I pulled this card recently from the Messenger Oracle and it's an interesting one that is probably applicable to everyone out there. We all create things and we all have a need to create, whether it's a business, a child, a story, a garden, or really anything. The description says:
"You were blessed with the ability to create with thought, intention, action and emotion. Be conscious of your power and aware of what your actions and reactions create within and around you. Cherish this gift and use it in both a wise and productive manner. Create beauty, and inspire a desire within others to do the same. Create a future that both fulfills and delights. Do what you were born to do."
Reading this paragraph I'm reminded of something that crossed my mind yesterday as I was making my bed (something that actually doesn't happen very often--heh!), which is that I am always trying to find something 'new' that I must do, must learn, must be other than whatever it is that I am. I am always hoping for a new, better version of myself. What I realized is that I was not utilizing any skills I already had, and was pretty resistant to using them.
I often reject ideas for creative outlets even before I have a chance to follow them through. Sometimes I'll quit after doing them for a while, and considering some experiences I've had I don't know if I blame myself, but is it just that I've gotten gun shy because of the difficulty of being creative in a materially obsessed world? Creative people (which is really everyone to varying degrees) can't be shot down by difficulty and rejection. It's not healthy to let others define your actions with their disapproval...but I still find myself doing it.
The worst thing for me is that I feel like I have no energy. I'm tired all the time, physically off and depressed, and it's like someone unplugged me and expects me to still function. That is why I've been trying to get to the bottom of things health-wise with NRT. But I also wonder if some of this is from not being tapped into my own source of creativity. Then again...I don't know.
Anyway. I am not having the best day today. Have had a headache since yesterday (which could very well be due to physical reactions from the parasite cleanse I am doing that lasts 10 days), and my daughter who seemed cheerful this morning managed to get into a fight with some girl because she was playing some naughty game and ended up hitting the girl in the face. This does not bode well for her behavior in the fall...things have not been very pleasant lately mood or behavior-wise.
I am going to try to let it go. Maybe creativity is the answer. Health problems and bratty/aggressive kid behavior may push me, finally, into being more proactive about my creative outlets.