometimes makes me nervous because it implies hard times, but also protection offered during those times. The 'Coins' card is always good to see; I received it a little over a week ago and then sort of forgot about it. I received it again today so I'm hoping that means it's simply a reminder of money coming.

This also makes me think of ideas that have been brewing in my brain for getting money and also different types of life experiences. I like the subtle acknowledgement of this thinking. It's like a thumbs up.

Love to y'all and have a good weekend,

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Innocence: Adopting a Trusting View

I'm continuing my foray into the I Ching (which I periodically delve into but then abandon temporarily) and this is today's card. I have been thinking about many areas of my life: health, finances, happiness...and I do realize that I need to adopt a more open, optimistic and trusting attitude.

I feel like I have lost the spark of life--the gentleness that kids have and the wonder at life. I would like to regain that (or perhaps discover it for the first time) as I can't think of a time where I felt like I wasn't in over my head stress-wise.

Sending you all peace and innocence,

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Decreasing: Be Less Negative and Cut Back

Here's today's card. Actually this is more of a general trend--I don't usually consider most pulls to happen on the same day as they are selected as most draws don't go that way. Anyway!

I actually pulled about my daughter's change/decrease in methyl-folate and methyl b-12, so this makes sense on a very literal level, too. But it also makes sense in the 'times are hard and resources are low' way, because of our very, very limited finances.

It reminds me rather pointedly that true resources come from within. While that may be true everyone knows that things are much easier when you don't have to struggle to make ends meet!

But I also need to remember the part about being less negative. I thought that was cleverly hidden in the card's meaning. Well, not hidden exactly. Just wasn't expecting to read that.

I found the changing line I received especially strange, but it was positive:

"You are ahead of schedule. You can take off early or you can help others. The choice is yours."

Hmm interesting. I will definitely have to think more about what that means.

Happy Tues! I will not be blogging tomorrow as it's the 4th of July and my hubby will be home.

Also: Happy Full Moon in Capricorn! I guess a card about resourcefulness is very Capricornian.

Love to y'all,

Tea Leaf Reading Update: Broken Bridge

I received this card a few times the last week of June--you can see examples both here and here.

I wasn't really sure exactly what this was referring to--because often in a reading with multiple cards more than one situation is being highlighted. Now that June has passed and the B-12 injection therapy has proven to be problematic for us, we have stopped and I turned back to this card thinking this was the situation alluded to.

It could be something else but I don't think so. I thought about it being other things but nothing seemed significant enough to warrant this card showing up. I actually considered this was the issue initially but I couldn't imagine how I would get out of doing the B-12 shots. Not that I was planning on it--I planned on suffering through it if it would help, but it became unbearable, starting at the end of May when we began supplementing with a couple other things at the same time.

So this definitely seems to indicate the need to scrap my daughter's current treatment and change it--to go back to the drawing board as it were. People are individuals and unfortunately not everything works universally. Some people respond badly to some things, and hopefully better to others.

I hope July goes more smoothly as we carefully continue to navigate the confusing twists and turns of my daughter's treatment and life in general.


Monday, July 2, 2012

Standing Still: Stopping the B-12 Shots

As you might have gathered from my posts over the past month, things have been pretty unpleasant after starting my daughter's methyl b-12 treatment. Her side effects have been considerable. This is unfortunate for a variety of reasons--my sanity being one of them. But I don't know what to do. What I decided to do (temporarily) is to stop the B-12 injections and go back to what I was doing before with the sublingual B-12 and slightly reduced amounts of the other nutrients she needs.

Here's the single card pull, using the Tao Oracle and my I Ching book that I procured recently. I chose changing line '1' before pulling--and you can see the quote about being true to yourself. I cannot tolerate 2-3 months of these extreme symptoms (aggression, constant crying, an inability to take her anywhere and on and on) as our quality of life is too low to warrant it. I have to find another way. I am so tired of looking at the clock at 10am and wishing the day was over already. It's been that bad.

At the same time, I realize that I have to continue treating and helping my daughter. This card suggests that stagnation can result if you wait too long. I am still committed to her biomedical treatment for her seizures, ADHD, sensory, mood and other issues, but I need to do it in such a way as to preserve what little sanity I have left.


Tao Oracle: Small is Beautiful

I am feeling pretty tired this morning but I wanted to post, so I popped over to My Divination to use a deck online that I've been working with in person, the Tao Oracle.

62: Small is Beautiful

Anything you take on right now should be handled as though it was butterfly's wings.  This delicate time requires a realistic consideration of both your limitations and capacities, so that you can be honest about what you can and can't do.  Be conscientious, but be true to yourself  first.  The Tao continually restores equilibrium by relieving excess.  You've become maxed out in some area of your life, however, and it's time to slow down and get back in touch with yourself.  You can't afford to project an in-demand, cruising-in-the-fast-lane image; that would tip the scales to the point of collapse.  Make peace with vulnerability by incorporating the remembrance of life's transitory nature into all that you do.

When I saw this card I thought that it was saying that things are kind of tiring and I have to be content with small progress, small pleasures. I definitely agree with the quote in the description stating, 'You've become maxed out in some area of your life, however, and it's time to slow down and get back in touch with yourself.' Very important but particularly challenging for me.

I have a hard time getting in touch with myself when I'm feeling down, stressed or otherwise not good about things. This is a skill that I've struggled to cultivate my whole life. It's probably my biggest issue. The frustrating part is that I know the practical concepts of what I should or shouldn't do, but it's so much harder for me to do it. I try and inevitably keep struggling. I think the last line about making peace with the transitory nature of everything is the key to this card. That, and the understanding that being realistic about what you can do, as it states.

In the book there is a much longer description and many changing line meanings, but I have chosen to just take the simple explanation of this one and use it.

I may whip this deck out tomorrow to photograph its rich details.