Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I've been wanting to concentrate on figuring out a new project to work on, and to do some organization and things that I really should've done during Mercury Retrograde. I will be back on August 6th (or so?)...apologies if I don't respond to all comments. I will try to, but I am trying to stay off the computer more.
The main reason I am staying off is that I am physically drained lately and I want to save my energy for cleaning and other projects! We shall see if I'm successful or not. Hehe.
Sending goodness for your first week of August!
Monday, July 29, 2013
The Angel Dreams Oracle, which is a Doreen Virtue deck, is actually pretty cool. I like the artwork on it, and I attribute most of my enjoyment of this deck to the artist, who portrays the subjects in a colorful, dynamic yet somehow dreamy way. Here is a card I got maybe a week or two ago.
This one resonated with me especially because I've been doing lower chakra work (yellow, orange, red) due to some health issues that I've had in those areas. I admit I am a skeptic. I probably always will be, but it's free to do and where's the harm?
One concept I always recall when bringing this chakra to mind is self confidence. A person's self esteem and self image are firmly tied to this particular chakra, and there is no doubt that I have issues with this, and I have the associated health issues for this chakra, too (digestive issues, for instance).
This color has a definite sunny aspect. Warm and active. Powerful.
I am trying to keep these concepts in mind!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
I have the Ator Tarot App on my phone and I love the whimsical images and how clear they are. I mean, all the images on the apps are very clear, which is nice, and I love that I can take screen shots of them and then save and edit them. But there's something about this deck that's so outstandingly clear and graphic. I mean, it's supposed to be graphic. Not graphic in the sense of gore (even in the 10 of Swords, above), but just in a graphic design sense. Well, you know...cartoonishly so!
Now that I've rambled uninterestingly about that topic, I shall move onward!!!!
I've been trying to do readings then verify them later (or in the moment if it's possible), and this is an example that makes sense to me, I think. My sis-in-law had a bunch of bad news around the same time, which is not a good or fun thing, and I'm sure we all understand that! But anyway, in looking at this reading I find the Ace of Cups in the middle to be very heartening...like the eye of a storm. The love she has for her children, husband, and maybe life in general, may be the key to getting through difficulties.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Here's a card from my Gaia Oracle app, yet again. I admit there are too many cheesy nude lady images in this deck but some of them are interesting. For instance, I love the curvature of the spine in this one. I love the corresponding curvature of the earth underneath her. I also love the greens, blues and shades of yellows and brown.
This feels wholesome and green--like a dry, dead field turning green after a storm. I feel like this relates to a desire I've felt growing within me to dedicate myself to a creative project. I feel like my fallow period must end soon!
Friday, July 26, 2013
As July draws to a close I turn my eye toward August. But as usual, I do this with curiosity and also a large dash of salt. I look at this draw and I am not entirely sure what to think! It's funny but nothing in particular comes to mind. That's OKAY, though. That's why it's cool having a blog for tarot and oracle readings. You can look back at them and see where they were accurate (or not!)
So there's friendship, there's family security being important, there is some situation which is temporary (but I am not sure what that is--unless it's the stubborn, aggressive person). So all in all it seems OK. It could be worse!!
At times these cards are quite literal. The description or meaning may not hold as much meaning as the image itself. But anyway...I will try to update later. Meanwhile, I should update my reading from last month...
Thursday, July 25, 2013
I purchased the Life Purpose Oracle Cards a while back--maybe a month ago? I can't remember exactly when it was I but I think it was June. Anyway. Not important so much.
This deck is interesting, but it is very specific and so I don't recommend you use it unless you are answering a question specifically about a purpose. It would be frustrating and annoying. Hehee.
Here is today's trio: Time to Decide, Children and Family
I admit this isn't quite what I was expecting, but maybe it makes more sense than I realize now.
The first card pulled was Time to Decide. That made sense on some level, too. If I'm going to pursue something I need to know what I am pursuing. So I pulled two cards representing a direction to pursue and I got 'Children' and 'Family'. But the weird thing is, I am trying to focus AWAY from these things. I've spent nearly 8 years as a stay-at-home mom (which I know pales in comparison to my mother who spent 30+), and my daughter is going off to school this fall and I'm nervous as hell, but anyway.
I feel like something needs to shift in terms of focus. I need to have heartfelt goals that will keep me interested in life. But...I don't want these goals to be hollow or determined by the wrong things. I want it to really mean something. And it needs to be on a budget because...well, I have no money.
