Thursday, August 29, 2013

Pregnancy+Travel=Premie Baby


(UPDATE: My sis had a 5 lb, 8 ounce baby girl early this morning. All seems fine!)

Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom saying my sister's water broke, a month early, and she was going off to the hospital. I told her to keep me posted on what was happening. The baby has not been born yet but they are trying to get things going ASAP. I actually have no idea what is happening at this very moment, but I know they are trying their best to have the baby naturally/vaginally without doing a C-section. My poor sister! How stressful for her.

Last night I pulled some cards from one of my fairy decks and as I was about to put them away I drew two final cards and got this duo. It immediately made me think of driving down there today to be there for the birth (or at least shortly thereafter). My wishes for this dear family is that everything works out well and the baby is healthy. As soon as we pick up my daughter from early release Thursday school we will drive straight over to see her.

I hope I am not delusional, but I feel this baby will be alright. Intuitively I feel like everything will work out fine. That isn't to say that it won't be stressful for them because obviously it is! But I am glad, at least, that the baby is very close to term. Term being 36-37 weeks. Of course you want the baby to be as close to the due date as possible, but I know it could be much worse!

I'll try to update on this later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Hope everyone is well.

Love,
MM

p.s. Don't mention this on Facebook or anywhere--trying to keep this quiet around people who don't know yet and want to respect sister's privacy.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Money Reading with the Tea Leaf Fortune Cards


I pulled these cards back on August 18th, during a particularly tight period financially. I had barely squeaked by with minimal food, gas and entertainment. I was annoyed at having to worry about spending every single penny. If something cost more than sixty cents I would go into a tizzy about whether I would have enough food for the next day or two. Not much fun as those who have had financially dry periods would tell you.

Anyway. What I realized is the the dry period is due, in part, to spending extra cash on things that I really don't have extra cash for. This is a kind of duh moment, but it happens. Unfortunately it happens a lot! Anyway. One of the main things I had been spending money on, week after week, were supplements for my NRT through my chiropractor. Even though I have been seeing modest results, I realize that I cannot carry on this way. I don't have the money to sustain it! The visits themselves are not expensive, only $4.30, which is amazing, but unfortunately the whole food supplements that go with this are too expensive for me to keep taking week after week. On the one hand, I really wanted to give this option a fair shake and see what impact it had on my health, but on the other hand, I really can't do so at this time due to financial constraints.

Basically what I am going to do is a compromise. I'm finishing out the last of my supplements on this regime. And then I'm going to work on my acute issues and only take a couple of supplements that I know will benefit me. One of them is for my cystitis/bladder issues that are ongoing, and that is D-Mannose. It is a veritable wonder supplement for those with chronic/recurring UTIs and/or kidney issues. Many women struggle with this, and there are some things that can help (a more alkaline diet, tons of water, low sugar diet, etc), but unfortunately you also need to add other supports, and D-Mannose is one I plan on staying on for quite a while. I was taking it and seeing improvement in my bladder issue, but then I ran out and my bladder issues came back. So I stocked up on that particular supplement, but I am allowing most all of the other supplements to fall by the wayside.

Life is all about prioritizing and I think that the above story demonstrates that. I am exceedingly grateful that I have a roof over my head, food and clothing, and even though I buy thrift store clothes (which I love and would do even if I had more money), and can't travel or do anything that costs much money, I am grateful that I have a family and husband that loves me.

It is interesting because the above four cards show an improvement in finances. At least it seems so from the Goldfish and Bread cards. I was pleased to see them when I was pulling cards specifically about money. The Hills card which indicates obstacles isn't so bad, as hills are not nearly as scary as craggy mountains or cliffs. There are obstacles, sure, but they aren't insurmountable. I think this describes my situation perfectly. There are things I'd really like to do, and I think they'd benefit me, like getting the heck out of this town once in a while via travels, or doing NRT or acupuncture or other integrative treatment, but unfortunately it is not fiscally feasible at this time.

