Sunday, February 3, 2013
Feeling a Lack: Turning a Frown Upside-Down...
I was feeling particularly discouraged today because I've been working behind-the-scenes on my shop to be opened sometime in March, but the unfortunate truth is that I have been running low on funds to get the shop going. What little money I have left (which isn't much!) I have to use for mundane things like groceries. And while I am grateful I have enough money for groceries, at least for the week, I am frustrated that I can't get everything I need to get for my shop (supplies for the treasure candles such as the treasures themselves, packaging, labels, business cards, or whatever else) I realize that the hurry to get all of these things is self-imposed.
My theory on why I have this rigid agenda is that I am very fearful that I will give up on this venture even before it starts, due to a lack of energy and things sputtering out financially. I am hurrying because I'm rushing against my own tendency to give up. I feel if I delay too long (and in this case it would be about a month and a half give or take) then I will drop the whole damn thing. I tend to spend way more money than I receive and I often feel frustrated with myself for this. During this process, and in previous ventures, I've often thought to myself, 'You know, if you just saved money instead of spending money trying to start up one venture or another you would be much better off.' Now that I see it typed again it makes sense to me still.
When I pulled these three cards this is what was in my mind...this ambivalence about whether to start this thang or not. When I asked my husband about it today he said that I should do it if and only if it would bring me more overall pleasure than pain. He said that he felt that if it was too stressful for me and didn't yield much positive gain then it wouldn't be worth it, but if I found a way to feel relaxed about it then it would be good. I see his point, but I still don't know how to implement his advice. It's one of those things that's easier said than done (especially with this monkey mind). I wish it was something I really felt gung-ho about.
The first card is definitely descriptive and accurate. It says that I feel there's something lacking in my life: love, money or goals. Well, the latter two are definitely true. At least I feel very stymied in these areas. In the book it states the importance of taking steps to improve these areas of lack.
In the next card we have Horseshoe, which just shows general good luck. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but I don't quite know what to do with that. I feel like this is a generally encouraging sign, but maybe it is just wishing me luck, in an almost sarcastic way, 'Good luck with THAT.' Just kidding. :D Something that also comes to mind is that I want to make my own luck and look on the bright side. I want to see the good things I've done already. I want to feel lucky in the moment and not project into the future.
In the final card we have Flag, which is a card that I've learned often means we compromise with what we really want to have happen because we think we can't have it. We lower our standards to mold to whatever we think they have to line up to. I have done this in the past, such as with my hand-painted jewelry business, where I lowered and lowered my prices, but the sales still didn't come. This is a pretty common phenomenon. People don't value us if we don't value ourselves. Fearless self-confidence and self-promotion is often needed in life, in particular if you want anyone else to buy anything from you or exchange in any way with you. This is something I really want to be able to do.