And when it comes to working with children...it doesn't appeal to me. I hate to be rude, but I am not the person who enjoys teaching children or working in a day care or whatever else can involve groups of children. I found it hard and not particularly fun. I always express awe at people who work with groups of children. Children are like wild little forces of nature! I think that's how I knew I would never have more than one or two kids. I am better one on one or maybe a small group of adults.
The aspect of this reading that makes sense to me is about loving friends and family. I do feel that one of the most important thing about life is being able to love and uplift others when possible. This is something I am always trying to practice, but it's something that really takes a lifetime to work on and to do. Or perhaps what this trio is saying is that I will never have a normal 'job' and that nurturing others as a mother, friend or whatnot is my job? I don't even know.
SOO...what in the world do I do with this message? I am not sure yet. I will try to be open-minded about it, though.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I pulled again, using my iPhone and my Gaia Oracle App. What I like about this is that it allows me to take screen captures of the image(s) and then edit them as I like. It works out pretty well!
This card is interesting. I mean, it's not interesting in the meaning--which is fairly basic but definitely useful. But it triggers something I was listening to yesterday on my Hayhouse Radio app on my phone. Carolyn Myss was talking to someone live on the air. This woman wanted to unplug from her 9-5 job scene and wanted to do something to reach more people or help them. But with further probing, we find out that this woman teaches and helps children with disabilities...which begs the question, why is that less helpful or less than in any way? It is our circumstances or our perception of them?
The line 'I am always on the right path' is a good reminder. We are where we are and to fight that is a recipe for disaster. Making healthy goals is good, but I think it's very, very easy to fall into the trap of 'I'll be happy if I get more money, or travel more, or have another degree, etc.' I know I tell myself these messages constantly rather than being content with who I am--or using who I am to a fuller extent, one which might make me happy. What defines us?
Having said this, we all know that there are times which are ickier and heavier than others. Something out-of-the-ordinary in a stressful way comes up and we just want the heck out of it! In that case finding helpful solutions is totally understandable. Other times, the heaviness can't be avoided and we just have to trudge through it. I find the heaviest times are often ones where I am scared crapless of the process, or struggling with it in some way. The struggle is where the suffering is, but avoiding struggle completely is not realistic either.
Anyway. I am going to try to appreciate who I am here and now. Like another lecturer/spiritual author said: what is front of you and behind you do not exist. They are just a black nothingness. All that exists is right here in the present. I know, I know. Totally cliché, but anyway. :D It helps to keep that as a reminder for those of us who spend way too much time worrying and regretting, which is a lot of us!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Today is the Full Moon in Aquarius. I thought I'd pull a couple of cards from the gorgeous Tattered Nomad Lenormand, and what I got seemed to relate to some sort of decision or ending regarding business and money.
I found these combinations on the LearnLenormand.com site:
Scythe + fish (34): business decision, decision impacts finances
Fish + scythe (10): business decision, layoff
So then I pulled two more cards:
Rider + clover (2): good news, a lucky young man
Clover + rider (1): good news, lucky athlete
AND THEN...I shuffled and pulled two more cards:
Fish + garden (20): customers, fundraising
So, could it be that some sort of ending has a positive outcome? Or leads to more customers/funds? This is something I will definitely keep in mind. The 'full moon' energy is supposed to be about endings, something culminating. Sometimes the scythe sounds scary to me--like Death slicing off my head, but maybe he's doing me a favor! We shall see. I'll update if I can on this one. :)
Sunday, July 21, 2013
So! My Mercury Retrograde break is over. I have to say, I meant to do a heck of a lot more things than I did. I would say that my break consisted of more emotional rather than practical things. It was interesting, but definitely less to-do list friendly and more emotional spelunking. I'm not sure what to think of it.
In any case, I guess it's appropriate that the card I pulled today from my Gaia Oracle app on my phone is 'Attachment' which speaks of the difficult but essential process of letting go, and the feelings that this brings up. I think that I have 'attachment' issues. Both as an attachment parent and as someone who has abandonment issues, the roots of which I can't quite determine.
I think of my attachment to my daughter, who I've spent every day for nearly eight years with, who I am about to send off to school, and that this represents a longer process of independence for her, and how this process may not be so easy for me, especially as someone with such wounds and fears surrounding personal independence, and a general phobia of going out into the world.
