I was hoping to receive a card that spoke to me a lot right now, but I wasn't sure what that would be honestly. However, this one really does fit the bill. I have to admit I got spoiled (if you can call it that), by having my daughter at school. Now that she's home for the summer I feel overwhelmed again by her presence and moodiness. But...I will say that there were times (terrible, very stressful times) that were far worse and went on far longer. I spent many stressful years with my daughter, many of them involving health issues on top of behavior issues. The fact that her issues have diminished signicantly, and that there are only a few concerns I have, is a big, huge deal. I am very grateful.
Even so, I find myself feeling a bit drained and aimless. I think part of this is that I am nervous--I'm only a few days into the summer break and I have 2.5 months yet to go with my daughter at home 24/7. I know I had her at home every day for 7.5 years, but I also know how intensely stressed I was at that time! Additionally, because I am in the process of bowl emptying, I find it harder than usual to come up with things I really WANT to do. And my daughter tends to resist me when I make suggestions. SO...my plan is to come up with lists of things we both feel good about doing, then sprinkling them throughout our summer experience. So far, one outing did not go so well, ending in my daughter crying and intensely complaining about not getting to go back to this same (somewhat expensive) kid's fun place the very next day. It's as if she can't appreciate an experience--she has to complain that she can't do it again the very next day! I really am trying to teach her patience and gratitude--something that takes a lifetime to learn, if at all, I think!
Sometimes I get really fed up with dealing with persistent mood issues that seem to seep into every experience we have together. But then I remember the turmoil of growing up and I try to be empathetic to her, while still maintaining healthy boundaries and parental guidance for her. And I also remember that things are rarely smooth, shiny and flawless. Life is bumpy and rather unpleasant at times. If I allow for the bumps then maybe I won't feel so thrown around. But yet I still feel triggered by the same problems that come up, whether it's in myself or my daughter. When something happens again and again I try to remove myself from the trigger and see if I can come up with an alternate plan that might alleviate the stress of the situation, or change how I might deal with it. Sometimes that plan is rather ridiculous--and may involve desperation. Haha! So far, though, things are do-able, though not always fun.
In any event, I want to be a positive role model emotionally and otherwise to my daughter. I will continue to strive to teach her to honor her feelings and to love others. We can do both! I need to remember this if I feel run down or kinda 'meh' about life. I like the quote this has about even half an hour of meaningful activity a day can lift one's morale.
I do, overall, think my husband is right in that this summer will be better. My daughter is far more independent now than she was in the past. And, for the most part, time at home goes alright. It's more when we go out that something goes awry. But that isn't always the case. Sometimes things go well. It's just the stress of the unpredictable nature of whether things will be 'bleh' or decent.
Regardless of what happens, I will take time each day to do something that replenishes my energy and makes me feel nurtured.
Sending mood-lifting thoughts,