I think that cutting out these extras will go a ways toward resolving the financial tightness. I've already seen that. Even though there are a few expenses with school starting, including a fee for school supplies and the need for a couple other school-related purchases, we were lucky that my husband's overtime check arrived just before this period, right before school started.

The final card is Candle, which is a card of guidance. Supposedly I will be shown the right way to navigate money issues. I think that I am beginning to see that. I have a tendency to be way too impulsive when it comes to money. I want to give money to people, both in the form of gifts or monetary donations. But I am not saying I'm altruistic--I do it for my own pleasure! I love giving and the fun that it is. I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it. I like pretty things. I like the textural, sensual world. Too often I get enticed by delicious and unnecessary purchases that add up quickly. I nickle and dime myself to death.

So I think that overall this reading is promising--provided I can suss out the landscape and climb a few hills. I think it's very do-able but I may first have to adopt a can-do attitude. Oy!

Love,
MM

p.s. Decided to end my hiatus early, but I may post infrequently over the next week or two.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Before School Hiatus: See You in September


Hello All,

As some of you know, I'm super nervous about my daughter starting school for the first time. If you know her health history you might understand why. In any case, she is certainly excited and talking about it a lot, while my husband and I are nervous as heck and having nightmares about it.

Today is exactly a week until school starts, so I am going to take the next week to both spend time with my daughter before she goes to school, which is silly because I'm with her constantly anyway, and also gather my wits together. I think, really, that the only way I'll feel decent about it is if it has been happening for a while and nothing serious is going wrong. Even so, I think as parents we never stop worrying about our children, whether they have or have had health issues or not. Life has a large degree of uncertainty, and we have to flow with that. I've been getting lots of 'letting go' and Buddha nature type cards...cards talking about the importance of releasing things.

In any case, I will see you all on September 1st to update on how things have been going. My husband took off a few days as well, so I want to spend time with him while my daughter is in school--this is also a first since my daughter has been born. We haven't been alone together for more than a few hours straight for almost eight years.

I may not be reading blogs as much, but then again I might--since when I'm not blogging I seem to be better at catching up to blogs. Hehe.

Love to y'all,
MM

Monday, August 19, 2013

Parenting and Children


I pulled these two cards yesterday and I find it interesting although I am not entirely sure what role these things play in my life. Well, I have ideas, obviously. I am a mom so that is the obvious one. Inner Child does not usually refer to offspring, but someone's young or innocent self. But I found it redundant when put next to the Parenting and Children card. My role as parent is still #1 in my life. Even with my daughter going to school--that will never change. But will my role shift over the next year or not? I haven't figured that part out yet.

Love,
MM

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Tea Leaf Fortune Forecast for September


Here is September's draw using the Tea Leaf Fortune Cards by Rae Hepburn.  I actually did another draw but it was so depressing that I ditched it and did it again. Haha. I had this idea that the reading was playing into my anxieties rather than reality, so when I drew again, the reading seemed far more balanced. Is that divination cheating? Perhaps, but I decided why the heck not? It's my blog!

My first impressions include:

  • Crib and Stork: My sister is due at the end of September. We are all guessing her baby will be born in early October, but this draw suggests otherwise. Perhaps she does give birth in September rather than October. It seems like it could be very literal. Either that, or one of my other friends who are hoping for a child will get pregnant. 
  • Dog: Ok, I have no first impressions of this. I wish I did. I'd say 95% of my friends are at a distance and not local, so this could apply to anyone! Whoever is thinking of me...well, I'm flattered! ;)
  • Forest: This sounds about right. I have been trying to gain clarity lately in terms of organizing my thoughts and my ideas about how to move forward in the latter half of this year (less than half, actually!) but I am struggling. I definitely feel murky. I guess this shows me still struggling with this through September. That's OK, I guess, and understandable.
  • Door: I added this little bonus card right in the middle because I wanted some more guidance. This reading seemed to be more about the general atmosphere and maybe a couple events, but didn't really show me a way forward. This clarification card was supposed to give me an idea or direction in which to focus in order to move forward from a place of muddled woodsy confusion into a more open, expansive and understanding place. So, the door is very symbolic and transitional, and feels more hopeful to me than ending on a 'confusion' card. The card tells me I should not be afraid to open the door of opportunity and walk through, since good things await me on the other side. It not-so-subtly hints that in order to seize any of these opportunities I must step through the door. It's a choice.
All in all I like my September re-take. It seems to accurately describe the month, at least to the extent that I understand what it may hold. I am going to try to enter this metaphorical door with some semblance of peace and hopefulness rather than my usual mixture of apprehension and doubt.