Another thing that came up during the retrograde is something I've touched on here before but I believe it came into focus especially clearly, which is my feelings of shame at being interested in tarot and the occult/metaphysical. While I try to act like I feel carefree in my enjoyment of these things, I often feel torn and skeptical. I know this is a common issue for readers and I've seen several people write about it. When speaking to a friend about it, I realized how much energy I've spent trying to downplay parts of my personality, finding nothing but shame and embarrassment in them.
I can only imagine how much this hurts me on both the conscious and subconscious levels. I think everything is tied together--which is part of why holistic topics have always held such sway in my beliefs. Yet I've spent a shit ton of energy trying to look blasé about things that I am interested in, and to try to completely avoid discussing them with most people. To me, this is about the negative vibration of fear, holding back-an inability to let go.
So when I saw this card this is what I thought about. On a more positive note, I had a more personal and emotional conversation with my brother, which was really unexpected and very cool, something that hasn't happened in ages. It was nice to open up and be less defensive about what I would normally talk about around family. I realized how much I hold back in day to day life, and how I often fear the results of saying the wrong thing or even thinking a certain way. I feel like it's only a matter of time before something unpleasant goes down with regards to my beliefs.
I did have a friend of mine tell me she deeply disliked something I had recommended to her book-wise, which did trigger a lot of feelings of insecurity in me, and a desire to normalize the event, or make it seem like I really didn't care about it, but I realize that I need to learn to accept what I feel. I have a deep, painful need for acceptance and validation, but there are many times when what I may be interested in may be insulting to someone else. This friend did point out that she learned a valuable lesson in standing on her own and really acknowledging her own beliefs and needs when something did not jive with her. I was hoping to learn the same thing from the experience, but I have not yet done so.
When I stopped to think about it, I can think of several instances where someone's beliefs made me cringe and want to crawl into a hole or cut them out of my life, but to them it felt right, and it aligned with who they are. I find that there's a great deal of self-rejection involved in my interaction with others, where I feel like I must be a certain way to mold to whatever they feel or think. I know many people do this, and I see it a lot. It is said that we feel we must bend to the point of breaking.
Mostly I worry about the unpredictable nature of humanity. I am afraid of people being angry at me--I am afraid of my own anger, or my own vulnerability. I am afraid to hurt anyone, and I am afraid of being hurt. But when you look at valuable insights from people such as Brene Brown, you see that vulnerability is the very thing that you should be embracing. That fulfillment and deep connection is only possible through this. As one of my friends recently told me, 'A sky without clouds is very boring.' She was drawing a metaphor to the necessity of struggle and the beauty that came from its resolution. It takes bravery. To quote a Tori Amos lyric, "The sexiest thing is trust."
I'm still not sure how to go beyond the sensations of fear and pain in my interactions with others and myself. I am not entirely sure how not to obsess over things that bother me. I don't think it's entirely possible to do so, but I think for now what I would like to do is truly focus on love, as the card suggests.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
|A pretty mason jar arrangement I got for myself recently. Yeah, I got romantic with myself. :D|
I pulled these two cards from the Animal Wisdom Tarot just now. I actually didn't mean for them to have anything to do with the New Moon in Cancer today (July 8th), but after I drew them I remembered the moon due to having drawn the Moon in the reading.
I think the Moon is really wistful and pretty in this deck--sweet little rabbit looking up at the sky, framed by two dark, craggy trees. It has a storybook kind of feel to it. The Moon card, in my estimation, usually has more of a dark, mysterious and sometimes slightly dangerous feeling. Not so with this particular card. The rabbit does look a little bewildered but maybe more alert than anything.
Moving to the Strength card we have Lion, who reminds me more of the Sun than the Moon. There's even a sun behind the lion's head. The meaning of the Strength card, however, is not the same as that of the actual Sun card, but I could draw some similar correlations. Then again, this is all about how I feel about the reading and not much about anything else, so I can say whatever the heck I want, I guess?!!! Hehe...oy.
A phrase (or at least a part of a phrase) popped into my head with this duo, something along these lines:
"Personal strength despite not knowing what will happen."
To me that is the essence of the Moon in tarot. The unknowable darkness and night--not knowing what is beyond the dark night of the soul, but trusting the path anyway. We're all scared little bunnies on our paths, trying to convince ourselves that everything will be OK.
The truth is not everything will be OK, but ultimately we may be. That's why we have to believe that we have the strength to move through periods of uncertainty and iffy change. True bravery lies in recognizing and somehow working with our vulnerability during times we'd rather not engage in life. That is the big thing that I have to confront within myself over the next few months.
