I decided to get out the Tattered Nomad Oracle and the three cards I pulled disturbed me a bit. Hahaa!! At first. My question was about what to focus on in October. But after reading about these cards a bit I came up with the phrase:
"I need to be honest about what I care about."
I think I am definitely lying to myself! I keep saying, 'Meh...I don't know what I want." But I think I know perfectly well what I don't and do what, but I am not comfortable making a choice (choice being another meaning of the snake card) and potentially upsetting others.
I also looked to Helen's Lenormand Dictionary for helpful clues:
Card 7 (Q♣): Snake General: !, problem, complication, betrayal, rival, traitor, jealousy, trouble, dysfunction, disorder, deceit, sabotage, detour, drainpipe, plumbing, hose, cable Location: bathroom, detour, winding road or path, scenic route, river Colours: green Health: large intestine, digestive system, disease, illness, disorder, side-effects, complications, STD Timing (houses): 7 years
Card 24 (J♥): Heart (love life) General: :), love, desire, generosity, compatibility, affection, fondness, preference, favourite, object of affection, happiness, passion, bliss, kindness, giving, sharing, compassion Location: central area, hub of activity Colours: red, pink Health: heart, blood vessels, organ transplant Timing (houses): August Timing (other): Friday
O.K. When I see this list I also see some health stuff. The Snake talks about digestion, the intestines, etc. That is something I've been working on fixing. I have weak digestion and I need to be mindful of remembering to help it along by taking digestive enzymes, eating easy-to-digest soups and cooked vegetables, etc. I tend to feel rather off digestively and this sounds minor but it can be very distracting if it's ongoing.
Of course there's the meaning of taking a winding path when making a decision. It sure seems like I am doing that. One of the ways I am lying to myself is that I think I have to wait around for an answer to pop up. Like suddenly I will know, with 100% certainty, what it is I would just LOVE to do. Wooo!
The heart connected with the snake can be about betrayal, cheating, etc. I know in my heart (pun!) that this isn't the meaning for me and my particular situation. It feels more like a heart's desire, passion for life kinda thing. Hopefully it doesn't mean literal heart trouble, but anyway.
I feel that I often (very often!) hold back my connection and love to others out of fear and hesitation. It happens far more than I would care to admit. I feel like I am incapable of fully letting go in a setting where there are other people. Even my husband! I still feel embarrassed and insecure about myself.
Anyway...well, if anyone else has some ideas let me know.