Thursday, January 14, 2016

Beneficial Solitude and Self-Sufficiency

Here is a duo of cards I received. What this brought to mind is the beneficial energy of the Hermit. 9 is the number of the Hermit, and the 9 cards resonate with that message of doing things yourself, and the empowering aspect of that. The 9 of Pentacles is about being able to be financially flourishing and independent. I see it as the business man or woman. Often the woman, because it usually shows a woman in a garden.

Thankfully, in recent years (since my daughter began school), I've been able to have some time alone, after several years in a row of really intense caregiving due to sleep deprivation, my daughter's health issues and so forth. So, even though I used to be terrified of being alone (which I believe is what originally motivated me to not want to be without a romantic partner), and even when my husband was at work I would obsessively fear that he would die and not come back. I used to have panic attacks when he wasn't around. But what I've realized in recent years is that I really benefit from being alone, particularly when I allow the energy of solitary reflection to filter into my life.

I'm proud of myself from going from fear to empowerment. It probably took those years of really struggling with my own fears and with the intense fear that having a child with health issues brings (thank goodness she's doing so well now!) to bring me to a place where I actually welcome the solitude.

Despite this, there are days when I forget that this alone time has been helpful to me, and now feeds me in a way that makes me grow rather than shrink back into myself. In that moment I ask myself what I can do to feel better--whether it's time with family or friends, or sending out messages to loved ones, or eating well or getting some exercise, or listening to music. Whatever it is that occurs to me in the area of self-care.

Because that is what alone time is, ideally. A time to rejuvenate and engage in self-care. The form that care takes varies from moment to moment--and that's how it should be.


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