Love,
MM

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Listening to Self, Letting Go



I was watching this astrological video for this week, and the message really hit home for me. As I'm entering the latter half of August, I'm thinking about my daughter being away from me for the first time starting at the end of this month. I've already written about this and why it is hard for me, though most people here can imagine why it's particularly hard for me, so I won't blather on about it.

I had an interesting synchronicity while I was pulling the cards to post for today's reading. Kaypacha was talking about the concept of letting go just as I pulled the Letting Go card. The same thing happened yesterday, actually. I was pulling cards from another fairy deck, the Faerie Guidance Oracle by Paulina Cassidy. I pulled a single card and as I was looking at it the word discovery was repeated several times, which was the title of the card. Yesterday's Wordless Wednesday was that card, except I cut off the word discovery since it was Wordless Wednesday. Kind of silly, but anyway. :)

The Higher Consciousness card on the left side of Letting Go speaks about listening to your higher self rather than the more piddly, lower, stress-based energies. It talks about heeding your intuition and best advice rather than feeling mired in a lot of crappy, self-sabotaging stuff. The card actually tells me that I am on the right track and whatever I've been doing recently is helping. I think this is an interesting thing, since I actually have been doing journalling with my higher or better self, writing out a sort of dialogue in question and answer form about various topics that have been bothering me or that I simply want some information on.

I think this desire to access our own wisdom, or any wisdom whatsoever, is strong in most people. But usually we go outside of ourselves for this. I do this all the time, too. Instead of going within, Hermit style, I seek external validation and answers. But who really knows us better than we do? Even our partners and long-time friends can't know our inner workings as well as we do. So I am going to continue this process of gently quizzing myself and then awaiting the answers from my higher self, and then trusting them. Even if they turn out to be wrong later, I'll know I took the step to trust myself first and foremost.

The card on the right side of Letting Go is Honoring Your True Feelings. This is a repeat card that I've gotten quite a few times with this deck, although for some reason I don't think I've posted it. Maybe I did once, but I'd say this card came up for me more than half a dozen times when I was last using this deck a few weeks ago, and then again today. There's a card similar to this one about opening up and expressing yourself, being honest with yourself, and another about looking within, and I find that they are all symptoms of the same problem: lack of self-trust.

"Do not betray yourself, or rationalize that it's acceptable to deny your inner voice of truth."

The card talks about listening to your inner counselor and heeding the information that comes to you via your senses, your health, your emotions. Your GUT feelings. This definitely goes along with what I just wrote about listening to my higher self and my self in general. As if that was not specific enough about recommending my dialogue and journalling with my higher self, there's this sentence that comes in the description as well:

"If you're unclear about which emotions you're experiencing, write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal to gain clarity and understanding."

I really appreciate this message today and will do my best to continue to work on it.

Love,
MM

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Honesty, Beauty and Travel

This edit is a bit too frou-frou and goofy. Way too many butterflies. But this reading already looks cheesy with the glowing rose, faeries and whatnot. So why not?

I couldn't settle on a single deck to use so I got out the Wisdom of the House of Night Oracle, the Healing with the Faeries Oracle, and the Angel Dreams Oracle. I actually did a few readings with these cards, but in the end I'm only posting this one, mostly because I didn't photograph all of the readings.