Friday, July 5, 2013
I pulled this card as a way of focusing away from my anxiety. This card is supposed to highlight imagination and daydreaming as a way of indirectly finding out your heart's desires and also allowing you to relax. I find myself having severe social phobia the likes of which I haven't had for quite a while. I know it's because of my daughter's upcoming school entry at the end of next month. The idea of interacting with a group of people or institution of any sort sounds repellent to me and puts my fight or flight mode into high gear. I am trying not to allow myself to go there. I guess this is one possible antidote to that fear, although I don't know if it'll be effective enough...I feel pretty tense.
Take a moment to allow your focus to soften. Let the images, sounds, feelings and smells flow to you.
I've noticed that when I try to relax the feelings that surface are generally NOT pleasant, which makes me resistant to relaxing. I know that whatever feelings I have need to be expressed, but I have to say that my innate hedonism doesn't particularly want to go there. For me, this exercise feels like a massive hangover of pent-up negative feelings and fears...ewwww.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
|I added the border and clouds in PicMonkey.com|
I got a couple of apps for my phone. I splurged and got a couple. This was one of them. I like it! Most of the cards, anyway. Some of them are silly but I'd say that is true of most oracles. They tend to be cheesier, but sometimes the cheesiness is what hits home. I can't help it if that's true!?! :)
Here's a card I received. Hope everyone has a happy 4th of July. I don't intend to do anything much. We might eat grilled corn and lamb burgers but otherwise not much. My daughter's bedtime is before fireworks and she tends to get cranky during it, so I don't know whether we'll watch them.
Lots o' Love,
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Here is a spread from the Animal Wisdom Tarot: Bear Pause. It is a contemplative spread to be used before a big change or period of activity. Since my life is set to change in big ways (my daughter, who've I've spent every day with for 7.5 years, is going to school next month), I am nervously trying to make plans on how to cope with this. I realize this is a normal transition for most people, but for me it doesn't feel normal if that makes any sense. For me it is more of a struggle. Possibly because one of my biggest fears is being alone. I have no other children and my husband is away at work all day--and even though I am working hard to find a steady venture that I actually like, I have not found anything that seems right to me. I think what compounds this is that I have been alone a lot before and I simply don't like it. I do have my parents in town, but I do not want to constantly hang out with them like a lost child--I don't think it would be healthy. I think the answer is to go within (hence the spread and all the soul-searching) and figure out what would be best for me.
Here are the positions:
1. Present: You and your general relationship or reaction to the situation.
MM's comment: Well, I am surprised to see such an empowered card here. This is the Magician. The message of this card is really Star Wars-like: "Feel, trust, and use the force within you."
2. Thoughts: What you think about the situation (mental focus).
MM's comment: Seven of Swords. I guess getting a swords card in the thought position makes sense. This card is often linked with deception, trying to get away with something. Maybe I think that I don't have to change much in my life, but maybe I am seriously fooling myself.
3. Feelings: What you feel about the situation (emotional focus).
MM's comment: Page of Wands. This is my daughter's card. I find it interesting that the fox represents her, as it's a sort of family totem for us. Of course ultimately I want my daughter to be happy and to have support, safety and new experiences. My feelings are focused on her and how I feel about this big transition for her.
4. Direction from Spirit: Signs and symbols from the natural world; guidance from Spirit; messages from the dream world. (This card can often be surprising!)
MM's comment: Ace of Cups. Love. I guess what popped to mind is loving someone and setting them free. The power of love in general. Otherwise I am not sure. There's some kind of deep emotional seed or surge. Or maybe it is the creative aspect of the water element that's being addressed.
5. Inner Wisdom: What you know deep down about the situation (grounded, intuitive knowledge).
MM's comment: Queen of Pentacles. This is a very motherly and grounded card. Maybe the message is that my daughter is safe and that I am doing the right thing as a mother. Or maybe it's something more specifically about me right now. I am not entirely sure, but it has an earthy, healthy feeling.
6. Future: Where you're headed; immediate outcome of the situation if you allow it to unfold naturally.
MM's comment: Six of Pentacles. I admit I am not sure how to interpret the Six of Pentacles as an outcome card. Any thoughts? I thought of some kind of philanthropy, charity or other thing that highlights giving and receiving. Do I need to find an outlet for this in myself? I got this card recently as a recommendation to learn to receive as well as give. We can't do only one. I will try to be mindful of this concept over the next few months.