Thursday, January 7, 2016
Peach & Willow: Being Flexible with My Daughter
I'm really in the mood to use these cards right now, I guess!
Here is a duo I felt like posting today. Peach and Willow. Now that I've been using these cards more I'm slowly getting familiar with their meanings and themes.
In this case, we have Peach, which is a young lady. She looks kinda pouty, right? Hahaa. Seems like she'd be happy holding those peaches, but anyway.
The Willow, as I was just reading about it in the book, is about being modest and compliant in your responses--being diplomatic and flexible. You've probably heard the phrase, 'Bend but don't break'...right? Well, that's what the essence of Willow is.
Something I've been dwelling on lately is my daughter not really wanting to talk a lot to me or hug me much. She just seems very independent...sometimes to a fault. But. I also recognize this is likely a) a big part of her personality as a freedom-loving Sag and b) Yet another stage of differentiation as she makes her way in the world. She has always been intensely independent, but yet also needing love and support, like all people. So the paradox is knowing how much support to offer without being distant but also being respectful of her need for distance--even if it seems extreme to me.
The issue comes in when I take it too personally. I question myself and think, 'Did I do something wrong? Did I not facilitate bonding enough? Did I alienate her?' I've been asking myself this a lot if she seems discontented, distant or upset. This is not a healthy pattern, though. A healthier and more sustainable approach might be to occasionally ask her if there's something I can do to support her, but otherwise not brood too much about anything she says or does, unless it truly seems dangerous. Well, never to brood under any circumstances, but simply to understand that being too emotionally enmeshed with my daughter will cause more problems.
So, lately I've found it a little bit easier to distance myself emotionally from any reactions of my daughter (or anyone else for that matter), whereas before I would spend days, weeks, months or even years analyzing (and fearing) the behaviors of others. It's one of those things that seems so obvious, but is a hard habit to break. I am learning one of the four agreements more deeply--which is to take nothing too personally. I feel like, for the most part, I do a very good job as a mom, and I don't NEED to be perfect. In trying to be perfect or anticipate problems, head them off or expend too much energy worrying about various fatalistic things...I create a much larger problem. My strengths are in my intuitive and emotional connections--my compassion. Not my fear.