As I write this I am still not yet sure what this reading could mean, although I have some theories and mental spasms. Hehe. I'll just call them that because they may be completely wrong and ridiculous. Also: it sounds funny. So here are my off-the-cuff thoughts on these three cards:

  • Beauty: The rose. This made me think of a couple of things right off the bat. The first thing is my daughter. Her middle name is Rose, so I always think of her when I see a rose. I'm focused on her most of the time, being her mother/caretaker, but especially at the moment, as I'm preparing for her to go off to school in two weeks. Eek! The second thing is the business I was working on earlier this year (I'd say the very end of last year and into this year, ending around June/July) making bath/body products. The business is/was named after my daughter, so the rose is still important. And because it talks about beauty and it's a bath/beauty product thing, that makes sense again. A third association sprang up when I was typing this, which is my own feelings about my attractiveness, which are something I frequently struggle with. Seeing my own beauty, as if I were a single long-stemmed red rose, would be something lovely, although I don't know if I can make that leap yet. I have, however, been doing positive affirmations about myself at the suggestion of a friend, and one of them is about my feelings of attractiveness and worthiness. This could be a confirmation of that.
  • Be Honest with Yourself: Ok, yeah. That is definitely important--hehee! I mean, this one is pretty self-explanatory but I like looking at the booklet anyway. "Do you feel stuck? Depressed? Tired? Angry or irritable? These are symptoms that arise when we're not being honest with ourselves." So then the write-up goes on to say that it isn't about having to make a major change or having a painful confrontation, but simply being honest with how we feel we're doing a huge service to ourselves. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband recently. I admitted that when I'm stressed or feeling other negative things, I often hold them uncomfortably in my body. I start exhibiting nasty physical repercussions such as horrible headaches, digestive problems, horrible sleep, aches and pains, etc. Guess who has had all of those symptoms lately!?!! Me. I am not saying these symptoms are solely caused by stress, but when my husband (at my request) did a reading for me recently--which had two parts, one about my health and one about my life in general--the message was the same! To focus on my own ability and strength, and to do something creative or otherwise helpful in letting off steam. There seemed to be a hint that what I was experiencing could be traced back to a mind/body/spirit malady rather than a strictly physical complaint. It dawned on me that this is why it has been hard for me to 'get it together' while ignoring a slew of emotional clues.
  • Travel: This one seems more specific and less esoteric, but we'll see! This is something I worry that I won't be able to do again for quite some time. We have family in different parts of the country but no money in which to travel, and we're having a hard time keeping up financially, much less saving money to travel. I know it's not impossible, and maybe we just need to prioritize.  In looking at the book, I see that this can also mean the direction of life, as well as location, home and also travel. "A shift in geography is coming. Perhaps a new location or a new home." The latter seems less likely, since we've only lived in this neighborhood for a little over a year, but part of me has felt restless in this town. Part of me is wondering about moving. Since my daughter is starting school this month if I did move it would be to the town where her school is, since that would be most convenient, and politically is is more liberal and more interesting than the town I currently live in. But maybe I am trying too hard to force a move or force a change. I don't know yet. It could also refer to my husband's desire to find a local job after commuting and hour each way for more than ten years now! I keep hoping...
Combining some of the cards I might come up with 'be honest with yourself about your life path and journey, and about how you feel about your daughter's transition and about the business you tried to get off the ground but didn't quite do.' I think I really need to examine my heart's desires when it comes to these (and other) topics. I find I often get lost and confused when it comes to what I think I want and what really feels right. Often my body knows the answer--it holds the truth in the form of reactions and symptoms.

Well. That's about it. Feel free to comment with your own impressions--I value your insight.

Love,
MM

Monday, August 12, 2013

Heart's Desire Reading


I whipped out the Life Purpose Oracle Cards, as I admit I've been obsessed with what my current purpose is in terms of an idea, project or passion. I picked up the deck upside-down and the Oracle Cards image was on the bottom, which I thought was too interesting not to post.

I admit that oracle and tarot is one of the sustaining passions I have, but I also admit that I doubt I really will ever make this a career or money-making thing. Of course, our passions do not always make us money, and I really should reconsider my idea of a career. Perhaps I already have a career and I just don't acknowledge it: mom, artist, tarot reader, etc. I have multiple identities, just like everyone else! No one is defined solely by our job--that's a trap of modern day living. We have meaning and purpose even if we don't make money from them.

