Sunday, September 8, 2013

Committing to Something? Oh, I GUESS!

I don't think I have fully realized how commitment-phobic I am until recently.

I mean, when it comes to my marriage this isn't the case, but when it comes to almost EVERYTHING else, that is how I feel. I think this happens with people. Often it happens in relationships, and for me that seems to be true (at times) with friendships, but more so with business ventures and any kind of idea, group or anything else that may have longer-ranging consequences.

This is part of why parenting has been so hard. You have to hang in there day after day, even when things are just horrible. Sleep problems, mood problems, health problems, etc. It can go on and on for years.

But anyway. With parenting it's more ingrained, I think. It's more innate. With business ventures my self confidence just takes a nose dive with most things and I give up before things have barely begun, or else I find some other way to self-sabotage. Having an degree in art has never been the recipe for financial success, but it's more than that--it's an attitude I've adopted that labels me 'loser' before anything has a chance to flourish.

How do I break out of this? Well, I guess the answer is commitment and hard work. These things outlast any amount of talent or good fortune. Nothing is as lasting as hard work and a dedication to an outcome.

In terms of a specific idea--I don't know if I have one quite yet, but the fact is that I am commitment-phobic when it comes to jobs and projects, and recognizing this tendency is the first step in combating it, I think. If I lie to myself about this I will keep falling into the same hole over and over again, having amnesia about the experience but assuming there is no problem--or misdiagnosing the problem altogether.

One thing that comes to mind is putting out feelers about projects and then following through in asking about them. Don't just stop at Stage One. Go to Stage Two and then Stage Three! I think follow-through is a no-brainer but apparently not for me. I get seriously cold feet when it comes to these sorts of things. For instance, I picked up the business card of a woman who coordinates the art classes at a local museum. But instead of calling or e-mailing her I held onto the card and said maybe later I would...but I am not sure if I have gotten the courage up to do so.

There are many other examples of this that I could lost but present and in my past, but there is no point to that. My assignment for myself is to try to be more courageous and also more committed when it comes to any sort of venture.



  1. I can relate to this committing problem. I am a mother of two beautiful daughters and committing to parenting came naturally but to others things……. I am a champion in downgrading my own abilities; setting my standards far to high so failing is inevitable. I would not have expected anything else. So now and then I try to commit myself to little projects. Just to practice to commit. (Writing 750 words a day, studying Tarot or starting a blog.) I think it is mostly difficult to commit to my self

    1. Yes...absolutely. For mothers it is easy (well, easy is not quite the word, but maybe instinctual is more like it) to commit to loving your children. I know my personal journey of parenting has been very painful and challenging. It's hard because I am lacking in self worth and I am scared of being challenged, doing things wrong, etc. I have fears that every parent has, and because my daughter has had health challenges I fear more for her--sometimes I feel I've over-committed to these fears!

      Yes, it definitely is harder to answer to yourself, to commit to your own goals. Other people can be a distraction--one that is subconsciously welcome to anyone who doesn't want to look at themselves. But then again, I think we're also way too hard on ourselves and we don't see the wonderful things we have done. Our accomplishments seem piddly because we're too busy judging them to celebrate them.

      Anyway--thanks for the great comment!


  2. I think I am going to take your advice and be more aware of the things I have done and be proud of myself. (And there is another commitment to myself) :)

  3. Interesting questions ..

    I wonder if maybe you try to commit to things you think you should do, rather than those things you actually want to do ...

    You have so much energy and enthusiasm with this blog, because it is playful and creative. It's when you turn things into a business and feel as though there is expectation of you that the problems start. I wonder if [like me] you reach too high to begin with. The key might be to not look at starting such big projects, but completing a succession of very small ones. Ones that you know are achievable and carry low risk. An example was my recent Fragments of an Illusion Tarot. It was playful and never for sale. For those reasons, I just got through it and finished it. It wasn't the smallest project, but it had less expectation. It felt so good to finish something, because I finally knew I could.

    Don't worry about the past. Those times have gone. It's just you and the now. Try something small. Finish it. Then try something else. Don't worry about businesses and ventures or money-making schemes. Just test the water. Be playful and see what happens. Telling yourself that you have a problem with commitment is the first nail in the coffin. Create something small and dig out that belief (because that is all it is) like a weed in your garden.

    Hope that helps.

    1. Thanks Sir Prince!

      Great comment. I need to go over and catch up on your blog. I've been in a huge haze lately...I think my daughter starting school is a big part of that. Then I got sick right after that. Glug!

      Yeah, it does turn things into a bit of a curse to say 'oh it's a business now''s like shoveling a hot load of crap onto something and expecting it to come out all flowery and happy. Although...crap is a good fertilizer. Haha! Oh me. I am delirious. I need to go to bed. Didn't sleep well yesterday or any day for several days...

      I will try very hard to heed your advice. I definitely want to approach things differently. I don't want to go into this phase of my life feeling frantic and miserable. :)

      Big Hugs,

  4. I like princelenormand's adive. Very good! I also have trouble committing, and it's a fairly recent development. I used to be much more energetic and willing to dive in and try new things. I said, "Yes!" a lot more often. I think for me the problem has been, in wanting to be there for friends in family, I have too often over-committed myself. When I tell someone I will do something or I will be somewhere it is very important to me that I follow through, but sometimes the day comes, and I realize that I don't have the energy and I feel burned out, but I still do what I said I would do, and that feels bad. So, the solution has been to stop committing, which is an extreme swing of the pendulum for me.

    1. Yes, I agree. Very good advice. He's a good one, that lad! :D

      Yes, I totally get what you're saying! I think I did the same thing. I think it is oddly common--and it really makes sense when you think about it.

      I think commitment can be so important--but I agree with PLN that if you don't have joy connected to it then things will feel all 10 of Wandsy.

      Hope you have a nice one,