Thursday, September 3, 2015

Coffin & Woman: Sad, Sick Lady

I thought the title of this post was humorous and dramatic, which is why I used it. Haha!

But when I looked up the meaning of this combination at Learn Lenormand I saw the meanings of a woman being in a negative or pessimistic frame of mind, or the woman feeling ill or downtrodden in some way. This lead me to thinking. How often do I fall into a victim mode? If I feel unwell, which I do fairly frequently, due to chronic conditions (sinus and bladder issues, among other things), do I fall into victim mode, or self-care mode? I think the danger is constantly feeling at odd with yourself, your body, and your life. You never feel satisfied with how things are. Say you feel decent, but you have no money. Or you have a great relationship but a terrible time getting a career off the ground. At every point, you could choose to apply your strengths to the weak links in your life.

I find that I become utterly frustrated with my body and my self, not unlike a harried and exhausted mother feels with her screaming toddlers in the grocery store. Yes, I've seen and experienced that plenty of times to know what that feels like! You just want them to be quiet and the errand to be over. I admit that I get trapped in a low mood, one with a thick coat of impatience and even self-loathing. But I'm learning, slowly, to have patience with myself and my body. If I don't feel up to something, I don't force it. Though I have noticed I still have certain expectations of how I SHOULD feel, or more accurately...what I have decided I must feel in order to be normal or healthy in my estimation.

Instead, there's a kind of surrender to the signals of life and the body that needs to happen. This doesn't imply a kind of lazy approach so much as it requires deep attention to be placed on those areas which are giving you strong red flags, telling you that something is out of whack. When we take the time to scan our body and our experience, we'll see the messages they're giving out more crisply. I used to think faster, bigger, more was better. Now I think that anything that isn't in line with what works in the here and now is the best thing, even if that happens to be still, silent or even to do something that you might not normally do. Whatever comes through.

There are obviously a bunch of other ways to interpret this, but this is enough writing for now! Hah.


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