Anyway. The other two cards I pulled were 'Books' and 'Heart's Desire'. The books thing was harder for me to reconcile. I can't really imagine being an author of any sort, except for this blog, maybe. Then again, my imagination is far too limited and limiting to be of help to me! I really would prefer to expand my idea of who I am and can be.

I have to say that even though I like these cards, they also confuse me. They give really mixed messages. Either that, or I'm being closed-minded and I can't see the messages clearly!

Anyway. Hope y'all have a swell Monday.

Love,
MM

Friday, August 9, 2013

The Gift of a Child


When I saw this duo it immediately made me think of all of the people I know who are either trying to have a child, about to have a child, or considering having a child.

In any and all of these cases, a child is a beautiful gift. I wanted to send out a general blessing and my good luck wishes to all of you who are feeling this right now.

Of course this also makes me think, again, of the baby shower at the end of the month, but I felt like this warranted a more general well-wishing for those trying to have a baby.

I will see you all on Monday. Taking the weekend away from the internet for the most part!

Love,
MM

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Belated New Moon in Leo Spread



After seeing Kerry and then Siddaleah post this simple but wonderful spread, I thought I'd give it a try!

I thought the answer was very clear and very positive. Don't you think so?

On the release side we have the poverty-stricken 5 of Pentacles. This card is associated with worry, fear, lack, physical ailments and sickness, and pretty much a feeling crappy about life on the physical plane. This is often seen as the 'strapped for cash' card, too. I know I certainly think that when I see it. See that sad, dirty face reaching out a cup, begging for a coin.

I hate to admit it, but that's how I feel whenever I do a business/creative venture of any kind. I feel like this woman, standing around begging rather than being empowered. I find it humiliating asking for money, even when the person may be buying something from me. Now apparently this is something I need to release! I can see very clearly how this mindset is a problem.

I see the negative body image stuff in this card, too. I see hypochondria, fear, disease, sadness connected with one's physical form. These are all things I struggle with. I find it hard to be human! Laugh. Well...who doesn't? But anyhow!

In the embrace card we have Strength. This card feels very different from the 5 of Pentacles. There is strength and gentleness, and money and health don't seem to have much, if anything, to do with it. The woman seems strong, sexy, gentle. Of course she also seems a bit slutty but that's par for the course with a lot of tarot decks. Hehee.  Either way, she doesn't seem to be suffering like the woman in the 5 of Pentacles.

Oh! I also wanted to add that I found it cool that a New Moon in Leo reading featured a lion in one of the two cards. Very nice. Leo rules creativity and children and also fun. These are things I will try to focus on and get enjoyment from.

To move away from suffering and poverty into strength? Well, who wouldn't want that?

Love,
MM

Risk: Excitement on the Path


This is the phone app that Shaheen said he liked. I agree--it is a good oracle and I enjoy it.

Here's a card I received yesterday, and I think it is applicable. I'm trying to decide what would be good to risk right now in terms of my path. But if I think too hard I take all the Fool-esque joy out of the risk, so I don't want to delay forever. But I don't want to take stupid action for the sake of action...or do I? Sometimes that is indicated.

Love,
MM

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Ring & Garden: Baby Shower and Belated Wedding Party



Ring + garden (20): public agreement, marriage, public couple (e.g., high society, famous)
Garden + ring (25): engagement, public agreement, wedding
When I first saw this duo I thought it referred to marriage, since weddings and partnerships seem to feature prominently in this duo, and it may very well be that this is what it means, but upon further reflection this made me think of my pregnant sister who is having an outdoor baby shower at the end of this month. This still seems to fall under the public couple thing. If you add to that the meaning that, by their own definition, this is something of a belated wedding celebration of their marriage which was done via courthouse, then I think it makes perfect sense!

Love,
MM

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Dream Interpretation Pull: Baby Gender Guesses and Subconscious Emotional Losses


Looking at the cards I pulled, the one beef I have with Shaheen's wonderful deck is that the text is not very easy to read on these cards. Otherwise I love them! Anyway...I also washed this image out a bit too much, but I will carry on!

