Sunday, September 8, 2013
Committing to Something? Oh, I GUESS!
I don't think I have fully realized how commitment-phobic I am until recently.
I mean, when it comes to my marriage this isn't the case, but when it comes to almost EVERYTHING else, that is how I feel. I think this happens with people. Often it happens in relationships, and for me that seems to be true (at times) with friendships, but more so with business ventures and any kind of idea, group or anything else that may have longer-ranging consequences.
This is part of why parenting has been so hard. You have to hang in there day after day, even when things are just horrible. Sleep problems, mood problems, health problems, etc. It can go on and on for years.
But anyway. With parenting it's more ingrained, I think. It's more innate. With business ventures my self confidence just takes a nose dive with most things and I give up before things have barely begun, or else I find some other way to self-sabotage. Having an degree in art has never been the recipe for financial success, but it's more than that--it's an attitude I've adopted that labels me 'loser' before anything has a chance to flourish.
How do I break out of this? Well, I guess the answer is commitment and hard work. These things outlast any amount of talent or good fortune. Nothing is as lasting as hard work and a dedication to an outcome.
In terms of a specific idea--I don't know if I have one quite yet, but the fact is that I am commitment-phobic when it comes to jobs and projects, and recognizing this tendency is the first step in combating it, I think. If I lie to myself about this I will keep falling into the same hole over and over again, having amnesia about the experience but assuming there is no problem--or misdiagnosing the problem altogether.
One thing that comes to mind is putting out feelers about projects and then following through in asking about them. Don't just stop at Stage One. Go to Stage Two and then Stage Three! I think follow-through is a no-brainer but apparently not for me. I get seriously cold feet when it comes to these sorts of things. For instance, I picked up the business card of a woman who coordinates the art classes at a local museum. But instead of calling or e-mailing her I held onto the card and said maybe later I would...but I am not sure if I have gotten the courage up to do so.
There are many other examples of this that I could lost but present and in my past, but there is no point to that. My assignment for myself is to try to be more courageous and also more committed when it comes to any sort of venture.