Monday, July 18, 2016

Anxiety, Reversed and Finding Flow

A little divination story for y'all. But first a slight backstory. Lately, divination has been a hit or miss passion for me. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it--other times I don't feel particularly connected to it. But, I'm not as worried about this as I might have been in the past. A creative person (which basically means every person!) goes through cycles...ebbs and flows, ups and downs, fertile and fallow times. Rarely is there a consistent, intense passion. We all have dips in our interest in things. This is normal. I used to think it was abnormal. I thought something was wrong with me when I didn't feel like doing something. You just lack work ethic, I might tell myself. Or perhaps I was doing everything wrong. But now I know this isn't so. If only I could've just told myself, 'Don't worry about it. You don't need to do everything all at once. You don't need to force everything.' I'm back to reminding myself of that.

But, sometimes, when you're on, you're on. And that's good too. I've noticed a phenomenon lately when reading. When I try to 'push past' my resistance to something--or try to 'force' myself to read a certain way, all of the flow and magic evaporates. All the mojo goes away. If I just relax a bit and let go, see what happens, something will gently move in.

Last night I pulled a card using my Energy Oracle app. As I did so I engaged my 'Let This Go, Intuitive Response Mode™! When I did that a card image popped into my mind; It was the Anxiety card in this deck. Not only that, but the card also showed up reversed in my mind. This image was fleeting. Almost as if it didn't happen. I was thinking about freeing myself from anxiety, from the constant feeling of needing or wanting to control everything in and around me.

You can guess what happened next. I pulled the Anxiety card, reversed. This sounds like a fluke, but this happens surprisingly often when I'm relaxed an in an intuitive flow. But when I try to get a vice-like grip on intuition it evades me. This isn't anything new, but it surprises me. Probably because there's a big part of me that still feels skeptical of anything unseen, intuitive or mysterious.

So, my main goal now is to relax into that space more, and then take action if it's appropriate.


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