I woke up from a dream this morning, and even though the dream was a somewhat happy dream it made me sad when I woke up. The reason is that the dream was that I was pregnant and I can't get pregnant right now. I was visiting family in the area where I grew up and I didn't quite know when I was due. I thought I was already near labor, and in fact the dream showed me in a hospital (not where I really want to give birth, but I did so with my daughter) and I was hooked up to a monitor and then an ultrasound, and it showed that I was not due yet. I was only about 29 weeks.  But I was able to tell from the ultrasound that the baby was a girl. I was very excited, as I had been sure my baby was a girl. Apparently I even had a name in mind, although I can't tell you what it is now that I've been awake a while.

What is interesting now that I am awake, is that my sister is, in fact, about eight months pregnant now. She's due next month, at the end of the month, so I am guessing this figures into the dream somehow. Her pregnancy has definitely been a joy for the family, but at the same time it has brought up difficult feelings that I have had in wanting another child. The ambivalence I had about this has not gone away. My husband had a vasectomy, though, so this makes things more complicated. In any case, back to the dream...

Another part of the dream involved talking to my grandfather, who was very chipper and alert in the dream. I found it weird that he seemed to grow younger in the dreams that featured him. I didn't understand this because he died several years ago and in my dream (my unconscious) I couldn't reconcile this. I remember thinking in the dream that it must be weird for him to have a wife who is losing her short-term memory while he seems to become younger and more energetic! When he was dying, I remember having dreams where he was decrepit and barely functional. Over time, he has become more animated in my dreams. Anyway. Just a little dead family member dream visitation weirdness for y'all...

So. Now that I am awake I decided to pull cards on the meaning of this dream, as it seemed significant. I did two pulls about it. The top pull, I feel, deals with both the intuitive/prophetic nature of the dream, involving the Seer and the Familiar, both extra cards in Shaheen's deck which are directly connected to intuitive information and spirit world connections. The Cross is a card of hardship or difficulty, and this makes sense when it connects to my feelings of sadness at not having another child, and not really having any easy way to do that.

In the bottom row we have the more positive angle of this dream, showing the joy and happiness (Sun) of the birth of my little niece or nephew. In Helen's Lenormand Dictionary, the Birds show timing to be in October, when my sister's child should be born. My sister is due at the very end of September, but it is common knowledge that children are often late, especially first children. My guess is the baby will be born in the first week of October, not too far from my husband's birthday.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts on the dream. I wonder now if my sister's child will be a girl. She thinks it's a boy and so did I when she got pregnant. I guess time will tell.

Love,
MM

Money Message from the Tattered Nomad Oracle


*UPDATE*...OH! I thought of one possible interpretation that this could refer to. There's a man (a brother-in-law) whose birthday is today. I was going to send him a gift certificate to Amazon because he's traveling and I can't give him money in person so this is the best option. That could work for this reading. The man could still refer to my husband as well as the brother-in-law, because I need to ask my husband to do it since I actually don't have money in my account to do it at this time.


I pulled this trio a couple of days ago, on August 4th I believe, and I felt they pertained to communications about money. I have to include the following hilarious association with letter and fish from LearnLenormand.com:

Letter + fish (34): business documents, financial documents, fish wrapped in newspaper

Fish wrapped in newspaper? Hahaa. I mean, I haven't been to any fish markets or fish and chips places. I would love to, but there aren't any gluten-free fish and chips places yet. 

Anyway.

At first I thought these cards meant sending out an e-mail about selling off my soaps at a discount, but that didn't quite make sense with the man...where does he come in to all of that? It really didn't jibe with me, so I wonder if this has more to do with my husband.

Of course you get a slightly different interpretation when you reverse the order of the cards:

Fish + letter (27): fishing permit, financial news, business license

On a funny note, my husband does not like fish so I know the fishing permit or fish in newspaper is wrong. Haha. Well, he doesn't like fishing either. So I'm going with the more money communications and documents thing.

This one should seem obvious. Either it hasn't happened yet, I'm interpreting it wrong, or...something else. We will see. I'll try to update this one.

Love,
MM